Welcome back to a new episode of Ethan and Hila.
Today, I'm Ethan...
Only today? [Ethan] Today, specifically, I'm feeling very Ethan today.
And you are looking very Hila, may I say.
And that is a compliment. [Hila] Okay...
Today we've got something that I've been wanting to talk about for a long time...
This is something that... I've been watching this guy because he's just... he's such a unique fellow.
And I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Have you guys ever heard of Bold Guy A.K.A. Matt Hoss?
[Hila] If anyone is still here from our old days, they probably know him - we used to watch it on stream.
[Ethan] Did we watch this on stream? [Hila] Yeah™.
Ok, so Bold Guy is, like, something really close to my heart.
And he just he comes from like an older day of YouTube where... it was just like CringeTube.
It was known as-- I think it was formerly known as "CringeTube," and like this guy's the king of CringeTube...
[Hila] Yeah. [Ethan] The guy is a trip.
So look, let's just-- Let's just jump right in.
[TEXT] The Bold Guy In... Parkour Girl
I like the fucking text is like a...
Does like a wave dance. Like, he prolongs the shit out of that.
[Ethan does the ancient FUPA pride dance. Very beautiful if I do say so myself]
You see that? It, like, evens out, and then it's done
[Hila] Oh, yeah™. [Ethan] It's like this.
[Awkwardness intensifies]
Can I get a little bit from you Hila?
I don't know how to do that...
Oh, come on dude, get your shit together Hila! [Hila abuse; call the FUPA hotline]
Immediate C R I N G E
Oh my God.
Who would do that?
This is like PrankInvasion... [Hila] Yeah™.
1.0.
That's just you know, just doing--
spreading my asshole on the street, like you do. [Hila] Just on the street!
This is like some real nature shit.
This is like presenting yourself-- [Hila] Yeah™.
in the most classical sense.
[Matt] You have excellent form!
See if you can go deeper. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
*Crunch*
[Lady] What are you, some sort of creep?
I don't know lady, you're just spreading open your asshole on a sidewalk.
I'm not sure you're in a position to be calling people creeps. [Hila] Yeah.
What I love about his videos is that he setup that situation.
Yeah, the blame really is on Matt. [Hila] This is his script.
[Ethan] You're right. [Hila] So if you're look at it from his point of view--
[Ethan] Yeah, this-- [Hila] This is just a girl doing this stuff on the street.
No you're right, my-- I'm placing the blame entirely in the wrong place.
It goes back to the famous saying: "We see the world not as it is, but as we are."
Okay, now a little more wisdom from Uncle Ethan here-- [Hila laughing] Heh, Grandpa.
--Grandpa Ethan here, but basically this is how Matt Hoss sees the world.
It says more about him than it does about anyone else.
[Hila] Yeah™ exactly. [Ethan] Let's enter the mind of Matt Hoss.
Matt-- by the way look at-- get a load of his face right now.
Just get a load of Matt.
[Hila] I like also the sleeveless--
[Ethan] Yeah, you got a show those guns off, c'mon!
Guy walks around like this, you know he's bold, and he's probably beautiful.
[Hila] It's sleeveless shirt with a hoodie.
The sleeveless with the hoodie is like, one of the classiest pieces of clothing you can own.
Because it's like: "I do want to protect my head...
but at the same time--
you know it might be so cold I want to protect my head, but at the same time:
come on.
My arms need to breathe.
It's such a classy clothing.
It's such a great combo
[Lady] Who are you calling an attention whore?
[Matt] I'm asking because you keep sticking your ass up in the air.
[Lady] I have the right to exercise here if I want. [Parkour lives matter]
[Matt] Of course you do. And I have a right to approach, and talk to you.
You know when you watch your porn you endure this shit because you know it's going somewhere,
but here it's like... there's no-- there's no payoff. [Hila] Yeah™
It's just the crappy...
[Ethan] It's the crappy pornage. [Hila] The crappy story.
It's like, what is the point of this?
And the thing that always baffled me about Bold Guy,
before we get too deep into this--
HO HO! It has ten million views. [Hila] Woooow, wut!?
But, but, look at the like ratio. Like, people are...
[Hila] W-wait when did he get ten million views?
[Ethan] Ahhhh!
