-Welcome back to the show.
You brought your own copy of the book.
-Well, yeah, because I wanted to read you
a passage of where you appear.
Is that okay? -I'm in the book?
-Yeah, you're in the book. -I'm honored.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm in the book. I made the book.
-You're on an airplane... -I'm on an airplane.
-...sitting next to me, and -- Well, the book was written
for, you know, people who read books.
-Yeah.
-But, also, I have pictures if you don't read.
So that's a good thing. -Oh, there's photos, as well.
-Yeah, I have some funny pictures that you can just
rip out and put on the wall and do whatever you want.
Gracie's in it. My dog is in it.
-Oh, I love Gracie. -Yeah, I know.
-A very talented dog, as well.
-Do you mind if I read a little bit?
-Please. I'd love -- Yeah.
-I highlighted your part
so you would know where you appeared, in yellow.
I know you're not gonna read the book.
-Yes, I will.
-And it will be on Audible, too, so you won't even --
-With your voice? -Yeah.
-Oh, that's worth the money right there
to hear Parker Posey's voice read the book?
I love it. What do you say about me?
-This is when I talk about you.
There's a few times. -Hmm.
-"He's probably the best dancer that has ever lived."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yes. -[ Laughs ]
-That's right. -Really? You said that about me?
-That's right!
You're such a great dancer, but everyone now knows that.
-No, no.
Now I think of you as the best -- Do you remember,
we used to go dancing at Don Hill's?
-Yeah. -And I was there -- It was me --
-Back when you could dance like no one's watching,
'cause they weren't, right?
-Yeah, 'cause no one knew who I --
Yeah, no one cared about me. Yeah.
And it was you and Nadia Dajani
and Horatio from "Saturday Night Live," Horatio Sanz.
-And we would -- I mean, it was a place where you could dance,
where you could jump off the stage,
and people would catch you.
You know, I mean, you really could.
-It was anything.
-I mean, you'd fall on the floor.
You'd just make a -- You know, dance, yeah.
-And, so, we were there, and Jake goes,
"I'm gonna go get some cigarettes.
You guys want anything?" I go, "I'm good."
And Horatio goes -- -You're like, "I'm good."
-Yeah, "I'm dancing with Parker Posey.
I'm good, man."
And Horatio goes, "Can you get me some spiced ham?"
[ Laughter ]
"Okay." I swear. -Spiced ham.
-That's so Horatio. -Spiced ham.
It has, like, olives and jalapeños or something?
-No. It's -- I don't know what -- It's just a spiced --
A 1/4 pound of spiced ham.
So, he goes, "All right, dude. Whatever."
So, Jake leaves, and then we're dancing and hanging out.
And then I go, "Let's do a shot of tequila" to Horatio.
So we do a shot of tequila. And we're dancing.
And then Jake comes over to me and he goes,
"We got to go, dude."
Do you remember this?
He goes, "We got to go to the emergency room.
Horatio cracked his head open."
I go, "What? You're kidding me."
And then Horatio comes over to me.
He goes, "You'd tell me if it was bad, right?
Is it bad?" -Yeah.
-And there's blood all over his face.
And I go -- I'm like, "Yes, it's bad, dude.
What happened? What happened?"
He goes, "I jumped off the stage into the curtain
and went to catch my fall, and there was a pole."
And he smacked his head.
So, cut to the tequila just kicks in.
And we're in the emergency room, eating spiced ham,
covered in blood.
That's what dancing with Parker Posey --
That's how much fun... -That's a story.
-...we would have.
That is a story right there. -That's a story.
-Yeah. But, also, you mentioned, in the book, too,
New Year's Eve at my parents's house.
-That was so much fun. -Right?
-Yeah. And I wonder if it's caught on around the country.
You know, the Fallon tradition was to bang on pots and pans
on New Year's Eve and to walk around the neighborhood.
And I remember, one of your neighbors --
and I wrote about it in my book...
had, like, Santa Claus everywhere,
like Santa Claus cozies, on toilet paper,
Kleenex boxes, towels, bath mats.
-Bunny.
-And we -- Yeah, banging pots and pans
and walking around your neighborhood.
-When it's midnight, we all grab pots and pans.
We'd ruin all of my mom's pots.
They all have dents in them, 'cause we were just, "Yeah!"
It was our noisemakers. -So much fun.
-Walk down the street. Oh, we loved that.
I love that you wrote about it. -That is making a memory.
Yeah, I did. Your family was so funny.
They were laughing all the time. -Yeah, they're very happy.
-I say they're like a Keebler cookie family.
-Dude, like little elves?
-Yeah, just little laughing elves.
[ Laughter ] The house was this big.
-We lived in a mushroom. Yeah, exactly.
But there's so many stories -- Why did you call it
"You're on an Airplane"?
-Well, it ended up being a good context to --
You know when you're on an airplane,
and you're stuck there.
-Yeah.
-And you share stories of your past, entertaining stories.
And I come from a family of
entertaining characters, funny people.
And so I grew up remembering,
you know, these funny stories,
and I would share them and live this life as an actor.
And I have all sorts of, you know --
I have like seven more chapters,
and maybe I'll write another one.
But this space, you know, on an airplane, where you have to --
-You're forced to talk to someone for six hours.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -"Let me tell you some stories."
-And you usually share too much, and it's great,
'cause you'll never see them again, you know?
-Right? Yeah.
-It's a place of reinvention, I think, too, where you --
In the in-between, you're not here or there,
and so you look at your life, in the past,
and where you're going and what's this next chapter
gonna bring to me when I land?
And, so, it ended up being a good place
for kind of a book of monologues, really.
-Yeah. It really is.
-It was agonizing, but it was soulful,
and I got to be, you know, entertaining in it.
And I didn't have to leave my apartment, you know?
That's the other thing. -It's just that easy, folks.