How do you know if things are moving too fast with the new guy?
What do you say when a guy asks you, what are you looking for in a guy, and what should
you expect when you're long distance guy that you've been talking to for a while is coming
on holiday to visit you?
Welcome to Ask Mark.
It's week number 32 and some exciting channel news, Brett Ellis is going to be joining me
to help me answer the comments.
I will not be going anywhere, fear not, but I do need some help to get your comments answered
and to, I love the interactivity of this channel.
I love it.
I want to keep it so you can check out the link.
It will take you through to the master coach channel and Brett is here.
You can find out about Brett.
What he does.
He's going to be helping me answer your questions.
Let's get straight onto this week's questions.
We've got some good ones, and the first one is from Carrie and Carrie says, hi Mark, I'm
new to the channel.
Great to have you on here.
Carrie, thank you for joining me and trying to watch the most poignant back videos.
I just watched your video on the Romeo dating personality and I was thinking of my own dating
personality and I'm ashamed to say I might be a Romeo, by the way, Carrie, you would be
a Juliet, not a Romeo, but my feelings are always authentic.
Uh, but quick because I loathe wasted time.
So I'm open with guys and stick with the ones who can respect my personality.
Anyway, I just met a guy on online dating app and seems like he likes me, a Romeo, but
not a Romeo.
Uh, I just thought we're both 30 and are just being very transparent.
When he texts me saying, he can't wait to see me again and I feel the same, which I do,
I just say it back, uh, Mark, can there be a relationship between two potential Romeos?
Carrie.
This is a really interesting question because what it's touching on is what's a Romeo, what's
a Juliet versus what's an emotionally open, healthy person?
And we're flipping between the two here.
And uhm Carrie, I'm not sure which category you're in.
If you haven't seen the video on Romeos, check it out.
I'll put the link in the description, and we haven't touched on female dating personalities
a lot.
I get that man can be crazy too, but y'all have your moments as well.
So I've got to get videos out on those.
But the Juliet is essentially the male, the female equivalent of the Romeo.
Things go way too fast, things go in an unhealthy speed and it's more for the high of love than
it is for actually finding the right person.
Now, when a Juliet meets Romeo, all hell can break loose within a couple of weeks.
You know, we're spending five days a week together we're talking kids and family and
it's not great and Romeo's and Juliet's tend to tend to go down, uh, emotionally not so
good path.
Um, that said, Carrie, what you're describing here is not that.
You're describing a lot of signs of, Hey, I'm just emotionally open and I'm emotionally
healthy, expressive with the guys I date.
You know, I have one client and she was in this habit a bit and now we filled her life
with things that she loves and she's feeling good about it.
And it's great because you know a guy, um Oh no, actually she said, oh no, a guy asked
her out and he said, are you free Wednesday?
And she wasn't, uh, and this was like Sunday.
And she said, actually I've got this idea Sunday, did you want to do this with me?
And he said, I'd love to, can't wait to see you.
And they have that kind of communication but you know, they're still doing their own thing.
They're still seeing each other once a week.
They keeping their own priorities even though they can be honest and transparent with one
another and that's what you want.
That's awesome.
So you want to avoid the pattern of coming together way too fast.
But of course no games cause that's, that's the only way to avoid this is like you start
playing games with each other.
You start pretending that taking way too long to text back or pretending to not be interested.
Of course you can tell the guy you like him.
That's fantastic.
That doesn't make you a Romeo or Juliet that makes you emotionally healthy and open.
You're willing to be vulnerable and put yourself on the line.
And that's fantastic because that's getting rarer and rarer and that's what this channel
is all about.
What you wanna do is keep that balance and keep that sort of priority balance.
Again, the guy shouldn't shoot up your priority list and that's what a Romeo and Juliet will
do to each other within a couple of weeks.
They're each other's number one priority.
That's crazy.
You don't want to go down that road.
You want to keep your priorities, keep your life, make sure you're building that life.
Cause if you're not, all you can do is play hard to get.
