Ser Jordan and the entire Dream Team are back!
And they are going to destroy our realm
one house at a time.
Ser Jordan seeks to permanently end the debate,
to prove he is the GOAT of GOATs
It's no use. There's not a house in this realm
that could beat the Dream Team.
You're right.
That's why we've got to build one.
So, without further ado, I will announce
the members of the Super Super House
hereby known as the Knights of the Round Ball,
as selected by the Maesters of the Mediadel.
-Are you bloody serious? The Mediadel? -What do they know?
So where is this big battle supposed to take place?
Tonight, we ride...
for Seatttle.
Men, our enemy doesn’t tire.
They don’t manage their loads.
Their fundamentals are perfect,
and they don’t get distracted by social media ravens.
Expect relentless hand-checking
and ruthless physicality.
Not exactly your best pump-up speech there, Doc.
How much practice time do we have?
Our scouts say they’ll be here before dawn.
Ugh. Look at this roster.
They’re all masters of their positions.
So we go positionless. It’ll confuse them.
We’ve gonna have to be hyper efficient.
Attack the rim or stay back behind the arc.
Rangers, let 'em fly from deep early.
That’ll force them to respect our spacing.
Yes, I will hit them with a barrage of step backs.
And my passing ability will make them go
“WOW! I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS FROM A BIG MAN.”
And I’ll make sure to come up with some
wily bullshit that will get them technical fouls.
Right. You tell the refs the minute
you see one of their tunics come untucked.
We’ll need every edge
we can get against the Dream Team.
We could try going 2-3,
and force them into a long game of zones.
Nope, '90s rules.
That would be illegal defense.
Crazy idea here, but uh,
we could go small.
Mike…no.
Look,
we have the talent,
we have the skills,
and we have the strategy.
But the reason I KNOW we will prevail
is that we've got...
the ultimate weapon.
Analytics?
No...
You.
Oh, yeah…
no, I've got this...
Go right for the heart.
You take Ser Jordan one-on-one
and push his ass around.
If he falls, they break.
You want to prove you’re the GOAT?
This is your chance.
Yeah…yeah…no problem.
I mean it’s just Michael Jordan, right?
You know that?
Will you excuse me for a second?
I actually have to
take my talents to the chamber pot...
thanks.
He’s got this.
Hello everyone.
Welcome to the first ever meeting of
the Order of the All-Seeing Eye.
Now, of course
by “eye,” I mean “me.”
I am all seeing.
In case you didn’t know, I’m a genius.
I invited you all here
not because we’re friends,
but because WE are part of a spiritual house,
one built around our
shared hatred of a common enemy.
Nik Stauskus.
-KAT! -Playing defense! -Balls!
Guys, no.
Steph Curry?
Kevin Durant.
No. Guys, no.
You're all here as victims of great snubbery,
excluded from All-Realm teams,
harassed by ignorant ‘fanlings,'
chastised by analytics blog boys
living in their parents’ dungeons.
But let us wallow no longer
in the backcourt of despair,
for the shot clock on our slander nears zero.
I have a dream,
a vision of a Realm with no haters,
no ‘hot takes’
and no raven trolls
sowing the seeds of disunity.
A realm where we can just
play basketball in peace.
But first,
we must destroy that which stands in our way:
THE MEDIADEL!
Here here!
But isn’t the Mediadel too powerful?
What’s your plan, Kyrie?
He doesn’t need a plan, Draymond.
He’s an artist. He improvises.
I’m an artist, Kevin.
You never let me do what I want.
Yes I did.
I left that so you could
take whatever stupid shots you please.
This group is gonna destroy itself
before it destroys the Mediadel.
Well then we better get started.
Follow me.
He went to the bench feeling heated
Down from his post up high
Over the boos of the crowd and the whistles
They all heard his famous cry
You can get two shots
when a soft knight flops
But a ball will never lie
Poor Sheed can plead
while the refs plays deaf
That a ball will never lie
That was actually quite good, Dame.
Yeah, for a knight. Wow.
Yeah, for a musician…
it’s not great.
But for a knight… it’s pretty legit.
Now Oladipo…whew!
HE’S good for a bard.
Like, he’s legitimately good.
Indubitably. Oh my god,
when he played Thingithmagigith on The Masked Singer?
Oh my god, indubitably.
Oh, yeah yeah.
His voice is so good, it makes my arms blush.
Alllllright…
Well, if the Realm is ending tomorrow,
I’ve got some things to take care of.
James, you should get some rest.
Are you going to bed?
Uh, something like that.
