I see a fifth- or sixth-seed team
[cheers]
Who will, at best, make it to the second round
We are the new Kings of the East!
Ugh, this again?
Didn't we do this last year?
I defend anyone
Except LeBron
We'll take the horse
Wait, I'm not a bust
He says he's not a bust
Oh, he's a bust all right
There will be a new King in the East
[terrible scream]
But, why must you leave?
I’m a free agent now
Will you be back?
Aye. One way or another
But...but, where will you go?
I will raise the sails of me heart
and let the winds of destiny blow where they–
and let the winds of destiny blow where they– -C'mon mate
You’re wearing a Lakers tunic
Well...yeah
Paul, you realize House Lakers are bad, right?
Russ, in my years, I’ve come to accept
that I will lose in the playoffs no matter where I go
But Los Angeles has a beach
[sniffles]
[sniffles] Alright, well
I must be going. Grunion season is upon us
Yah yah!
Surf's up, mate
Aw, c’mon now, Russ. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna go anywhere.
[sob]
[murmur] I actually kind of liked Pusha T’s diss track
[murmur] I don’t wanna tell Drake, though
[murmur] I thought he went too far talking about Drake’s parents and all
[bang]
Shh, shh, Drake wants to say something
Shh, shh, Drake wants to say something [bang]
You’re wondering why I brought you all here
After all, we just had a feast to celebrate our No. 1 seed
And since when does Old Drake give two feasts in a single fortnight?
[murmur] Yeah, we love you Drake!
Well it’s no good being Lord of the Six
if you can’t celebrate a first-round victory with your woes
The great knights of House Raptors!
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah, we're the North!
Sure, the scribes, they don’t want to talk about us
[grunts]
Some dingy house in the North
[laughs]
They all just want to talk about The Process
Boo!
Boo! Ben Simmons can suck my–
And the washed up King LeBron
Boo! I hate LeBron!
Well I say, LeBron can have his stupid Feast of the East
Yeah!
This year, the North will feast
on the East!
[cheer]
But first, a toast!
No more of that southern horse piss
Proper wine for proper knights
Courtesy of your Champagne Papi
Stand together!
North...over everything!
North over everything!
Not you
I’m not wasting good wine on a damn horse
Here, to the men who slaughtered the Wizards in only six games
That's right, we did! Yeah, they suck!
Yes, yes. Cheer.
Brave men. All of you
Took six games to beat a house
that had three less wins this year than the Nuggets
That's right! Oh...
Haven’t you little northern knights learned?
After all these years,
killing pawns means nothing
if you can’t fell the King
[choking]
Am I dying?
No, we're just choking. You'll get used to it.
When people ask you what happened here, tell them King James still rules the East
Also, tell them I’m better than Michael Jordan
King James has slaughtered the Raptors in four battles
But I thought The Messiah Ujiri could walk on water
Wah! Any other Master of Trades would be torched
The King then conquered Bostonia after a grueling seven battles
Wah! Tatum’s ceiling is still lower than Fultz
Hm, what’s this?
Bryan Colangelo is dumb and his collars are too big, ugh
Wah! Brian’s collars are normal-sized, find a new slant
Aw, thank you Honest Abe
Wah! Bryan is a class act! I worked with him. So classy!
You know, when my wife decided to raise little burner ravens, I had my doubts
But I’ve really grown to love you all
Even you, little Jacob Reuben
Wah! Bryan you’re so attractive. Jahlil failed his physical, did you know that?
Oh, Phila1234567, did someone mention me?
Hmm...from Joel
Lord Hinkie is better and smarter than you, Eric Jr.
Eric Jr.?!
Wah! Wish I had a medium-sized ladder!
Shh, shh!
What’s this? The Curious Case of Bryan Long Collars?
Wah! Normal Collar!
Shut up, shut up!
It's long
Bryan, are you in there?
I’m busy!
Maester Detrick of the Ringer Guild has published a paper accusing you of using burner ravens
Is this true?
What? No, that’s ridiculous
Sorry, Honest Abe
Wah! Class Act!
Where is he getting all this?
Some analytics wizard did an analysis of the scrolls
Analytics wizard?
No...
[gasps]
Hinkie!
[knock, knock]
That you, Lord Ainge?
[muffled] Teamwork
Gordon? Another late night of boardgaming?
Alright, Terry. I think maybe you’re taking this “scary” thing a bit too far, no?
Your Grace? What are you doing here?
Dah!
Aah!
[pant] Hwah!
It is your time
Spurs of the East
[screams in pain]