Are you trying to heal from narcissistic abuse and just feeling like you are banging your
head against the wall?
By the end of this video, you'll have real steps to actually heal and feel better.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of
people exactly like you go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom,
possibility, and purpose.
I do the same thing right here with you in these videos.
So if you haven't already, subscribe, hit that notification bell, in that way you'll
get notified when I upload brand new content.
So, this is part two of my incredible conversation with Dr. Judy Rosenberg, pioneer of the mind
map, the absolute amazing way to actually heal from abuse.
It's a proven methodology.
If you haven't already watched part one, you can definitely go and do that.
This is part two.
So without further ado, let's go ahead and dive in to this part two.
So then this sets the person up for what I call the WTF or the What the Freud.
Okay?
So, here comes a partner, let's say, and that partner is somebody that reminds them of the
injury of not mattering.
At first, they feel that they've conquered the not mattering part because they're being
loved bombed.
Wow, finally, somebody thinks I'm mattering.
So, I think I'll pair myself with this individual.
Pretty soon, those little crumbs of mattering become very, very intermittent.
As we know, intermittent reinforcement is the most powerful reinforcement schedule of
all.
Because if I receive a crumb, wow, that's really special as opposed to lots of regular
reinforcements and what I call is a secure attachment because people who are injured
are used to insecure attachment.
So, by conquering the person that treats them like mom or dad, they're going back into the
repetition principle and they're trying to win the game that they didn't win then, and
they'll never win this round.
Then they go down into chaos because they get re-triggered and then they try to defend
themselves.
This is where the drug, sex, rock and roll comes in.
Whatever else they do, some people cut themselves.
Some people just simply- This is self-flagellation.
Yeah, they opt out of life.
So, people defend by watching porn or being on the cell phone all day.
There's just so many creative ways that people defend themselves.
At the end of that game, they break down.
There's that blowout.
There's the final discard or the final breakdown where they're suicidal or they're homicidal.
This could be an explode also.
It doesn't have to necessarily be an implode.
So, what do we do when we can't hold our feelings?
We're either imploding and destroying ourselves or we're projecting and exploding onto other
people.
A lot of people are just stuck in there, stuck in that level and they never get ... So, I
just want to kind of to give people a picture of what you're describing.
You have this mind map and we're going to go ahead and make sure we show it on the video,
but for the people who are listening on the podcast, I want to just give them a visual.
It's nine boxes is her mind map.
So, just picture nine boxes like a Brady Bunch sort of look, and the top row is your past.
That's where you talk about your wound reaction and encoding, which you just described.
That middle row is your current, where you are now and that's your chaos, your defenses
and your breakdown or breakthrough.
Then you take people through each one of these things so that they have to actually spend
time understanding what their wounds are, how they've reacted to them like their coding
is.
You actually take them through this so they understand how they ended up where they are
today.
Then now we're getting into the third row, which is the last three boxes, which is your
paradigm shift, your healing and unity.
So, why don't we go through those?
So, they've gone to their breakdown and breakthrough and so now, what?
Okay.
I just want to back up for a moment to the breakdown breakthrough.
Breakthrough is actually the release of the psychological toxins.
It's very important that they get in touch with the cause and hold energetically responsible
the injurers.
We do that through a series of truth conversations.
In the truth conversations, they get to actually express all the range of emotions that they
were not able to express to their primary caregivers usually mother, father.
Now, please know audience that I'm not advising people to call mommy or daddy and give them
a low down of what they did to you.
This is something that would reinjure the person, because if you're dealing with narcissistic
parents, they don't have the empathy to heal.
The herder can't be the healer.
So, it's a bad choice to call your parents and try to work this through with them.
So, what we do is we work it out in the therapeutic environment, so that they get to release these
toxins, reprocess everything, identify the lies as opposed to identify with the lies.
Then they can start moving into the paradigm shift.
The paradigm shift is where they are now aware of their cracked lens of perception, which
is all the lies and the patterns that they bought into and now they're seeing clearly.
Their boundaries are more defined.
I refer to the biological model of the permeable and the nonpermeable and the semi-permeable
model.
The permeable is more of the borderline features where people don't have the boundaries and
they can't set limits, and they don't have the self-esteem.
Then the nonpermeable are more the narcissists and the paranoias, they're walled off.
Then the semi-permeable are the people who are able to vet who can come into their inner
circle or their medium circle.
They can vet what's healthy for them, what's not healthy for them.
Then they can choose appropriate growth partners.
They could choose synergistic partners because it then becomes not a one plus one is less
than two or even less than one formula, which is the vampiring effect.
It becomes a new game of life where the one plus one is now a greater than two.
It's a synergistic effect.
So now, people are taught to pair with growth partners, whether they be business partners
or marital partners or friendship partners, relationship ... doesn't matter.
It's the one plus one is greater than two phenomenon and that's the new game of life.
Then they get to encode what is going to support that particular system gone right, because
remember we're turning the system gone wrong around 180 degrees and now the encoding becomes
"Well, what are you putting in your mouth?
Is that evolving you or is that devolving you?
Is that friendship evolving you or is that friendship demeaning, devaluing and destroying
you?
Is that choice in education authentic to you?
Do you really want to become an attorney or a psychologist?
What is authentic to you?"
