Moms take care of some of the most important people in this world.
But who's taking care of our moms?
How about a little self-care for moms today at Live On Purpose TV?
What does Dr. Paul know about self-care for moms?
Well, I can talk psychology all day long.
But I brought in expert mom today.
This is Christie Gardiner.
Welcome.
-Hello everybody.
-Christie is an amazing author.
She has written You Are The Mother Your Children Need.
Which we have featured in another episode.
She wrote Holy As You Are.
Both of these are just therapeutic works that I think every mom should read.
-Thanks.
I agree.
And I can only say that because I really feel like I was the messenger on these books.
I don't feel like it's my message.
I feel like it's a message that I just got to tell everybody.
-By virtue of being a mom and being on a trenches and going through things that most mothers
experience at some level.
-Yes.
-Which is why you're here.
Can you help us out with self-care?
-So today, we are talking about a super important concept that sometimes as moms, we can call
selfish.
-So, the first thing I want to dispel for you.
The first myth is that taking care of yourself is selfish.
-Right.
-It is not.
It is not.
And the thing is we know this for our girlfriends and for our own moms and for our sisters.
-Right.
-But for whatever reason, We don't give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves.
Yeah.
And we take time or when we need to find quiet, we call that selfishness.
And it is not.
-I have talked about this before on another episodes.
About...
Well, the example that comes to my mind always is being on an airplane.
And when the oxygen masks come down and your supposed to put your own mask on first, right?
Because if you're out cold in the aisle, you're just in the way.
-Right.
-You're part of the problem now.
-If there's no water in your well, how can you water everybody else?
You can't.
-Right.
-You can't.
So, I want to give your listeners, viewers some tips on how to incorporate self-care
into their lives.
-That would be great.
Let's go there.
-So, the first tip that I have for you is find things that you really like for self-care.
Maybe it's a bubble bath.
Maybe it's reading a great book.
And make a basket for yourself of things that you go to for self-care.
-A basket?- Yeah.
Make a basket.
So, in my basket I have my favorite chocolate.
Now, I'm not going to eat the entire thing.
But I'm going to have a piece of really great chocolate.
I deserve to have a piece of really good chocolate.
And I'm going to put in my favorite bath salts.
And I'm going to take a bath.
And I'm going to do the things that care for my self.
This way, when you have something already ready and you find that moment of overwhelm,
you immediately know where to go.
-So, the idea of the basket is you've got your emergency kit.
-Yes.
Because sometimes, we call things self-care and really it's just numbing.
-Oh!
Good point.
-So, you're in the middle of an intense mothering situation.
It is been a long day.
The oldest...
Told you about the science project that was due to tomorrow.
And the youngest is...
And all the kids in between are just...
-Fighting with each other.
-Yeah.
And you are spent.
And you need a little self-care.
-Yeah.
-What do we do?
We go to our phones and scroll and scroll and scroll.
And we sit in our couch and scroll.
And it is not doing anything for our self-care.
All it's doing is numbing our brain cells for pure survival.
-Can I have another maybe more serious example of that.
-Yes, please.
-As a psychologist, you can shock me.
And I used to actually do parental fitness evaluation for the courts.
Sometimes this numbing gets into alcohol.
Or substance abuse.
And it's not that those things are great ideas and good way to take care of yourself.
You're just trying to numb yourself from all of the pressures or the hassles or the feelings
that can be as overwhelming as a mom.
So, you mentioned scrolling on the phone which I think is a much more common place where
we go.
But there are other forms of self medication that can be extremely destructive.
-Yeah.
I'll tell you one for me.
Binge eating.
-Eating is another great example.
-Yeah.
Where I just open a bag of Doritos.
They're my favorite.
And the next thing you know, the whole bag is gone.
That isn't intentional eating.
That's numbing behavior.
Because I'm trying to cope with what's going on inside.
-May I point out something out?
-Yes.
-You mentioned the basket.
-Yes.
-In that basket is your favorite chocolate.
-Absolutely.
Because I don't think depriving ourselves of things that care for ourselves is...
That's going to the opposite extreme.
-Here's what I notice about that Christie.
If you are intentional and you've planned it and this is part of your emergency kit,
that's different from binge eating.
-Exactly.
-And it would be easy to just feeling overwhelmed.
