I want to give some advice to those of you who are lovers of God,
lovers of Jesus Christ, who have found yourselves in a toxic
relationship with someone near and dear to you, someone you suspect is a narcissist.
This could be your spouse or a family member or a close friend.
And it's very difficult because nobody else sees it.
This person in your life can show one face
to the public. They're dearly beloved by many people..
Maybe they do good works for others,
But behind closed doors they are cruel and vicious.
They are a different animal and no one else sees it.
In this video, I'm going to share with you some advice
that I'm hoping will help you in making
the decision on whether to stay or leave a narcissistic or toxic relationship.
Now, before we start, for those of you who are new to my channel, I'm Shaneen Megji.
I'm a transition coach.
Welcome to my YouTube series on Toxicity is not your destiny.
My mission is to help people navigate toxic relationships and environments
in their lives from a biblical, practical and spiritual perspective.
So if you like this video,
please take a moment, click the subscribe button and click
the bell, because every single week I'm going to be bringing you a new video
to empower you in navigating toxic relationships and environments.
So now let's get into the subject.
You might be holding on to some promises from God, some supernatural revelations
God may have spoken to you, that there is a bright future ahead
of you, maybe with this person. And we do serve a supernatural God.
So you might be thinking,
if all of this is true, how come it's been years and years and nothing has changed?
Maybe you've been hoping and praying
for a long time and it's just the same old up and down cycle of being idealized
and then devalued and idealized, devalued, being manipulated, gaslighted, controlled.
And you're feeling like you can't sustain these relational dynamics much longer.
I want you to know that I'm speaking to you today, and I want to say two things.
Number 1, we do serve a supernatural
God, a God who says "With me all things are possible."
That's one side of it.
And the other side,
the second thing is this. Past behavior is a predictor of future behavior.
That is a quote that Jim Rohn said.
If you want to know what the next five or
ten years of your life is going to look like, just look at the last five or ten
years and that will give you a picture, kind of a sobering thought.
And so how do you reconcile that with a God who is supernatural,
where nothing is impossible with him? What do you do?
Do you stay in the relationship or do you go? So I just want to offer some advice
that was super helpful for me when I was wrestling with these questions.
You may have tried a lot of different
things, maybe counseling or whatever, but I think if you're starting to get more
awareness on narcissism, I believe that is a sign in itself
that God is shifting things and taking you through an awakening process.
If you're watching videos and reading books and feeling like the person you're
with is smelling a lot like a narcissist, that maybe God awakening you to a reality.
So definitely, on the one hand,
your path is going to be a predictor of your future.
That means nothing's going to change unless something changes, that's for sure.
You're just going to get the same results or the same outcome over and over again.
But now that you've become aware
of a reality, you're probably wondering what to do now.
You're all stirred up and you're aware
that things cannot continue the same as they always have been.
So what does change look like? What should
you be doing in light of being a follower of Jesus Christ?
A lot of people say that if someone's
a narcissist, there's very little hope for them to change.
It's almost impossible.
And although I'm aware of the sobering
statistics that narcissists don't tend to change, I want to say this.
I do believe in the power of God.
I do believe we serve a supernatural God and he's capable of miracles.
If a narcissist comes to the realization
that they need God to change their heart, I do believe God will come and do it.
And often the issue is not about the healing, but it's really about getting
a narcissist to come to that realization that they need God to change their heart.
I did do a video on this called "Can God Heal a Narcissist?"
So you may want to watch that with this video.
That said, I want to share an example of King David in the Bible.
You may know this story. Before he was king,
he lived in King Saul's house for a while, playing the harp for him,
and while he was doing this, sometimes Sol would just be throwing
spears at him and David would have to duck in order to miss being hit.
And I think that's a really apt image of what it's like to live with a narcissist.
Their spears are like their harsh,
cruel words that they hurl at you, which you're having to dodge all the time.
That's how you live in a house with a narcissist.
It's just like a war zone.
It's not a sanctuary.
It's not a peaceful place to come home to.
You're always having to be on high alert fight or flight mode because you never
know when you will have to duck from a spear being hurled at you.