Make sure you're building that life, keep those priorities and then definitely be emotionally
open.
If you are worried by the way, or maybe Carrie, or a few out there and you're going, Oh I
think I'm a bit of a Juliet and I think I've met a genuine Romeo and we're getting all
ahead of ourselves.
Always remember if it's meant to be, it will work out.
Okay.
Just you don't have to rush it within four weeks.
You can take months and if he's the right guy, things will still work out.
Whereas only the wrong guy will need to force things in such a short amount of time.
The thing to keep in your mind.
Second question is from Sarah and Sarah says, I'm going on holiday with someone I met while
on holiday this past March.
Uh, he lives in the UK and I live in America and we have been speaking/FaceTiming ever
since.
Fantastic.
And this is a great example of, Hey, I met someone I really like and we're both putting
in the effort.
We're both, f*ck yes.
I want to get to know you.
This is really great.
We picked a date and location for our holiday together.
Any advice on what to expect?
What should I do as a female to make sure I look and feel amazing on this trip?
Sarah, I could give you very cliche, routine advice.
Here's what to do, look forward to.
Have lots of fun playing nice activities.
Um, but I'm going to go a different route with this question cause I wanted to talk
about something a little bit more serious.
Long distance leaves you in this relationship time warp where you feel like you're six months
or six years in and actually your relationship has all the maturity of six weeks so you can
be compatible with just about anyone on holidays.
You can, you could go on holidays and practically be compatible with a seal.
When you go on holidays, you're both in your best state, right?
It's like you're both, how many TV shows do they send couples to Fiji and all things worked
out.
Things are great.
Of course they did.
They were in f*cking Fiji.
When you're on holidays, everything is so much easier because there's no stress, there's
no real life stuff.
There's nothing actually going on that causes relationship dramas and this is the hard thing
about your situation, Sarah, is you're jumping from like high point and then you've got a
bunch of high points throughout the days with your one hour Skype chats, which are great.
You're going to get to know someone quite well over that.
But then you go to another high point.
So Sarah, look, the biggest thing I would say to this question is rather than worrying
about looking and feeling your best, worry about is this guy compatible?
If I was coaching you, I'd have you write a list of values.
Take this guy out of the equation, completely taken out of your mind.
Think of a silhouetted dark man that you are going to marry one day and look at what are
his values?
Write those down and then spend the trip thinking, does this guy possess these values?
Does this guy possess the deeper things that I'm actually looking for in a man?
You're on a holiday, so it's not going to be easy, but you can just do the best you
can.
So the first thing Sarah to think is rather than how do I get him to like me, how do I
ensure things go well?
Is am I truly compatible with this guy? Uh second thing, how can I have fun?
Notice I didn't necessarily say, how can we have fun?
I said, how can I have fun?
Now, it sounds super selfish, but I guarantee, if you're having fun and you're doing stuff
that you're enjoying, the guy is going to vibe with that as well.
So something I was asking myself, how can I have fun on a date?
How can I make sure that even if the company is not fantastic, I'm still going to have
a good time and as coffee is boring as shit, right?
So do something fun and if you can set up fun things, things that you enjoy and see
what obviously he enjoys as well, but the more fun you're having, the more fun you're
both going to have together.
Uh, number three is outcome.
You haven't shared Sarah, what you guys are, you haven't shared.
If you're dating exclusively, if he's going to move, if there is some future plans, um,
there's going to be a calm down after this and you know, you said what to expect.
Expect it to go really well because most of these do.
But that's also kind of a problem is where does it go after that?
Is there going to be another holiday in a year?
Do you wait another year before you see each other again?
I don't know if you guys are exclusive, if you're not exclusive and you're just doing
this, how you want to see each other, that's kind of great.
You're going to enjoy it.
It's like a fly in, fly out boyfriend.
You're going to have a fantastic week and then you can keep talking and worry about
exclusiveness down the line if that's something you both want to do.
If you are exclusive, it's actually much trickier because you've then got to go, how do we not
give away another 12 months to actually figure out if we're compatible.
