So, we're just going to talk about the time period
before all of this happened.
OK.
When you're at university,
first time you met this guy and your whole life changed.
I was a student
at the top agricultural college in England.
But it was a horrible time.
In the early 90s,
the whole nation was kind of wary
of the fact that the Irish Republican Army
had declared war.
The bomb, 100 pounds of explosives,
had been packed into a van parked
in a narrow side street.
The Irish Republican Army is taking credit
for today's mortar attack
that landed in the British prime minister's backyard.
Caught in a storm of flying glass and debris,
the shocked and bewildered victims were taken to…
Today, the IRA warned that this weekend's attacks
would be followed by more bombings
as long as the British government continue
to occupy part of Ireland.
Among us were terrorists
who were planting bombs to disrupt our way of life.
There was a large Irish population at the college,
and the college was under
some sort of…
surveillance or suspicion
because a student was gunrunning for the IRA.
The 20-year-old student
from the Harper Adams Agricultural College
had been stopped by the police.
They found two Kalashnikov rifles,
100 rounds of ammunition,
and traces of five different types of explosives
in his car.
It seemed a bit surreal
that this terrorist had been found in our midst.
After that, completely out of the blue,
one of my Irish friends committed suicide.
Why on earth would such a great guy do that?
I went to the pub.
The IRA…
I was talking to a new barman, Rob.
I'd got to know him in the last few weeks.
I told Rob about my friend's death,
and he said,
"Do you really think your friend committed suicide?"
"Your friend didn't commit suicide."
"The IRA shot him."
"He saw something he shouldn't have seen."
"Well, what did my friend see?"
He said, "You know how to make a bomb, don't you?"
I was like, "Not really, no."
"The main ingredients are fertiliser and diesel."
"Where do you get fertiliser and diesel?"
"They're both used on farms."
"So, the student here that was running guns,
do you think he was acting alone?"
"These people work in cells
and there's still a cell to find."
Of course, I asked, "Well, how do you know this?"
"I'm not who you think I am."
"This is all just a cover."
"I'm an MI5 agent."
Rob said what they need is somebody in the college
to help expose this IRA cell.
"We've seen your record and it's clean."
"We're gonna use you."
There was a bit of me that was excited.
The idea of taking some terrorists off the street,
sure, I'm all in favour of that.
He said, "How many fights have you been in?"
And I said, "I'm not a fighter."
"I avoid conflict."
It became apparent that I needed some training.
Rob showed me how to… jab.
As well as training me to throw a punch,
Rob trained me to take a punch.
"You need to be able to take it
from whichever angle it comes from."
I can't remember how many times he punched me,
and I had a small sense of relief
that I'd taken it,
that I was passing the test.
I was tasked with
writing down the number plates
of all the cars
in one particular part of campus
closest to the nitrogen fertiliser store.
And then, Rob had me write down
a list of names of people I was suspicious of
who had access to fertiliser.
My housemate Jim was on that list.
Rob and his bosses suspected Jim.
"Jim's one of them."
The idea that Jim was involved with the IRA
was shocking and hard to believe, definitely.
But not beyond belief.
Me and Jim lived in the same house as Maria and Sarah.
Sarah was my girlfriend.
Rob said his bosses were telling him
it was not safe for us to be there anymore.
"We're in grave danger and we need to go now."
"Not just me and you, but the girls as well."
So I said, "Are you gonna tell the girls
as much as I know?"
"No, no, no, it's too dangerous."
"They could put the operation in jeopardy."
"How on earth are you gonna get the girls to go then?"
"You're going to have to lie to them
to save their lives."
Maria and I were summoned to the pub
because he needed to tell us something,
and he sat us down
and said that he'd got cancer
and that it was terminal.
The thought of him dying,
yes, it was very, very sad.
Not only was he my boyfriend at that point,
but he was also a friend.
They were devastated.
Sarah, particularly.
And I had that sickening feeling
of having just told the most disgusting lie.
It's definitely the worst thing
I've done in my entire life.