So David had to live in that stressful space of ducking spears for a season.
But there came a moment of awakening when he realized that Saul's actions against
him are not some temper tantrum or an anger issue.
Saul was really out to kill him.
So David came to a fuller understanding of what was really happening.
And things, of course, were escalating.
So he got more insight and knowledge
into what was going on into the psyche of Saul.
And maybe up until this point, David had been justifying all these bad
behaviors of Saul because after all, Saul was still his father-in-law.
David was best friends with Saul son, Jonathan.
So David was really part of the family.
It would have been easy for him to make
excuses for why Saul was behaving the way he was.
But when he got insight into what was
really going on, that's when he fled because he knew it
wasn't safe for him to be there any longer.
It was destructive and his life was in danger.
So I just wanted to mention it, not because I'm telling you you should run
because I don't know your situation, but God knows it.
But I wanted you to understand that sometimes it's not wrong to leave.
God might call you to leave or take some space, and that is OK.
Sometimes that needs to happen.
And as you fast and pray,
it may not be that an angel will show up and tell you, "take my hand and let me lead
you out," like he did with Lot and his wife on their way out of Sodom and Gomorrah.
It might just be you being really awakened to the reality that this person you're
with is getting worse and crazier and it's just not safe.
And you might just have more knowledge
and understanding to inform a better decision.
God might just give you guidance and direction through common sense.
Now, all that said, what's really,
really important is for you to be clear on what God is saying to you right now.
That's where wisdom from God is needed, because God knows the potential of every
human heart, including the heart of the narcissist.
God is the only one in the whole world and the whole universe who has
the foreknowledge of all the narcissist's choices and what it would take for him or
her to change and whether he or she ever will change.
The thing is that Christianity is
a religion that is all about transformation.
The scriptures talk about believers
changing their natures entirely, going from an old creation to a new creation.
So when you think about it,
it's not really about becoming a new and improved version of yourself.
It's really about transforming into a completely new being.
And that's what it ought to be.
But it doesn't always happen.
Jesus Christ gives us the power to undergo
transformation, but not everybody chooses to go through it.
In fact, it seems very few people go
through it, since Jesus says that only a few people enter through the narrow gate.
So only God knows the people who will choose to undergo a transformation.
And when that whatever happen if it does ever happen.
But that's not a reason for you to hold your breath and stay longer in a toxic
relationship than you should, because the hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Sometimes it's just not wise.
You may need to leave and move on or take a break.
On the other hand, you may need to stay even if things are
toxic at the moment, because God knows, they're not always going to stay that way
and something beautiful or good is going to come out of it.
But at the end of the day, you really need to hear from God.
God is the knower of every human heart.
And there's no psychologist, no counselor, no coach, no book, no video that can tell
you that. There is no resource out there in the world that will give you that level
of insight that you can get from God himself.
So that's the reason you will want to get
close to God right now to find out what needs to happen next.
And the way to do that is to devote more time to prayer.
What I'm saying may seem simplistic, but it is so, so true.
And the reason is because God speaks.
He does speak today.
The Bible says that "God is the same yesterday, today and forever."
If He spoke in the past, He still speaks today.
I can attest to that from my own life and experience.
He knows the answer better than any resource on this planet.
He speaks today and he can give you
supernatural guidance on what next steps to take.
So if you're able to add fasting to your
prayers, this will sensitize your spiritual hearing even more.
Now, if you can't fast, that's OK.
The next best thing would be to abstain from something in order to free up more
time for prayer or to free up your heart to focus more on God.
The whole idea is to position yourself to hear from God and adding fasting to it
definitely sensitizes and accelerates things.
So I would encourage you to start to pray
more and fast if you can, and start looking for God to speak.
I know that God speaks in different ways.
He can speak to you through conventional ways, like through your Bible or through
your heart or a message at church or your thoughts or your senses or through people.
And he can also speak to you through your dreams.
He can speak to you in unconventional ways, like through a song that comes up or
a passage in a book or a show or a movie or watching or someone you might meet.