So Sarah kind of have have um, the outcome in mind, not in terms of agenda, but just
in terms of thinking, alright, what are we going to do after this?
Am I just enjoying this for what it is now and I can let go of anything and we'll see
what happens in the future.
Or are we actually going to chat about these compatibility points at some point towards
the end of this holiday kind of thing?
How are we going to keep sustaining this in an exclusive manner?
And if so, do we see a longterm forecast?
Good question.
Uh, Okay.
Is the last question and Okay says, Hey Mark, I love your videos.
Thank you, Okay.
She says, I have a question.
I know it's going to be different for every guy, but if a guy asked something like, what
do you look for in a guy?
How should I answer that?
Like after all my trials and errors, I'm pretty solid on what I want and could give him a
very thorough answer.
But should or should I just say briefly what I want a guy with a good heart that draws
my attraction basically.
Should I include what I look for physically as well or is it going to put him off?
Um, my physical requirements aren't even bad.
Will love to hear what you think or if maybe you already have a video on that.
Greetings from Sweden.
Good question, Okay.
I like this and it got me thinking.
It really got me thinking this one.
You obviously don't want to spam the guy.
What do I look for in a guy?
What a great question.
Okay, number one, you've got to be making at least 300 K a year because I'm sorry, 250
just ain't gonna cut it for this girl.
Number two, six pack is a basic necessity for any woman these days, so just make sure
you're dialing one and if not, feel free to go to the gym for a year to get one for me.
Number three, I'm going to need you to know how to treat a woman at all times because
if I have to pay for myself, yeah, your mind just aren't going to work out.
Number four, I just want to say that penis length is very important to me if you're not
between say yay and yay, you're outside my official qualifying range.
You'll need to get some surgery before we can chat further.
Oh, I almost forgot, number five, short hair on a guy is just so sexy.
All right, so Stacey standards aside, how do you actually answer this question?
Well, you want to make sure you pick things that are non physical, very important.
If you're qualifying guys on physical means, it makes you seem really superficial.
Number two, you want to make sure that you include just one or two things, just one or
two, keep the conversation fun.
I'm talking in person here, it's a little bit different online.
And number three, you want to pick things that are specific but applied in a general
way.
So for example, Okay, here has said, uh, someone says, okay, what do you want in a guy?
I want to go with a good heart that draws my attraction.
When I hear that as a guy, I'm just kind of like, meh, it's kind of bland.
It's not specific, but it's also very general.
It's not something that I can qualify myself to.
If you're looking for a good heart, you'd be much better off saying, what do you want
in a guy?
Do you know what?
I think honesty is really sexy.
As unusual as that sounds.
I love, I love a man with the courage to tell things like it is and be honest, even when
it scares him, a guy is going to receive that.
Well, you might say a good heart.
You might say, do you know what?
I love the guy who makes time for the people around him and shows how much he cares for
them.
You're taking a specific concept and having it applied in a general way that a guy can
actually think, Oh, I can possess that.
I can qualify to that.
A third one for you might be passion, so rather than just saying, Oh, I want a guy who just
has ambition in his life or has passion, you say, do you know what?
I really love a man who knows where he's going and has a plan to get there.
Most importantly though, he has to love what he does along the way.
These are very general concepts, but you're communicating them in a kind of specific way
that the guy can qualify himself to.
Then the guys that you like is going to be thinking, huh, do I have that?
Oh, that's really cool.
I can respect that.
I can possess that and he's going to be thinking, how can I qualify myself to her with this
cool trait and show that I possessed this?
Don't want to be too specific cause you're ruling out entirely.
You don't want to be physical because that's just being superficial, but you don't want
to be so bland that he kind of just shrugs his shoulders and keeps talking to you.
You're wanting to be thinking, I can prove to her that I've got that.
Well, that's a video.
Thank you for watching.
But if your comments, thoughts, questions, et cetera, below, I'd love to hear from you.
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And I'll see you in the next video on Friday.