- HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE KIDS?
[cheers and applause]
I DON'T.
[laughter]
THAT IS WHY THERE'S NO GUM IN MY HAIR.
FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DO HAVE KIDS,
HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH KIDS I FIND.
THEY WANT YOU TO HELP WITH THE HOMEWORK, DON'T THEY?
DO THEY ASK YOU-- YEAH.
AND THEN YOU TRY TO HELP,
BUT THEN IN YOUR HEAD, YOU'RE THINKING,
"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.
"THE WHOLE REASON I BECAME AN ADULT
"IS SO I WOULD NOT HAVE TO DO HOMEWORK.
YOU'RE THE KID."
AND SO I WANT TO HELP THE KIDS OUT,
AND I ASKED SOME OF MY YOUNG VIEWERS
TO SEND ME THEIR HOMEWORK QUESTIONS
FOR A NEW SEGMENT THAT I'M CALLING
"HOMEWORK-ER HELPER-ER."
[singing] - A-B-C
EASY AS 1, 2, 3
AS SIMPLE AS DO, RE, MI
A-B-C, 1, 2, 3
BABY, YOU AND ME, GIRL
A-B-C
EASY AS 1, 2, 3
AS SIMPLE AS DO, RE, MI
A-B-C, 1, 2, 3
BABY, YOU AND ME, GIRL
- ALL RIGHT, JUST WANTED TO GET TO THAT ONE PART.
THIS QUESTION IS FROM NEEL MANGLANI,
I BELIEVE, FROM THE NETHERLANDS.
SO MUCH FOR HELPING AMERICA.
NEEL, I CAN HELP YOU, BUT THE FIRST QUESTION--
IT REMINDS ME OF A CLASSIC JOKE.
WHY WAS SIX AFRAID OF SEVEN?
all: WHY WAS SIX AFRAID OF SEVEN?
- BECAUSE MATH IS TERRIFYING.
[laughter]
OKAY, LET'S TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
SO THE QUESTION IS, WHY--
IF X EQUALS THE SQUARE ROOT OF 3--
SO IF X EQUALS
THE SQUARE ROOT
OF 3
AND Y EQUALS
THE SQUARE ROOT
OF 3,
THEREFORE, "A" MUST EQUAL
THE SQUARE ROOT OF 3,
BECAUSE IF LETTERS ARE ANYTHING LIKE PEOPLE,
THEY'RE ALL EQUAL
AND DESERVE TO BE TREATED EQUALLY.
[cheers and applause]
AND IF YOUR TEACHER SAYS THAT'S WRONG,
YOU TELL HIM HE'S A BIGOT.
[laughter]
NEXT QUESTION.
SO THIS QUESTION COMES FROM STEPHANIE STERGIS
IN CONCORD, NORTH CAROLINA.
SHE SAYS:
WELL, STEPHANIE, SINCE YOUR QUESTION
IS ABOUT SPANISH CLASS,
I WILL ANSWER YOU IN ESPANOL.
YO NO SE. NEXT QUESTION.
NEXT QUESTION IS FROM AMANDA LANGOLF...
[laughter]
PORT HERON, MICHIGAN.
AMANDA, I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER THIS QUESTION.
LUCKILY, MY PRODUCER ANDY IS AN EXPERT
ON HUMAN SEXUALITY.
ANDY. - WHAT?
- HI, SO THE QUESTION IS, SHE--
WHAT COULD SHE USE AS SOME PROPS
TO DISCUSS SEXUALITY?
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS EARLIER.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT EARLIER.
- I HAVE NO-- I HAVE NO--SEXY--
SEXY PROPS, MAYBE?
- WHATEVER COMES TO MIND.
WHAT COMES TO MIND RIGHT NOW
WHEN YOU THINK OF PROPS FOR SEXUALITY?
- VEGETABLES. - OKAY.
[laughter]
WHAT TYPES OF VEGETABLES?
- [scoffs]
[laughter]
ZUCCHINI.
[laughter]
- OH, YOU GO WITH THE ZUCCHINI, DO YOU?
- I THINK-- I THINK WE'RE GOOD.
- OKAY. WELL, YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER.
WHAT DID YOU TALK TO ERIN ABOUT?
- I HAD HER MOTHER DO THAT WITH HER.
- OH, OKAY.
WELL, SO JUST THEN-- IF YOU'LL JUMP TO--
EXPLAIN THE SALE OF SEX. WHAT IS THAT?
- WELL, IT'S--
I CAN'T REALLY WIN HERE. IT'S A BAD THING.
AND IT'S WHERE PEOPLE PAY SOMEONE
FOR AFFECTION.
- RIGHT. THAT'S A GOOD WAY TO PUT IT.
HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?
[laughter]
- $150?
[laughter]
- WOW.
IT'S A BEEN A WHILE FOR YOU SINCE YOU'VE BEEN OUT THERE.
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH. KIDS ARE WATCHING.
THANK YOU FOR SENDING THOSE QUESTIONS.
IF ANYBODY NEEDS ANY HELP WITH AN ASSIGNMENT,
PLEASE SEND IT TO ME.