Well, this is from 2013: this is Cringetube.
This is from the Cringetube era like I said.
[FUPA SCREECH] Teeeee-(1.5 years later)-een!!! [Hila] That's crazy.
[Ethan] But, like I said, people liked it.
Like, people genuinely were on board with Matt Hoss. [Hila] Yeah™.
And I'm not saying the guy deserves hate, I think he's doing his own thing and I respect that.
But it's just-- I find interesting that so many people saw the world as he does.
[Ethan] Yeah, I guess that's what I mean, Uck
That's shocked me. That shocks me. [Hila] Ten million views?!
[Hila] The subscribers are low
Yeah, you think that he would uh- Well that's from CringeTube
I don't have to say it people were just- I mean, I don't know how many people got their dicks out and just probably moved on
they were flowing with the cringe
This was before prank invasion, so this was like the first generation of Jerk Tube
Jerky little ding dong on Youtube
[Lady] I don't have to act like a lady simply because you expect me to!
[Matt] Then don't expect me to act like a gentleman
[Lady] How would you like me to shove this up your ass?
[Matt] I'm not into fist fucking, (awkward silence as Hoss realizes he is bad at acting) but thank you for the offer
I love how he always, he writes their lines always to set him up
[Hila] Yeah™ [Ethan] With like a bazinger!
[Hila] Yeah™ [Ethan] it's pretty funny
He also just the female character is always so annoying and he writes them like that
Super Defensive, Super Slutty [Hila] Yeah™
Super Bitchy, but then ultimately they give in to his sexual prowess
Yeah, Because how could you not?
How could you not? he's Mazz Hoth- He's Matt Hoss. get a load of that face.
[Lady] You want me don't ya?
[Matt] I haven't decided yet.
[Lady] Yeah, you do
[Lady] You're still here talking to me
[Ethan] whoa, whoa, woah! (ethan goes crash bandicoot) [Hila] what?
What kinda touch is that?
It's the one that says
Porn is imminent, but it's not
[Lady] Strong shoulders
He wrote that in by the way
what are the situations?
Just remember. They whenever a complimen- anything like that
He wrote that in, he wrote: "she says strong shoulders about me" [Hila] heh, Yeah™.
[Lady] Firm Chest
(Pre-Court case spanking)
[Lady] Tight butt
[Lady] That means you have a powerful thrust, am I right?
[Matt I feel so...objectified.
[Lady] You can have me.
Ethan] Holy Fuck! [Hila] Of course
and it's just that easy, baby! get out there and get some girls yourselves, guys!
[Hila] Sleeveless shirt, with a hoodie. [Ethan] That's the key!
Bracelets are out sleeveless hoodies [Hila] Yeah™.
(Both Say) In [Ethan's turn] In In In In In
[Matt] Really?
[Lady] if you catch me.
[Matt] I don't chase girls (But will chase Ethan to the grave)
[Lady] Catch me, and I'll let you do whatever you want to me
Oh, Is that a fucking promise, because I could think of foul shit.
I always found that phrase funny, too
It's like how many- what are you gonna do to her? You're gonna have sex with her... [Hila] yeah
[Ethan] then what? [Hila] Do whatever you want
Like what weird shit do you have up your sleeve? [Hila] Whatever you can think of...
Yeah, put a carrot up her ass. I mean where does this go you're gonna shit in her mouth put a carrot up her- (While Hila Giggle)
You know what? I mean, it's like...
How far we taking this?
[Matt] that's... quite a generous offer.
[Lady] Catch me...you pussy!
*SLAP*
Oh Yeah, he thinks he's like a parkour guy. He thinks he's like a parkour expert. I forgot that whole level- [Hila] Oh, yeah™! I forgot about that.
of greatness good-
Dude, Matt Hoss- I want Matt Hoss to have a show
This shit is so fucking entertaining like legit. He kind of fell off recently, but I wanted him on TV
I really do this shit is so entertaining. [Hila] It's funny.
Porn
Titties & Ass... and the X-Factor Parkour
I completely forgot about him, he is so funny.
[Hila] He's so great [Ethan] He's such a great character
[Hila] He could have just taken the stairs...) [Ethan] I was gonna say is he required to do that? because he could have just gone around
There were stairs right there
Look, Can you imagine the casting call for this: "looking for Cute, Petite, Parkour Girl to star in my Parkour Sex Video."
