- Debt consolidation.
- No.
- Gambling.
No, please.
- Debt consolidation.
- Nah.
- Gambling.
- Baaaa!
- [Both] Debt consolidation.
- [Both] Gambling.
- Enough, enough with the pop ups!
(video game music)
- I'll see you baby.
(both kiss)
- Bye.
- Bye bye.
(audience laughs)
(car honks)
- Sorry, I need this.
- What are you doing?
- Not if I can help it.
(gun shots)
- Oh.
Oh.
Oooh.
(machine gun shooting)
(audience claps)
The name's Chappelle.
Bye baby, I'll see you later.
I love you!
(car door shuts)
(car drives away)
(audience claps)
(video game music)
(elevator music)
Excuse me, Miss, where am I?
- Oh, the internet.
- Do you know where I can find a news site?
- Oh it's down there.
- Thank you very much, thank you very much.
- Hey buddy.
Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.
Hey buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.
- Hey man do I know you?
- It's me, buddy!
I have something really important
I need to talk to you about.
- What's going on?
- Want to increase the size of your penis?
Up to 4 inches in a month, bro!
And fat too.
(audience laughs)
No, man I'm cool.
- It's all natural, dude.
My friend's a doctor.
- Hey brother, I'm a doctor.
- You're a doctor?
- (beep) right I'm a doctor.
I use it myself.
(audience laughs)
- I'm cool I don't need no penis pills.
- Hey it's not pills, this is a salve,
a cream you massage into your skin.
- Oh, come on sir.
Whoa, I'm sorry for bothering you, but I like that song.
You know where I can get some music around here or?
- Oh yeah, you can get it right there.
- Oh.
Or you can get it right there.
(fire alarm sounding)
(elevator music)
- Hey Ron.
- So, want to see me have sex?
- No, I'm cool.
- Want to see Paris Hilton have sex with her boyfriend?
- Yes I would.
- Come on.
- All right.
(Chappelle laughs)
- [Man] I want you to get on top of me and face that way.
See how pretty you look.
- (laughs) I don't know if that was her man!
It was a little grainy,
that night vision you can't really tell.
I got to see that one more time man.
Let me just see one more time.
- Let's go.
- You know what buddy?
Why don't you just hold this,
I'll go in there and check it out
and then I'll be right back out.
All right?
- [Man] I want you to get on top of me and face that way.
See how pretty you look.
- That was her all right.
(audience laughs)
She played herself.
- You sure you don't want to see me have sex?
- Yeah I'm absolutely sure man
I just want to get the score of the Knicks game.
Thanks, all right.
- I do a great doggy style.
- I know Ron, okay I got my stroke from you.
Thank you OB1, I'm done with the porn!
(audience laughs)
What.
- You want to see naked pictures
of Halle Berry from Swordfish?
- Of course I do!
- Right.
(audience laughs)
- Damn dude, you didn't tell me they had the girl
from Price is Right?
She got naked pictures!
Damn, thanks man!
- Davey.
- Yes sir?
- You into goat play?
- What is goat play?
- Lizzy.
(goats bleating)
- Oh, oh man this is.
All right come on let's hurry up.
(audience laughs)
(goats bleating)
(audience laughs)
(goats bleating)
(audience laughs)
- Debt consolidation.
- No.
- Gambling.
- No please.
- Debt consolidation.
- Nah.
- Gambling.
- Baaah!
- [Both] Debt consolidation.
- [Both] Gambling.
- Enough, enough of the pop ups!
(audience laughs)
- Pics.
(elevator music)
- Wow.
(bag drops)
How you doing?
- Hello, my name is Debra.
- Hey Debra, I'm Dave.
- Nice to meet you.
- You look kind of cute, Dave.
- Thanks Debra.
- Come here, I want to tell you something.
(Velcro tears)
- Seriously, bro, I can make your penis fat
and harder for longer.
(audience laughs)
- What the (beep)?
You tricked me!
Oh this place is sick!
You should all be ashamed of yourself.
You heathens!
- And no side effects.
It's all natural.
- Debt consolidation.
(Dave punches)
- Gambling.
- (punches) Aaaah.
Spam busters bitch!
(video game music)
(intense music)
- Good afternoon young man.
Can I help you?
- Yeah I was trying to buy a gremlin?
(laughs) I'm just playing with you.