You just go to the store and by 10 of your favorite candy bars and drown yourself in
chocolate.
-Right.
-That's not what we're talking about.
We're talking about having an intentional approach where you take care of yourself.
-Yeah.
I'll borrow your phrase.
We're living on purpose.
-Oh, I like that.
-Yeah.
So, for your self-care, live on purpose.
Be intentional with what you're doing.
And don't scroll, don't numb.
Don't eat the whole bag of Doritos.
Go, to the basket that as beautiful aesthetically that you've created something to care for
yourself.
-I like that image.
-Yes.
-You got some other ideas?
-I do.
Of course.
-Of course, you do.
-Yes.
Okay.
So, we need to know what feeds our spirits and then we need to do that on a regular basis.
So, if you love nature, make time for you to be at nature.
And I want you to schedule that time as just as valid as you would schedule as any other
thing on your calendar.
-Like an appointment with the pediatrician, for example.
-Exactly.
You would never miss that because that would take 4 more months to get back in to the doctor.
Well, what if it would take 4 more months for your mental state to get back to a good
place if you don't take time for self care.
-I know one of barriers to this, Christie.
Because I know a lot of parents.
And I've worked in the industry for so long.
We sometimes feel that it's in position on other people to have them help take care of
our kids while we're taking care of ourselves.
-Yes.
-Or you have to hire someone like a baby sitter to watch those kiddos while you go off.
So, this is money well spent.
And you have to be able to trust some people to do that.
-Yes.
-Obviously you're not just going to pull someone off the street and say, "Hey, can you watch
my kids?"
-Exactly.
You're going to be judicious about that.
But the hump of actually trusting someone else to handle those important duties with
your kids put you in a better position as a parent to show up in a better way.
As you talk about feeding your soul.
Getting involve with those things that light you up has you showing up better for your
kids.
-Yes.
-Would you share what your daughters told you after you got back in the theater?
-Yes, I will.
For a long time, I didn't do theater.
Because I put myself on corner.
No self-care.
-Something you love.
-Yeah, and it made me, ME.
-Right.
-And so, after over 12 years, I decided to try to put it back into my life.
And I took my kids with me.
And something my daughter said one day as we we're driving home from our rehearsal.
"Mom, we like you at the play.
You're so fun at the play."
And suddenly they saw this new side of me.
But if I had told my self that going back to the theater was selfish which is what I
told myself for over a decade, I was losing myself and I wasn't able to be the mother
that my children needed.
I wasn't able to show up in the right way for my family.
-Right.
-But I feel that I can speak to what you are talking about, about trusting other people
with our children.
And that's why it's so important to create a tribe for yourself.
We live in this community and in this culture where it's hard.
It's hard to make one on one connections.
Especially with cargos so precious as our children.
Or just going to allow someone else to take care of our kids.
But we really, really need to create a tribe so you got to be brave.
And go out there and make those connections with people.
You should never take your children to the dentist and sit them on your tummy while you
get your teeth cleaned.
We should have a tribe.
I've done that.
My mother does not live close.
-You're not making this up.
-I'm not making this up.
I've been there.
But I want women to feel empowered to go into their communities and make connections because
you can not do this alone.
-Right.
I'm thinking of that old saying that takes a village to raise a child.
-it does.
-And it's okay for you to use that village, to use that tribe to assist you.
-Not just for dentist appointments.
But sometimes, I'll ask for help so that I can go to a movie.
-And you know what?
If you're feeling a little off about that, then offer some help too.
And then you'll feel better about it.
-Exactly.
It's got to be a give and take.
-Reciprocal thing.
-Yes.
And then you'll feel so happy knowing that you watching these other children is allowing
your friend to get some self-care.
-Right.
-Yeah.
-Christie, any final thoughts before we wrap up this episode?
-Yeah.
I just want to leave women with the message that you are enough for your life.
That you are the mother your children need.
And that you need to treat yourself like you are worth every moment of self-care you take
because you are.
-That was a good place to end it.
Big thank you to Christie Gardiner.
You can find her books on amazon and I would highly recommend that you share this episode
with someone else that you think could use a little self-care.
We'll be bringing more content everyday to this channel.
So please make sure that you subscribe and I'll see you tomorrow.