[Ethan] Get her Matt! She wants your dick, dude. You can do whatever you want to her! Just imagine putting that carrot up her ass, dude!
Visualize the carrot in her ass, man, you gonna put some mayonnaise in her fucking mouth
Mayonnaise in the mouth fetish
God, he scaled that wall with so much grace
It's got me thinking about Matt and his solid shoulders you know I'm saying, so much grace.
What happens when she when he catches her does he have to like tackle her? [Hila] He does whatever he wants
Hah- no but like se- he like take her out and then rape her? Is that what she's saying? [Hila] Yeah™
Take me out [Hila] Whatever he wants
Hope he's got mayonnaise and carrots with him, because that's what I want. That's what I've always wanted
Carrots in the ass, mayonnaise in the mouth
What's with the mayonnaise?
I know she said whatever I want. Wo-Why are you more confused about the mayonnaise in the mouth and not the carrot in the ass?
I don't know why you chose that one.
Cuz, I dunno...
Well the carrot goes in the ass well, maybe I mean- I just like mayonnaise.
[Hila] you can just eat mayonnaise. [Ethan] That's basically what I'm suggesting
There's a fuck- The sidewalk is right next to you!? Why'd you jumping up walls and stuff you dang goobis
So this is the action sequence. I guess this is the meat of the video. [Hila] Yeah™, that's pretty long.
It's action-packed, It's got it all: sex...
Action, Mayonnaise...
[Hila] Dramaaaa! [Ethan] Carrots.
That was sick. That was some straight-up parkour, dude
[Hila] It's supposed to look effortless. [Ethan] That didn't look effortless? That was fucking parkour, dude!
*Teleportation Sound FX*
whoa
I'm gonna like this video. That was badass. [Hila] Yeah™.
He's gonna fuck this shit out of her now with mayonnaise
WATCH OUT, IT'S AN ENEMY STAND!
You know what I got a problem with this now because I was on board this was a real video
[Hila] Yeah™ [Ethan] And now they kind of broke that-
That realism and my dick deflated it cuz I was rock hard cuz I was thinking "I know I can do this"
But now I know it's fake [Hila] yeah™
[Ethan] Disappointing, disappointing. [Hila] that's a shame
[Lady] How did you do that?
*THE BOLD KISS*
[Matt] That's for slapping me
*ANOTHER KSS*
[Matt] And that's for calling me a pussy.
then he pulls out of jar of mayonnaise "and THAT is for saying I can do anything I want to you."
I didn't know you like mayonnaise so much... [Ethan] It's pretty good
I really like Mayonnaise. I love mayonnaise.
It's Valentine's day Hila, what you got for me?
[Lady] Is that all you're gonna do to me?
[Matt] What else do you want?
[Lady] You're a healthy guy, I'm sure you can think of something.
[Matt] Okay. I thought of something.
[Lady] What?
[Matt] Catch me, and I'll tell you.
[Lady] Can you believe this guy?
[Lady] Hold on
So I mean that was like a that was actually a romp, but that was a romp and a riot [Hila] What's a romp?
It's a riot, a romp is a goof, plus a spoof, plus a gaf, plus a riot equals a romp. [Hila] well, i've never heard that word
I'm just introducing it now, It's a new park- It's a new...it's like saffron in the spoof soup, it spices the whole dish up
That was a total romp. That was a lot of fun.
Sooo, that is the Matt Hoss zone, look it's a sexy place
It's a wild place. It's a mayonnaise-y place, and it's a romp most of all, it's a mayonnaise romp
maybe I should title [the video] a mayonnaise romp
But... *Clap*
There's plenty more so I recommend either going to Matt Hoss, checking him out
He's - look - say what you will, but: the guy puts a lot of effort into his videos, he clearly plans them,
He's very professional. I mean the guy cares about what he does.
So, you know, we goof on him, but he deserves some respect for doing that [Hila] yeah™
*JUMPCUT*
And Um...We'll be seeing you in the next video.
Thank you... So much.
one of these, one of these, Abba - ding, Papa Bless.
Put your head down, Hila.