What was that about?
He’s going to a brothel.
Snitch!
What it do?
James, uh, wait up. Wait up!
What in seven hells was that?
I’ll tell you.
Before Brooklyn,
House Nets hailed from Jersey,
but the fanlings were few,
so the Lords of House Nets attempted a rebrand.
They designed a new court,
new tunics, armor and...
a new mascot.
But some thought this new mascot was just
too cool.
That the realm wasn’t ready
for something so...
totally radical.
Swamp Dragons? That’s a myth.
Is this another one of your conspiracy theories?
See for yourself.
Hey, Kyrie! What’s up? You’re back!
Hey, you brought some cool dudes?
'Sup, dudes?
I hear you guys want to totally wreck the media.
I'm down.
Don’t show that kind of frustration in front of Ser Jordan.
It’s like blood in the water.
Oh. Looks like we’ve got a Jordan expert over here, eh?
You could say that.
Kobe?
I figured I could be of some service.
Wait, you want to help us defeat Jordan?
But you’ve always worshiped him.
Aye.
He inspired me,
but I kneel to no man.
I serve the good of the Realm.
You must continue
to move the game forward, King James.
You are my legacy.
Those knights in there,
they are our legacy.
I sense doubt.
Look, I know I have the size,
the skill, the power, but...
this is Ser Jordan!
I mean, the guy scored 38 points in the Finals
when he had the PLAGUE!
Yes, he’s a killer.
And to defeat him,
one must become a killer.
Wait, what?
Cut away all your distractions.
Cut away self-doubt and insecurity.
Once you have removed
all that does not serve you in battle,
you have found your mamba form.
I’m sorry...
I don't think I understand.
I’m saying...
you need to shave your head.
It's a shame.
the world is going to end tomorrow,
and I don’t even know how it began.
I heard that our world was made when
the gods smashed two universes together.
That’s why it doesn’t make much sense, you know?
LeBron?
What happened to you?
So? What do you think?
Looks good.
Finally.
OK, phew!
Because I just shaved off
like forty thousand gold worth of hair potions.
What in the seven hells?
They're here.
Halt!
Ser Jordan!
End this now before you embarrass yourself.
Wait, what are you all doing here?
It's not safe.
It is now.
For House Sunkings will defend the realm.
What’s a Sun King?
We are a newly formed superhouse comprised of the
best knights from House Suns and House Kings.
Alone, we wallow in eternal mediocrity.
Maybe worse!
But together,
we stand toe-to-toe with anyone.
You should leave now, before it’s too late.
The Dream Team will be here any minute.
Well then...
Sun Kings! Ready yourselves.
Guys, guys. I can’t watch you get slaughtered.
Let me join you.
We don’t need you.
We have Deandre Ayton and uh...
who is the guy we took over Luka?
Jaren Jackson!
Marvin Bagley.
Marvin Bagley, yes!
Ugh.
Knuckleheads!
Sun Kings!
Flame your balls!
What?
I'm not gonna say it.
Sun Kings! ATTACK!
We don't need Luka!
[Battle cries]
[Battle cries fade]
I don’t know anything about the Sun Kings,
but the Sun Kings in trouble.
Well,
there goes eight easy wins.
Yes.
I would absolutely take Jahlil Okafor over Ben Simmons.
Um...
Can we talk about how we're being
attacked by Russell Westbrook right now?
Block the lanes!
Ha! Russ attacking the media?
What else is new?
Come on. He shoots twenty percent from the outside.
I wouldn’t be too concerned.
I don’t care about the numbers.
I mean, he's got that killer instinct.
I want him taking the fi—
I told you!
The Swamp Dragon...
It lives.
IT LIVES!
Alright, I have a little pump-up speech I prepared.
You know?
Actually, guys, I would be selling you all short
if I read from this shit.
So I'm gonna go straight from the heart.
If you’re to believe the old heads,
our enemy hails
from an era far superior to our own.
They are slayers of giants,
ogres and dragons.
Untouchable.
Immortal!
They are the gods of this game.
And we should just
get on our knees and thank them
for the right to live in their shadow.
But against the hollow ghosts of the past,
the future is the eternal underdog.
Today,
we fight with the wind at our backs.
And those gusts howl
with the cries of
legendary knights, yet unborn.
Now I could go on,
but our generation
doesn’t have the attention span for that.
So let’s go out there,
and show them
what efficient basketball looks like!
MY FELLOW GODS OF TOMORROW,
WE ARE
THE DREAM TEAM’S
NIGHTMARE!