You need to stop taking things so personally.
That is a whole lot easier said than done,
especially when you want to lead the project,
but you weren't chosen to do so,
you're dealing with criticism of work
that is not constructive,
you're navigating office politics with
a difficult coworker, or even
if you're facing a layoff, or you've been
passed over for a promotion or a position
that you really wanted.
Like, how can you take any of those things any
other way than personally? Well, after you watch
this video, you will know how...
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I hear it brings good luck.
The first step to not taking things personally at
work is to realize that you are not your job, our
identities have become so intertwined with work.
And if you're like most of my clients, you spend
quite a bit of time working, you extract a lot of
joy and personal satisfaction from the work that
you do. And when we're not socially distancing,
and you're at a party or a happy hour. What's one
of the first questions that people ask you, what
do you do? I mean, sure, your job is part of who
you are. I mean, it's what you do for several
hours most days of the week, right. But it's not
the only thing about you. It's doesn't encompass
who you are as a human being. The problem is, is
that we've taken those 40 to 50 hours a week that
most people are spending at work. And instead of
business being business, we've made it personal,
there are real risks to intertwining your entire
identity to who you are at work, or even where you
work. Recently, there was a New York Times article
and I actually shared this over on my LinkedIn and
the author had been through so much adversity, but
she had really associated her identity with the
company that she worked for. And when things went
sideways, and she no longer works there, her
identity went with a job. And sure that was an
extreme case. And hopefully none of you are
actually having to deal with that right now that
as someone who has been through job loss, I can
tell you my identity was way over entwined with my
professional life, even look at a situation where
maybe you're in a toxic workplace, or you're
working with a difficult boss, and you're being
undermined and undervalued. If you're leaning on
your profession, and your job to define who you
are, and extract your self worth, this isn't going
to feel very good. And really you were so many
things beyond what you do and who you are. When
you show up at work. You were a friend, you're a
family member, you have hobbies. And while a job
is a part of who you are, it isn't the entire
being of who you are, we need to stop defining
ourselves by our work and identifying ourselves by
our jobs. That tiny bit of compartmentalization
goes a long way, especially when it comes to not
taking things so personally at work. Because when
you know that you are not your work, it becomes
much harder to take those things personally. And
if you agree that you were so much more than your
job, I want you to pop in the comment, I am not my
job in the comments down below. And that brings me
to the second thing that we really need to dig
into when we're thinking about not taking things
personally at work. And that is the fact that you
are not your actions, or defined by what happens
to you, you have probably done amazing things at
work. And you were probably delighted to brag
about it to anyone who will listen and you should
be proud. However, I want to ask you a question
that I think most career strategist wouldn't ask,
do those accomplishments move the needle on who
you are? As a human being? Sometimes the answer is
yes. Because our personal and professional
development so often overlap each other. After
all, we are one individual, not completely
separate beings, depending on what area of our
life we're in. And even when we're facing
adversity or obstacles at work. Those can actually
be elements of great personal growth for us.
However, the things that happen to you and maybe
even how someone treats you doesn't define who you
are. One of the things that I know happens to a
lot of you from the conversations that we have in
the comments is that you're being overlooked. Your
boss, or the leadership at your company just
doesn't see how awesome you are and how much
potential you have. And is there strategies and
tactics that you can implement in order to
increase your visibility and raise awareness about
your potential, of course, but when you do those
things, ultimately, if someone fails to recognize
them or acknowledge them, does that person's bias
our blind spot actually reflect on you? In my
opinion, it doesn't. I'm just gonna say this
plainly. If someone is too ignorant to see how
awesome you are, and how much you are capable of,
and they choose to not take advantage of all of
the value that you can bring to the
table. It's their loss, especially if they're
doing it because they're so wrapped up in their
own ego. their lack of acknowledgement says
absolutely nothing about what your potential is
and what you're capable of. accomplishing at work
given the opportunities. Another way that this
shows up at work, where we start taking things
personally is when we are getting feedback. If you
want to be successful at work, one of the most
crucial skills that you are going to develop is
the ability to accept and assess feedback. One
thing I have a problem with is people walking
around talking about how all feedback is totally
fair and totally valid. And we need to listen to
it all. That is absolutely not true top performers
are able to curate the feedback that they receive.
And they're also able to assess how they actually
apply it in a way that works for them. And they
are not taking constructive criticism that they
receive personally, how do they de personalize the
feedback about their performance at their job from
who they actually are? Well, there's a couple of
strategies that you can easily employ. First, you
need to acknowledge that not all feedback is going
to be valid. Most feedback that you receive is
going to be a matter of opinion. For most of us in
our jobs, there's a million different ways to get
to the same conclusion, some might be more
efficient, some might be more effective. But there
is not always a clear cut right and wrong answer.
Just because someone thinks that their approach is
a better way doesn't mean it's a better way. And
it especially does not mean that it's a better way
for you also remember that any feedback that you
receive about your performance on your job is
simply that about performance on the job, we are
all learning we are all growing. And the moment
that you cease your professional development is
the moment that your career is absolutely going to
stall, whether you want it to or not. Also, when
it comes to things like feedback, criticism, or
even difficult situations at work, sometimes those
actually have nothing to do with you, you might
have an insecure boss, a jealous co worker, or an
otherwise toxic person at work, who is simply
trying to drag you down. The other thing that I
think we should always keep in mind is that you
never know where someone else's at, they might be
having the worst day of their life. And I know
that this is really cliche, but it's something
that has helped me so much, especially in not
taking things personally at work when someone is
being difficult. And that is imagine that
Something terrible has just happened to them. Even
when you think you know, someone, you might not
actually know what's going on behind the scenes.
