Election Day 2018 is only 29 days away.
And if you can vote,
I hope you don't take for granted
the amazing opportunity you have
to get a free sticker, okay?
As a non-U.S. citizen, I've gone broke buying those stickers.
You appreciate them.
And now, one of the more interesting midterm contests
is the governor's race in Georgia.
It's between Stacey Abrams and Brian Kemp,
and I'm not even gonna waste time
telling you which party they belong to,
'cause, I mean, come on. I mean, really, now.
So, here to help us break down this Southern race
is our very own Southern gentleman,
Roy Wood Jr., everybody.
(cheering and applause)
-What's happening? -I know, Roy.
Yeah, man.
Now, this race is serious, Trevor.
Serious business. And, you know,
I know many people think of Georgia as a red state,
but nowadays, it's a lot like old white people's feet:
getting weirdly bluer and bluer.
And that's mostly because Georgia's population
is getting blacker and browner.
Just take a look at these pictures.
This is a Georgia farm in the year 2000.
Now, check out that same farm 18 years later.
(laughter)
Significantly more Migos in that second picture.
Way more Migos.
And if those minority voters go her way,
Stacey Abrams could become the first black woman
elected governor of any state.
-Any state. Which is ridiculous. -(cheering and applause)
It's ridiculous that it hasn't happened yet.
I mean, we've had a time traveling robot governor.
Hell, we even had a warm glass of skim milk as governor.
But we're still waiting to give a black woman a chance.
Well, Roy, it sounds like, right now,
Stacey Abrams has got people excited.
-Like, what do you think it is? -Oh, well, I mean, you know,
she's got a really progressive platform--
criminal justice reform, more money for health care
and education. But, for me,
her big draw is her résumé.
REPORTER: Abrams is used to being the first.
The first African-American girl to be valedictorian
at her high school and got her law degree from Yale.
She was the first African-American to lead
in the Georgia House of Representatives
and the first female leader
in the history of the Georgia General Assembly
and authored eight romantic suspense novels
under the pen name Selena Montgomery.
See?
-She writes... -(cheering and applause)
romance!
She writes romantic suspense novels with names
like Reckless and Hidden Sins.
Those sexy-time books should help her win
a key voting demographic,
the horny-ass mama.
-Wait, that's-that's a-- -Horny mamas.
-that's a key voting demographic? -Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, man. Horny-ass mamas, man?
They have lots of demands, too.
Tax breaks on bubble baths,
bringing back those really big wine glasses,
and funding to develop a candle that smells
like Mark Ruffalo.
Ooh, you-you ever smell Mark Ruffalo?
-I-I can't say that I have. -Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. He walked past me one time,
and the breeze... (inhales) Mmm.
O-Okay, let's-let's get back-- let's get back to the race, Roy.
Um, it seems Stacey Abrams could make history
-in the state of Georgia. -Maybe.
First she has to beat Brian Kemp.
He's the current Georgia Secretary of State.
And even Republicans look at him and go,
"Goddamn, that's a Republican."
I'm Brian Kemp. I'm so conservative...
I blow up government spending.
I own guns...
that no one's taking away.
I got a big truck...
just in case I need to round up criminal illegals
-and take 'em home myself. -(audience groaning)
I strongly support President Trump,
our troops, and ironclad borders.
And I stand for our national anthem.
I say "Merry Christmas" and "God bless you."
(groaning, booing)
Okay, okay.
I've heard Republicans brag about the anthem
and "Merry Christmas" before.
But saying "God bless you"?
That's the first time I've ever heard a Republican like,
"Hey, yo. Yo, yo, yo.
"None of that 'gesundheit' bullshit.
We's Christians round here."
Also, also, Roy, forgive me, but-but I'm confused.
Why is Kemp talking about securing the border?
Like, is Georgia even next to Mexico?
Oh, no, Trevor.
Georgia borders a much scarier place,
Florida.
And I'm not just shitting on Florida.
As someone who's from Alabama, let me tell you,
all the states in the South, we hate each other.
We all hate each other.
Georgia thinks Florida is gross.
Alabama thinks Kentucky is stupid.
And Kentucky thinks East Virginia is a state,
because Kentucky is stupid.
So, so, Roy,
do you have any idea then
who ends up becoming, uh, Georgia's governor?
Mm, Trevor, it's too close to call.
Right now, the polls have the two candidates pretty much even.
This race is a lot like an old white person's feet.
The more I look at it,
the more I don't know what to think.
Roy Wood Jr., everyone!