• From villains that can melt into confectionary, to vigilantes whose only crime is that they're
obese, we count 15 horribly awful comic book villains ever to find their way onto printed
pages 15 - Codpiece
• This supervillain's powers come from a misunderstanding he had with a girl - she
calls him short which he immediately assumes is a reference to his tiny wang
• So, naturally, he goes out and builds a giant pair of rocket cannon underpants,
with a spring-loaded boxing glove and a huge drill
• He was inevitably defeated by the transsexual superhero Coagula, and if that doesn't scream
social justice then I have absolutely no idea what does
14 - Walrus • A man who claims to have all the mighty
strength of a walrus - unfortunately though, since those animals are typically slower and
weaker than a human, he's saying he's not that great
• Likewise, instead of breaking into banks or taking over the world, Walrus likes to
attack inanimate objects like walls and lampposts • In one comic issue, Spider-Man flicks
Walrus with his index finger once, and it knocks him unconscious
13 - Asbestos Lady • This is a criminal that dons fireproof
clothing lined with asbestos to ward off fires - she'll carry around a flamethrower and light
everything ablaze, then walk out unharmed, well, as unharmed as you might be wearing
a suit lined with ASBESTOS • She actually constructed asbestos bullets
to attack her long-time adversary the Human Torch
• But in the 90s, she contracted cancer because, heh, ASBESTOS
12 - Eye Scream • So, you know those times when you're writing
a comic book, you need a superpower so you look around the kitchen and you realise, gee,
I wonder what it would be like to turn into an ice-cream
• Well, meet Eye Scream the man who can melt his body down into an ice-cream substance
to slip under doors and feed small children • Unbelievably, his saga only lasted one
comic - how could THAT happen?
11 - Sportsmaster • A man named Lawrence Crock who uses sport-themed
weapons like exploding baseballs, flying bases, rocket baseball bats, knockout basketballs,
lacrosse snare nets and exploding hockey pucks • He also wears sports clothes because apparently
his obsession with sports wasn't already obvious • This is his power, this is what he does
- that's like my throwing exploding modems because I work on the internet
10 - Gin Genie • Here we go, a superhero that's so crappy
she's basically a villain anyway • Gin was a member of X-Force, with the
ability to generate seismic waves at her enemies - which sounds fine in itself, except she
needed to be totally hammered to do so • In fact, her waves would be precisely
equal to her blood alcohol level, and since she was an alcoholic anyway, she gets so drunk
that she couldn't control her waves and instead hurt or kill her teammates
9 - Mr Mxyzptlk • An inter-dimensional imp, enemy to Superman,
with a bizarre weakness that, even so, isn't as much a weakness but more of a dumb thing
• The only thing that can banish this guy from our dimension is to make him say or write
his own name backwards • The problem is though, his name is already
a mess that saying it backwards is just as hard - so it's not a weakness, it's just a
bizarre thing that tends not to happen yet works somehow
8 - Bat-Mite • Another inter-dimensional imp, but more
of an annoyance than true enemy to Batman • He comes from a fifth dimension, too difficult
to understand for us with our measly 3 dimensions • He tends to show up and idolise Batman,
only disappearing when Batman tells him off to which he cries, as popularised by the animated
series, "I just wanna help" 7 - Calender Man
• This guy is a villain that only commits crimes on a given date, mainly holidays when
it's more lucrative or simpler • The only issue is, when you know the date
someone is planning a crime, would you, y'know, arrest him before that day and keep him there?
Criminal intention, maybe?
• Likewise, his costume is entirely composed of dates, so he's carrying around the time
and dates of his every crime so all you have to do is catch him and the evidence is pinned
all over his body • And his costume is bright RED, he couldn't
be more obvious in a crowd - he might actually be the worst superhero of all time, let alone
this list 6 - Pink Pearl
• You want to know what her superpower is?
She's fat.
She is EVIL because she is FAT.
Okay - that's it.
She opens a male strip club, and now she's known as a Master of Evil
• So take heed ladies and gentleman - if you get fat, you'll be labelled a dangerous
criminal 5 - Condiment King
• A recurring villian on Batman, he wields condiment cannons to spray food toppings on
superheroes, mainly mustard and ketchup • He's generally known for his Mr. Freeze-like
cringeworthy condiment puns, like, "I knew you'd ketchup with me sooner or later," and,
"Let's see if you can cut the mustard" • Wildly popular character, surprised he
didn't get his own feature film slash cooking documentary
4 - Ruby Thursday • A scientist who develops a high-tech organic
computer, but instead of selling or monetising it in any way, no, she carves up her own head
and plants it smack bang atop her neck • Now the red ball she calls a face can
alter its shape so she can form tentacles, fire projectiles and blasts of pure force
- and as a bonus if the sphere is removed from the body, she can still control it
• Now, this is just me, but I'd have just, y'know, left my head as it was and possibly
used a tablet or something, because when I get a critical error I wouldn't feel so great
about not being alive anymore 3 - Polka-Dot Man
• So, I feel mixed about this guy since the idea is both good and horrendous
• On one hand, Polka-Dot Man is covered in a suit made from polka dots that, when
removed, transform into a much larger object like a weapon or even a flying saucer
• But on the downside, the man is covered in a suit made from polka dots - and that
is he how commits crimes • Mmmm, inconspicuous
2 - Egg Fu • You know how people like to draw little
faces on eggs?
Let's make one of those a supervillian, sure, that's sounds like a ridiculously acceptable
idea • So they did, and Egg Fu is a Chinese Communist
house-sized egg with a twirly moustache that can whip or strangle people because why not
• He also has egg relatives, and a robot twin called Dr. Yes
1 - Fisherman • Aquaman is known worldwide as a pretty
unpopular, useless superhero - but what happens when you make an even LAMER but EVIL version?
• Fisherman uses a high-pressure suit, a fishing rod and several lures - yes, he's
just an ordinary fisherman that happens to commit crimes
• In one story, it's revealed he's actually an alien parasite that grafts itself onto
an individual's head, because otherwise nobody would care about his existence