For example, when my mother passed away, I didn't
tell any of my clients and even a lot of my co
workers didn't know about it. And while we
shouldn't take our bad days on someone else,
sometimes it just happens. While I'm all for work
life boundaries, we need to stop pretending that
we are completely able to leave our stress at the
door, when we walk into the office or into our
home after work. Our brains don't work that way.
So maybe your insecure boss is giving you a whole
bunch of trouble because they just got in trouble
from their boss or your passive aggressive
coworker had a major fight with their spouse in
the morning. And they're just bringing that vibe
to work. People like to project things. And
sometimes it's even us projecting those things on
to other people because of something that's going
on in our life. And we're bringing that energy
into the office or into the zoom, whichever. So if
you're dealing with a difficult co worker or a
difficult boss does keep in mind that they're
difficult, this subtle word might have absolutely
nothing to do with you. And finally, it's also
important to remember that not all feedback is
going to be equal. For example, the opinion of
your difficult co worker is not going to be on par
with your manager who has the opportunity to
promote you and is in charge of your performance
reviews. impression management matters much more
for some people in the chain of command depending
on what your career goals are. And that is
something to be aware of as well. Now, I've gotten
a lot of feedback over the course of my career.
And not all of it was great. But one of the things
that helped me make sure that I wasn't taking it
personally was this next step. And if you only
implement one of the strategies from this video,
it absolutely must be this one. And that is
increasing your self awareness as a strategy to
take things less personally at work. Let me tell
you, nothing makes you more impervious to other
people's opinions and possibly slights than
knowing exactly who you are, and what makes you so
awesome. But this is also where I see so many
ambitious professionals go all wrong, put the cart
before the horse, a lot of people have a tendency
to look outside for validation or even just to
figure out what actually makes them stand out. And
there's a reason for this in my opinion. Most
people derive their competence externally. So
they're looking to the external world to validate
them. And that is what makes them feel good and
makes them feel confident on when we're at work.
Let's face it, other people's opinion matters, but
what other people think about you and perceive by
you is actually shaped by something else your own
internal awareness.
Self Awareness cannot be established by looking
outside of yourself all the time. Sure, it can be
a component, but it should not be the primary
source. This My friend is an inside job and
looking inside of yourself to To figure out what
your strengths are, and even what your weaknesses
are, is what is going to help you build an
incredible amount of self awareness. And let me
tell you, if you do this, you are going to stand
out for that fact alone. Because this is something
that most people do not do. I also know that this
isn't easy. And that's exactly why I created my UI
cue starter kit. And this is to help you identify
your inherent strengths that you bring to the
table so that you can amplify them at work. If you
want to snag that it is totally free. I'll leave
the link in the description bar down below your UI
cue. Your unique awesomeness quotient really helps
you focus on the strengths and the highest
possible impact and potential in your career.
However, it's equally important to know your
limits, especially because a lot of the limits or
weaknesses, as you call them, and ensure you
question are actually the gateway to your greatest
strengths. And I can tell you from firsthand
experience, when you were aware of your limits,
and you've accepted them, as much as you have
accepted your strengths, because you know how they
interact with each other, it makes constructive
feedback that you get much less personal because
it's not new information. It's something you
already know about yourself. And while most people
skip this step of discovering their limits, and
really finding a way to embrace them, it's also
why they take things that work so personally,
especially when it comes to obstacles drama or
feedback, they internalize that negative input
because you know, deep down at a subconscious
level, that it's hitting on something that you
haven't accepted about yourself, like you know,
you have that issue, but you're pretending not to
know about it. And here's the real gotcha with our
limits. Most typically, they are the exact reasons
why our strengths are our strengths. And we need
to embrace our limits just as much as we embrace
our greatest areas of potential. I'll give you a
personal example just to illustrate this and make
it hopefully make a little bit more sense. You
might have noticed this about me my attention to
detail sucks. It's why I make so many typos, this
is not a good thing. And I have people messaging
me on the regular to tell me that it's making me
look unprofessional. However, if I was a detail
person, there is zero way that I would be able to
consider multiple ideologies and social theories,
as well as multiple individual personality is to
mentor my clients on their career strategy and
help them navigate workplace issues that requires
a big picture thinker who is able to slice and
dice information together, you can't do that from
three feet, you need to be 350,000 feet in the air
to do that. So when I make a typo, I don't beat
myself up about it. I mean, I tried to make as few
as possible and I installed Grammarly onto my
computer that helps. So really, my typing is that
bad that doesn't really do the job totally. But if
I focus so much on becoming a detail person, I
would miss the ability to do the thing that I'm
truly great at. So the title is there a part of my
brand and if that bothers you, I'm not the person
for you. When you're self aware, and you know your
strengths and limits, you begin to accept yourself
for exactly who you are. We're not perfect beings,
we're not striving to be and when we settle into
all of our potential and the areas that we have
less potential, our competence will naturally
grow. And that my friends is the real key on how
to not take things personally at work and to be
confident enough in yourself and in your career
success journey. If you are someone who has been
struggling with confidence at work, there is not
an overnight solution. Your ua Q is not going to
be a silver bullet. However it is going to start
you on that journey. That said I know sometimes
and in some situations, we really need to have
instant confidence because especially when it
comes to accepting feedback, or maybe even
navigating conflict at work, confidence counts the
confidence you have in yourself is contagious.
After all. If you know that you can use a couple
of boosters from time to time I want you to go and
check out this video right now where I share my
top instinct confidence boosters but before you go
if this video helped you take things less
personally work, give it a thumbs up it really
helps my channel and it makes you my favorite
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consider subscribing for the best career success
advice on the internet. And I will see you in the
next video. As always, thank you so much for
watching my friend. I will see you in the next
video. Bye for now.