Hello there.
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend,
podcast.
For all people everywhere,
if you enjoy humanity, you'll enjoy our podcast.
Always trying out for-- Wait, what?
The slogan-- I'm so sorry, what?
To enjoy humanity?
Is to enjoy Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, yeah.
Don't you mean like you listen to this podcast
and then you go, oh, the humanity,
like The Hindenburg.
Yes, yes, that's great.
(laughing) You're like the Hindenburg?
That's a great reference for the kids.
Kids love a good Hindenburg,
a good Lakehurst, New Jersey explosion joke.
(Sona laughing)
No, I do think, I aim for this to be a podcast
for the people, people everywhere.
We are not-- That's nice.
This is not a niche podcast.
There's no velvet rope up here.
We are here to allow anyone who wants joy and laughter,
they're welcome, you know.
Awww, that's nice.
Yeah, as long as you listen to the advertisers
and buy those products.
(all laughing) Oh God.
Welcome to our very friendly, little club.
(Conan laughs)
Ah, no.
Matt Gourley, good to see you.
Hi.
Oh shit, I mean, hi!
Yeah, okay, take it easy. (Sona chuckles)
'Cause, last time you got on me about
sounding weird or creepy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That second hi was still a little weird.
Yeah, I over compensated.
And Sona, how are you?
You know what, I'm okay.
Okay, just a simple fine is good.
Oh, okay. I didn't.
You know what?
You were very just like--
You know, when I really think about it, you know--
It sounded like you actually cared.
No, no, I know.
I'm an actor. (Sona chuckles)
I've taken a lot of training.
It threw me off.
It sounded like you were being sincere and I'm like,
wait, is this a real moment?
Uh huh, yeah.
And it was not.
(Matt giggles)
No, I'm excited that we're here.
We're doing a podcast.
We're together.
I get a good energy from you guys.
And when I say that, I mean,
I maintain my own energy despite you.
Oh. Oh, I think you mean
you're a vampire, sucking energy from us to exist,
right? Yeah.
No. Okay.
That would not be a lot of energy.
That would be not a lot of nutrition in there.
I'm trying to think what we are gonna talk about today?
What--
I really have got nothing going right now in my mind.
I don't know. No.
Well, we could just, we could sit comfortably
in silence.
I think that will work.
I don't, I hate that so much.
Ready, one, two, three.
In fact, before we start,
who will be the first to break the silence?
All right, it would be me.
Well, let's see. It'll be me.
Let's see. Why?
Are you uncomfortable with silence?
It's not, I'm not uncomfortable with silence.
I'm just like, I don't know.
When I'm told to be silent, that's when I can't be silent.
Oh, you know, what's interesting.
I do know this about Sona.
Over the years when I've asked her to tone it down,
she gets crazy, and she really gets--
Okay. No, no, you do.
She gets very like wide eyed.
And like, "What?
"What, don't you tell me to lower my voice."
And literally, we'll be in a situation where,
we could be in a room with someone
and they're operating like on a child's eye.
And I'm like, Sonie, you gotta keep it down a little bit.
She'd be like, "I don't have to keep it down!"
And the surgeon's like, "Oops, blind for life, little boy."
No, hold on.
Every time you retell a story--
Slip of the scalpel.
You make yourself sound so rational,
and so calm, and so collected.
But, you're never that way.
You're always like, I don't know.
You're just like, Sona, (grumbling).
(Matt chuckles) Like, I don't know.
A master impressionist.
Beh, beh, beh, beh, beh, beh, beh.
A master impressionist, Sona Movsesian.
Alright buddy, guess this celebrity, (grumbles).
Oh, I don't know, who is that?
Lewis Armstrong.
Yeah, Louis Armstrong.
Thank you, you get me Matt.
No, no. Yes.
Yeah, you do not like anyone to suggest
that maybe you could be a little quieter.
And it's not even part of a, "I will speak,
"and my voice will be heard."
It's, you know, "You will not man-splain
"to me or make me be silent."