Actually I'm answering your ad in the paper.
- Aaaah yes, the camera, the camera.
Ah, here it is.
How much did I say it was?
- Well your ad says $300.
- Ah, for you, I give it to you for $100.
- Why what's wrong with it?
- It has special powers.
It will show you things some would pay not to see.
- Oh, snap, it gets comic view?
- It will reveal the inner hearts of mankind.
If you press this button, it will reveal their true self.
If you flip that switch,
it will record their inner most thoughts.
Flip it one more time
and you can see the last person they had sex with.
And with this last switch,
it will show you where they will be in 10 years.
- Damn man, Sony ain't playing, let me see that.
- No!
You must buy it as is.
And once you purchase it,
you may never return to this store again.
- Hold, all right let me just think about that
for a second please.
(camera beeps)
What kind of policy is this?
I can't come back in?
Fine.
You can't come outside 'cause if it don't work,
I'm going to be out there and whoop your monkey ass.
- Kick my ass huh?
Camera works, $100.
- $100
Can I get a receipt?
(laughs) I'm just playing.
All right man.
- Thank you, good luck!
- Luck?
(audience laughs)
- Hey!
- Hey, what's up dude?
- All right dude, what's up man?
- What's up, how you doing?
- Man I'm just messing with this camera.
You mind if I uh?
- Nah.
All right, cool man.
What up Carson Daly?
- What up Dave.
(people screaming)
(people clapping)
Hey folks we're on the 2013 TRL, Carson Daly.
Will you little (beep) shut up?!
How excited can you really be for a video
you've seen 58 times in a row?
(beep)
- All right?
- Yeah.
- All right man good to see you.
- All right you too, man.
Take care.
- See you later.
- Hey hey, save your money, dude.
(audience laughs)
(light music)
(camera beeps)
- Man, I look like that 7UP guy.
Those white girls gonna come flocking'!
- Damn.
- I've been waiting out here for 45 minutes.
Ugh I knew I should have brought a prettier friend.
God, get surgery, bitch!
So ugly.
(audience laughs)
- Whoa, I think this ecstasy is starting to kick in.
(audience laughs)
Am I freaking out?
No.
Yeah.
Man this bitch next to me needs surgery!
- What's your name big man?
- Oh uh.
- I said, what's your name big man?
- [Dave] Dave Chappelle, I'm here for Ann's birthday party.
Also, I have a show on Comedy Central.
Wednesdays, 10:30.
(audience laughs)
(club music)
- Yo Dave!
What's up man.
- Hey.
Thanks for coming to my girl's birthday party.
And you brought your camera, that's perfect!
I want you to tape something, all right?
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, everybody.
Excuse me, everybody.
I could have your attention.
Ann, I have loved you from the moment that I met you.
Baby, will you marry me?
- Yes!
- Oh pumpkin!
(camera beeps)
(audience laughs)
- Dave, I want you to meet my co-worker, Mike.
- Yo.
What's up, son?
Yo, you a funny dude, man.
You funny look, I'm going to be right back.
I'm going to the dance floor.
(camera beeps)
Don't you want me son?
(audience laughs)
- And one and two and one and two.
Simulate cool, my face natural.
- Hey, you know what Gavin,
I'm going to just, I'm gonna get some rest.
Good night.
Congratulations, Charlie's girlfriend.
Man I don't know if I should mess with this camera thing.
I should have just turned this thing off
and masturbate on the internet like I planned to.
(audience laughs)
No no, (beep) it, I'm gonna go through with this.
I gotta be a man.
I'ma go through with this.
(camera beeps)
(audience laughs)
Hey, hey man!
(camera beeps)
- Would you like some more pickles?
- I gotta stop drinking.
Oooh!
(camera beeps)
- How excited can you really be for a video
you've seen 58 times in a row?
(beep)
What do you want?
- I just want to make a Total Request Live
for my man Justin Timberlake.
Justin it's me, Dave Chappelle, Star Search 1992
I was with you man, I was with you.
(indistinct) three and a quarter stars,
remember that Ed McMahon?
God rest his soul
I'm out.
Doh, oooh!
(beep) this camera.
(camera crashes)
(intense music)
- Oh oh, a camera, ooooeeee.
What these buttons do?
(camera beeps)
I'm on some crack!
(audience laughs)
(video game music)