What would happen if you replace Santa
Claus with the most feared villain in all the galaxy?
You may enter.
No!
Yes.
No!
Yes.
Where are my manners?
Let me get the door for me.
I am the one they call Santa Claus.
You're Darth Vader with a fake beard.
No, it's totally real.
No, it's not.
OK, you got me.
I'm not Santa Clause, but I am Darth Vader.
Yeah, I told you that already.
Oh, I sense a dirty diaper.
What have I done that has upset you?
[CRIES]
Don't look at me like that.
I didn't build this suit.
I didn't say, hey, make it scary.
Have you been naughty, or have you been nice this year?
Nice.
Why in the world would you want to be nice
when you can be naughty?
Um, I don't know?
Exactly, you don't know, because naughty is the best policy.
Have you ever been naughty before?
Huh-uh.
I have.
I've blown up a planet.
Have you ever done anything naughtier than that?
Yes.
Like what?
Convinced my brother to go on to the banister,
and then he fell 12 feet headfirst onto concrete.
Did he perish?
No sadly.
Why did you beat your sister up a little bit?
Because she pushed me of a banister.
Did she have to cut your hand off to do so?
No.
I don't know, it works for me.
Will, what do you want for Christmas?
A drone.
A drone?
A drone, yeah.
What do drones do?
Fly.
Like a TIE fighter?
Sort of.
This sounds perfect.
I also want a drone now.
A 29.5 inch basketball.
That's indoor.
I've got some hoops.
Yeah, Vader can take it to the rack with Authority.
Anything in the entire universe could be yours!
A cat?
Like a meow, meow cat?
Uh-huh.
What is one thing that you hope your kitty cat will do when
you get him on Christmas Day?
Give me a hug.
This may be the most adorable I have ever
heard in my existence.
I think I have a gift that you will enjoy.
It's a cloak.
There may be a sticker in there that says Obi-Wan.
Ignore that.
That's great.
Do you like it?
No.
They're black socks, what's not to like?
I wear a lot of black.
Yeah.
I think it looks good, do you think so?
Yeah.
Thank you, not a lot of people give me compliments.
It was my sons, he kind of gave it to me I guess you could say.
You don't seem like you like this present.
Because it is not money?
No, because it's a hand.
Oh.
A bit of a hand me down.
Get it?
Do you get it?
Yes.
You see what happens to good boys.
Up top!
Will you be joining me in the naughty side?
No.
Seriously?
I thought Santa was supposed to be good.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
You will join the naughty side.
You will join the naughty side?
But you're not going to the naughty side?
Uh-huh.
You are going to the naughty side.
Nope.
You said yes.
Got one!
Darth wins.
I mean, Santa.
Santa wins.
Say Palpatine!
Palpatine!
Vader doesn't get Christmas, but you do.
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drones.
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Back to work.
I'm not paying you to lollygag.
[SLURPS COFFEE]