-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
You're here, you're watching, I appreciate it.
Guys, it seems like there's so much going on right now.
The supply chain is still causing problems.
Paul Rudd was named "Sexiest Man Alive".
[ Cheers and applause ]
Adele debuted a new song.
[ Cheers ]
And Arby's just announced two French fry flavored vodkas.
[ Laughter ] There's just a lot to go over.
So let's just jump in and cover it all at once.
It's time for a "News Smash." [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
First up, the supply chain.
President Biden just met with several companies
like Walmart, Target, and FedEx to discuss solutions
and it's not looking great.
But, you know who is looking great?
Paul Rudd. [ Cheers and applause ]
He was named "People's" Sexiest Man Alive. Good for him.
He's universally beloved. He makes us all laugh.
But if you prefer someone who's universally beloved
and makes us all cry, there's always Adele.
[ Cheers and applause ] She just debuted a new song
in an Amazon holiday commercial, and it's fantastic.
The song is called "Hold On," and it's all about
not giving up.
But if you want to give up, why not try Arby's new
French fry vodka. [ Laughter and applause ]
They're releasing two bottles, and apparently,
they have the same "flavor profile"
as their curly and crinkle-cut fries.
[ Laughter ]
I don't understand how that would even work.
Speaking of things I don't understand, the supply chain.
[ Laughter ] Shipping, trucking, inflation,
all of it has people really stressed out.
But it's going to be okay.
Just take a deep breath, pour yourself some wine
and listen to Adele. [ Laughter ]
The new album drops next week.
Her first album was "19," loved that.
[ Cheers and applause ] Then "21," loved that.
[ Cheers and applause ] Then "25," and now "30."
[ Cheers and applause ] We're really -- we've really
seen her grow up over the years.
You know who hasn't grown up?
Paul Rudd. I mean, look at the guy.
[ Laughter and applause ]
He -- he only gets better with age.
You know what doesn't get better with age?
Arby's vodka. [ Laughter and applause ]
I -- I just don't get it.
I mean, from the vodka itself to the label,
all the way to the bottleneck. [ Laughter ]
Everything's completely backed up.
So it'll affect prices.
And if you order anything online,
be prepared to "hold on." [ Laughter ]
In conclusion, what a guy. [ Laughter ]
Time to cry,
low supply,
just why? [ Laughter ]
This has been a "News Smash"! [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Thank you.
Hey, here's some COVID news.
Apparently, the U.S. government
helped Moderna develop their vaccine.
And now they're in a patent fight
over who deserves credit for it.
Yeah, even crazier, they're going to settle it on a --
with a rap battle on "VERZUZ." [ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, there's also a battle
over the Johnson & Johnson patent because
nobody wants to take credit for it.
[ Laughter ] No, it was the other Johnson.
[ Laughter ] Some business news.
YouTube just announced that it is hiding dislike counts
on all videos. That's right.
Now instead of clicking thumbs down,
people will just write "dislike" in the comments.
[ Laughter ] "Not for me."
[ Laughter ] Yep, no more dislikes.
Instead, YouTube will provide the user's home address
so you can just tell them in person
how much you hated their video. [ Laughter ]
Yeah, dislikes are annoying.
They're right up there with people who comment "first!"
It's like, "Oh, it's just stop."
Well, the holidays are coming up,
and I read that 'cause of the tight labor market,
there's actually a shortage of mall Santas.
[ Audience "aws" ]
Yeah, malls are desperate to find Santas.
Today, in fact, Macy's put out a bowl of whiskey
outside the store like they were trying to lure a stray cat.
[ Laughter ] -Wow.
-Putting a bowl of whiskey out there.
-For Santas. Yeah, it's hard to recruit
for the job, because you can't just
walk up to people like, "Hey, you're built like Santa Claus.
Do you want to --" [ Laughter ]
That's right. No mall Santas.
Instead, it'll just be an elf saying,
"Whatever you want, it's on Amazon. Merry Christmas."
[ Laughter ]
Hey, get this, The Hallmark Channel
is holding a baking contest and the grand prize is
a walk-on role in a Hallmark original movie or $5,000.
[ Laughter ]
Even the director of the Hallmark movie was like,
"Take the money!" [ Laughter ]
Seriously, for 5 grand, you can shoot your own hallmark movie.
-Yeah.
-Hey, here's good news, the North American Meat Institute
said it will reach Paris Agreement
emission targets by 2030.
When I heard, my first thought was,
"There's a North American Meat Institute?"
[ Laughter ] Sounds less like a real
organization and more like something you'd read
on the shirt of a dude at CrossFit.
[ Laughter ]
It's a long walk but it's worth it.
I like that joke. Yeah. [ Laughter ]
And finally, according to new research,
it's perfect -- the perfect time to go to bed
for your heart's health is between 10:00 and 11:00 P.M.
Probably explains why NBC ran a promo today that said,
"Forget your heart and catch an all-new episode of
'The Tonight Show.'" [ Cheers and applause ]