It's not that.
Anyone could tell you in a very appropriate situation
where you need to be a little more quiet.
Like, you know, we're trying to escape
and our guards are asleep right there.
So, let's get by,
and you'll start to probably say something like,
"You know what?
"It would be really good--"
Yeah.
"If we could go to one of those restaurants
"where they have a tray and you get as much as you want,
"like a Sizzler."
Oh my God, yes.
And I'd say, Sona can you just--
I really wanna go Sizzler.
Sona, we're trying to keep it down a little bit
because our captors are right there,
and they're starting to wake up.
"Don't you tell me!"
No, I have to say this narrative,
I mean, you're pretty loud too, boss.
Yeah, you are.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
But, you are, he is right, though.
Like right now, you're saying we should be quiet.
Yeah.
Because you said that, I won't be able to.
Well, let's try this, okay? Okay.
So, now I'm gonna write on this paper,
300,000 Bitcoin, okay?
Okay. What?
Whoever stays quiet the lastest.
(Sona and Matt laughing) Okay, what the hell?
You know what, you are right.
These segments really are better
when we give them no thought beforehand.
What do you mean?
I've been planning this for ages.
All right. Okay.
So, you want us to be silent
for as long as possible?
You guys, I can't do this. Yeah, on a podcast.
On a podcast. Let's see.
Let's see, all right.
Perfect podcast. In three, two, one.
(Sona moaning)
Sona, shut up.
I can't even make sounds? And I just won.
Because you spoke second--
No, I can't make sounds?
300,000 dollar Bitcoin!
Whew! No.
I thought it was whoever spoke first, blew it.
It was longest, I said the lastest to speak.
Oh, lastest to speak, well, (sighs) okay.
Look how competitive you just got, by the way.
You got so angry.
I didn't know I couldn't make like, (groans) noises.
That's, you wanted me--
Yeah, silence.
Complete silence.
Okay, we tried it.
It failed miserably.
Okay. And--
I'm rich.
Can we try it again?
Sure.
It's great podcasting.
Okay, I'm upping it to 310,000 Bitcoin.
I don't even know.
Okay, three, two, one.
(chuckles) I can't do it (laughing).
What's wrong with you, seriously?
I win!
610,000 Bitcoin!
No, okay, that's fine.
Matt, you can have,
I don't care about being second.
I just didn't wanna be the first one to talk.
Well I mean, this is, I've found my calling.
That's weird that you can't do it.
That's weird.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's, I can, I can.
No, but what about when your twins are asleep?
Are you able to be quiet? That's different.
Why is that different?
Because, nobody tells me to be quiet.
I just need to be. Your husband, Tack?
Tack never says,
"Hey, could you keep it down a little bit, honey?"
No!
No, he knows, he knows-- (chuckles)
(Matt laughs) He knows better.
He knows better.
But, like nobody, if I know I need to be quiet--
He's a victim of domestic abuse.
If you know--
Tack always has a black two black eyes
every time I see him.
If you say, "Be quiet."
I can't be, if someone tells you--
Right, if someone asks you--
Sit still Conan, you move.
I remembered once asking you to do something for me.
And you said, "If you asked me to do something,
I can't do it."
And I said, you're my assistant.
Yeah. (Matt laughs)
It was the most, it's a hilarious exchange.
You said I have a problem sometimes when he,
this is when we were talking to someone who, you know,
was trying to be like a couple's counselor with us.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
And how we could work better in the office.
And you said, "I just have a problem when
"he asks me to do things."
(Matt laughing)
You're my assistant.
I know, but I'm being honest.
And I've never pretended not to do that.
Okay, all right.
Here's a wrap sign.
And also, I just wanna put this up, too.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't even know, how do you get that?
I don't know.
Who's gonna give it to you?
I don't know anything about cryptocurrency,
but I know it's coming my way.
I go to a server and there's a blockchain,
and a man in a dark suit hands it to me.
Hands it. Um hm.
Not sends it or, you know?
It's not important.