Do you want to wait around for the circumstances in our world to change so
you can finally be happy? Or do you want to learn what to do to make yourself
happy?
I know you've heard that happiness is a choice. That can be so irritating
and annoying depending on who's saying it. The first step that I'm going to
share with you about how to make yourself happy is to understand the
psychology behind happiness which includes choice and responsibility. What
is it that we have choice about? Because sometimes we don't feel happy. And to
have someone imply that, can kind of get us fired up as we say, "Why would I ever
choose this if I'm not happy?" Understanding how your mind processes
your experiences will help you to see how happiness is quite literally a
choice. I'm not going to get into all the psychology behind that on this
particular video. But I do have a resource for you. This is called portable
positivity. It's a little mini book. It's so cute and it fits inside of a pocket
or in your purse really easily. In this book, I have described the model that I'm
talking about. You can get a free copy of this DrPaulJenkins.info/
(and then the title) portablepositivity. Go grab it. Look at the model
and you'll understand what I'm talking about. What this model helps you to do is
understand how to operate the equipment of your own mind so that you'll see how
happiness is a choice. You don't get to choose what happens to you. Have you
noticed? Some of that stuff just happens. But you do get to choose how your mind
then processes your experiences. And that's all explained in the mini book.
There's also an element of responsibility that's important to
understand right up front. It's not anyone's responsibility to make
happy. This is something I go into in detail when I do couples coaching.
Because they think that it's their spouses responsibility to make them
happy. It's not. It's your responsibility to make yourself happy. That's on you. And
I think understanding the psychology is going to help. But that personal
responsibility is absolutely essential. Otherwise you continue to wait for or
expect or demand that other people or circumstances change in order for you to
be happy. And that's a trap. It is a trap. It will have you constantly
waiting for "I'll be happy when ____." That's a trap. So, watch out for that. Personal
responsibility. And pay attention to the definition of happiness too because it
does not mean free from pain or challenge. In fact, I think that's an
essential element of happiness when we really understand what it is. It doesn't
mean that you're going to be carefree and nothing is going to happen that
pushes you or challenges you. It means that regardless of what happens in your
life, you can take a position that allows you to experience joy and happiness. It's
really more about your internal state. That's why my first tip is all about
understanding the psychology behind it. Now, let's get practical. My second
suggestion on what to do to make yourself happy is to plan and protect
your free time. Think about what I'm saying here because we divide up our
time among a lot of different demands, right? I took a course from Dan Sullivan
who is the Strategic Coach. And he really teaches this principle for entrepreneurs.
But I think it applies to all of us. Where we get so sucked into doing our
job taking care of our family making sure we meet our obligations here and
there and everywhere. Though we lose an important part of experiencing happiness
and joy. And that is when we get to have free time. Now, let's define that. Free
time means that you are free from all of those obligations for
a brief period of time where you get to disconnect. And Dan suggests that we do
this for at least 24 hours. And I don't know if you've got that kind of a chunk
of time available to you. You can start small if you want to where you
disconnect completely. Some people sabotage this because they plan their
free time but then they take their device along with them and they check in
on their email and they try to keep up with their obligations while they're
doing it. No. Disconnect. Free time is all about rejuvenation. Take a look at the
word for a minute. Rejuvenation has the same root as the word juvenile. And it
basically means to make young again. What if we could make you young again? Would
that be awesome? The energy in the enthusiasm for life that can return when
we feel rejuvenated. So, your free time is all about rejuvenation and focusing on
your key relationships. That's what it's all about. This brings perspective and it
helps you to feel and experience joy. My third suggestion to you is also very
practical. Take care of the equipment. What equipment? Your mind, your body. This
place where you live, take care of it. What that means is you get to have
enough sleep you get to have a good balanced diet. You get to engage in
regular exercise. Those 3 things at a minimum. Sleep, diet, exercise. Take care of
the equipment. I'm not going to get into all the reasons why this is important.
It's probably obvious to you. This is absolutely essential to our happiness.
When this isn't feeling good, happiness is elusive. It's hard to hang
on to. So, take care of the equipment. Tip number 4, slow down. Slow down. We're
moving way too fast. Would you agree? It feels like we're at a
frenzied pace a lot of times. And that steals away our happiness
And our joy. Push the pause button. In accordance with this, also be present.
There are studies that have shown us that psychologically speaking when we're
not experiencing peace and happiness and joy, it's because our mind has been
sucked into the past where we experience depression and shame and guilt. Or we get
sucked into the future where we experience anxiety and fear and
apprehension. When we can keep our mind fully present, we feel peace and joy and
happiness. Or at least it's more likely. Even if what we're doing right now, we're
not particularly engaged in. But what if we could be? Let's say that you're doing
the dishes for example. What a mundane task. It would be easy to let my mind
just go to what happened yesterday or get sucked into "I wonder what's going to
happen tomorrow." Bring it back. Be present. Remember we're going to slow down. We're
not going to rush into tomorrow. We're not going to dwell in the past. Just be right
here. So, if you're doing the dishes, feel the water. Notice that the dishes are
dirty which means that you have food and that you've been able to eat. And feel
that. Be in the moment. Be present. One of the definitions of the word present is a
gift. What an amazing gift that you can give to yourself and to the people that
you love. What if you were fully present? Slow down. Be present. Powerful. My last
suggestion to you about making yourself happy is to forget about yourself a
little bit. I know this sounds a little counterintuitive but there are solid
psychological reasons that turning our focus outward to others and to what
they're experiencing and how we might be able to enhance or enrich the experience
of somebody else actually creates feelings inside of us that most people
describe as being happiness or joy. It's amazing
to me that it can be that simple. I remember a client of mine who had called
me in a crisis. He was actually visiting in another city where he was to be a
keynote speaker in a big conference. But he was so depressed that he couldn't
even leave his hotel room. He was having suicidal thoughts, he was stuck in a
really dark place and so he called me. I was just about to go in with another
client. So, I didn't have a lot of time to talk to him right then. But I gave him an
assignment. I said, here's what I want you to do. I don't care if you feel like
doing it. I just want you to do it. Put something on, go down to the hotel lobby
and make a meaningful difference in 2 people's lives.
I'll call you back in an hour. Go do it. Now, he was a little resistant at
first but he was open to it. And he didn't have anything else to do at the
moment. And so he did it. What do you think happened? You know what happened. He
came back an hour later as I called him back after my my appointment ended, I
called him back. And I said, "How you doing? What happened?" He said, "I did what
you asked me to do, doc. I went down to the hotel lobby and I found a woman down
there who was struggling to get these three big bags out the door so that she
could load him into her car as she was departing the hotel. it was really easy
to just go over and help her with one of those bags." How did you feel?", I asked him.
"Oh, doc. You know, I wasn't sure that this would make a difference when you
told me to do it. But as I was helping her, I completely forgot about my own
problems for a few minutes." Yeah, have you experienced this as well? And then he
told me about another experience he had. He had made a meaningful difference for
2 people within that hour. The depression lifted enough that he could
get himself up and go do it he needed to do. And it may have also saved his life.
I'm not sure that I want to push it to that extent but I know that this has
saved lives before. And it may have saved his.
Get outside of yourself look for somewhere to serve. It's a powerful way
to make yourself happy. You may not have known that we've got all kinds of
resources available for you in your personal development. Making yourself
happy? Yeah, we can help you with that. Come on over to live on purpose central.
DrPaulJenkins.com. And join our community of support for conscious
people like you.
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