He might speak to you through a commercial or a billboard or sign.
He is so creative and the ways that he speaks. God might lead you to other
resources that are confirming over and over again a similar message.
And he will speak to your heart.
And often he will do this in multiple
ways, not just one way. If God is trying to get a message out to you,
one of the things you'll notice is
a repetition of the same theme or the message popping up in a variety of ways.
So if you notice these things happening,
then that could be God speaking to you, especially if you're being very
intentional about hearing from Him through prayer and fasting.
Now, there are three possible answers God
might say to you when you ask him whether you should stay or leave,
and those are yes, no or wait. No matter what the answer is,
the beautiful thing you can count on when God has spoken to you is that along
with his message or his answer will come His peace, His love, His grace,
a divine enablement that comes with whatever He's showing you to do.
So no matter what the answer is, I know it will probably not be easy.
There will always be a sacrifice.
But just know that with that answer
from God will always come a special grace for you to be able to go through it.
Now there's a story in the Bible about God calling Jeremiah, the prophet, to speak
to an obstinate, arrogant group of people that would reject his message.
I mean, this was a very resistant and hard-hearted group of people.
But in order to give Jeremiah the grace
to do it, God had to give him a forehead like flint.
So just know that God will give you
whatever you need for whatever he's asking you to do right now.
Just know that even if the narcissist in your life has a heart of stone
Proverbs 21:1 says that "the heart of the king is like
a stream of waters in the hands of God, and he turns it wherever he chooses."
What that means is that God can influence
the heart of the narcissist in your favor. So God can give you a forehead like flint
and He can meet your needs in many different ways,
even if the person in your life is not meeting your needs at all.
They may be tearing you to pieces actually and causing damage.
But I want you to know that God can make you like teflon.
He can make it so that nothing sticks to you and He can do that supernaturally.
I just want you to know that. That's
the difference between following Jesus Christ and not having Him in your life.
There's a whole supernatural dimension to following God.
And that's why I created this channel,
because I felt like that was the missing element.
I know there's a lot of channels out there on narcissism that are super helpful.
And, you know, there's all of these beliefs.
But there's also a God belief, which I call the X Factor,
which I don't see incorporated much when it comes to this kind of thing.
But I just want to say, if God is telling you to stay or wait or
go, he will give you grace for whatever that is.
He will provide you everything you need
to make you victorious and at peace in the situation that you're in.
God will be your peace.
He will be your joy.
He will be your love.
And as I mentioned, he will make your forehead like flint.
You will make you like teflon.
You will give you a forgiving heart,
a heart that is not getting bitter, angry or holding on to offenses.
And if your called to leave,
God will give you courage and he will provide for you everything you need.
He will be the friend you need, the father you need, the husband you need.
God will provide for you.
If you are dependent on the narcissist for finances, God will provide you finances.
He will provide you a job or enable you
to start a business or cause money to come in unexpectedly.
He will give you all the resources you need to rebuild your
life or if you lose all your friends because they're siding with the narcissist
and they think you're crazy or you're the one at fault, God will provide you new
friends and the old friends that are meant to stick by you,
will see you through it or they will come around in time.
And during that period of transition, God will be everything to you.
So I just want you to know that God is redemptive.
I want to encourage you that it's always
good to get a word from God and not just follow what
all the books are saying, what all
the gurus are saying, or all the health professionals are saying.
And the way to get the clarity is usually
prayer and adding fasting to prayer if you can.
And when you start fasting and praying, look and listen with expectation.
Expect to get an answer.
Pay attention to everything going
on around you, what you're seeing and hearing and your
dreams, because when you fast and pray, you are setting things in motion
in the spirit and you're even activating angelic activity.
So there's a lot happening
in the spiritual realm concerning what you're praying about.
So when you start praying, believe that God is answering your prayers.
So I hope these insights were helpful.
If you know someone who is
in a narcissistic relationship and struggling to know what to do next.
Share this video with them so that they
can get the insights on how to walk with God through the process.
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Thank you so much.
And this brings me to the end of my video.
Thank you so much for watching.
I appreciate you. Until the next time!