So, this is where it becomes real, where people are choosing and encoding, and now they are
"the cause" of part two of their life.
Now, they're able to basically construct their own world.
Who do you want in your world?
What kind of food do you want to eat?
What kind of people are enhancing you?
What kind of colors do you want to surround yourself with?
Well, and I would even add to that is like I call it your inner head trash.
That little idiot that lives inside of your brain that says you're not good enough in
some way.
When I was dealing with this whole paradigm shift myself years ago, I had to retrain my
brain.
Who's having that thought?
Is it the idiot or is it the person that I'm creating myself to be?
Is it the new person?
And, distinguishing where that old thought pattern is actually coming from and if it's
true.
Look for evidence in reality.
Is it true?
Most of us I think have the syndrome that ... and it's kind of cliche, but it's true
that if you did a talk in front of a hundred people in the room and 99% of them said you
were amazing and it was the best talk they ever heard.
One person says you sucked.
You're going to go home and think about the one person who said you sucked the whole entire
time.
So, this is the difference between cognitive behavioral therapy and affirmations.
We're actually dismantling panel three.
So, the very thing that triggered the individual, I don't matter, I suck, I'm stupid, I'm incompetent,
I'm never going to be good enough.
All of that stuff gets literally dismantle and it's pinned back to the cause.
It goes back to the cause.
This is not the message.
This is not my mess.
This is a message that was blueprinted, it's inauthentic.
It's based on a lie.
We're releasing the emotional toxicity.
So, if a person with narcissistic personality dynamics comes along and demeans or devalues,
tries to destroy, that panel three is now no longer active.
We have dismantled the bomb so they can press and press and press as much as they want and
no reaction.
That's how you step out of the game of dancing with the narcissist.
You dismantle the whole system.
So, they walk away because it's not interesting to you anymore.
You don't beg and plead that they see you differently or "No, I'm not stupid.
No, I'm not ugly.
Come on, don't you think I'm beautiful?
Please, love me."
So, that that whole game is shot [inaudible 00:11:52].
Because you already know that you have internal value.
You've created that internal feeling.
I mean, we all are inherently valuable, we just don't feel it.
Right.
So, it's really a matter of dismantling something that people are very unconscious of.
They've been set up to do this.
It's kind of like a grooming.
They've been groomed to think this way.
They've been groomed to be taken advantage of.
Once you shine the truth light on all of these aspects, then it loses its power.
It's kind of like Dorothy.
Once the curtain is pulled back from the wizard, okay, or Toto does it, the truth dog, Toto
the truth dog pulls back the curtain and there's this silly old man manipulating the levers,
creating this land of OZ and it's just an illusion.
That's what people get to experience of the process of the mind map system.
It's their parents' creation.
It's been a multigenerational creation and it has nothing to do with their authentic
self.
Once this is exposed, they can start to grow.
So beautiful.
What an incredible tool you have created.
So brilliant.
Where can people find out more about you?
Oh, they can go to psychologicalhealingcenter.com and everyone is welcome to a free PDF copy
of my book, Be The Cause: Healing Human Disconnect.
You can also purchase it on Amazon.
I have a few videos that people can purchase.
One is the non-panel mind map system to healing that I created, and it is a complete A through
Z, goes with the reading, and I go through each and every aspect of the mind map.
So, it makes it really, really simple.
Then I have a grand star on the show I want everybody to know, and that is my grandson.
At age four, he broke down the mind map from a child's point of view.
Amazing.
I did not put the words in his mouth.
Amazing.
I'll just ... if you would head to panel one, two, three.
Panel one is the booboo grandma.
Then panel two is the booboo hurts and panel three is you think you're bad.
That's picking up from four-year-old.
Amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Actually, if you go to psychologicalhealing.com, you can also get a free copy of her mind map
as well.
Yeah, psychologicalhealingcenter.com.
Oh, sorry, psychologicalhealingcenter.com.
You also have a YouTube channel.
Tell us about that.
Very fun, very fun name, very serious topics.
It's called Dr. Judy WTF, What the Freud.
It was inspired by Sigmund Freud because Dr. Freud talks about the repetition compulsion.
If we do not make the unconscious conscious, we're doomed to repeat it.
The mind map is meant to intercept that system gone wrong and turn this repetition compulsion
broken record thing and move it along, move it along process, dismantle, heal.
So, please do subscribe to my channel.
You can download a copy of the mind map.
All of this is in my book.
Then I also have the peaceful healing dialogue, which is a great way of negotiating with people
so that you get your point across and you don't keep saying you, you, you and break
the bond where you have a chance at really ingesting and digesting what the other person
is saying and create a bridge, an empathic bridge and prevent a breakdown.
Beautiful.
Thank you so much.
This has been so wonderful, and I think it's going to help so many people.
I really appreciate you coming by and talking about all of these things with us.
Very, very appreciative of you for having me on your show.
Thank you.
Thanks for watching part two of my conversation with Dr. Judy Rosenberg.
Now that you actually know how to heal yourself from narcissistic abuse, if you're getting
ready to negotiate with the narcissist, come on over and grab my free Crush My Negotiation
prep worksheet.
You can get it at the link below or go to winmynegotiation.com.
Don't walk into that negotiation without it.
If you want additional support, join me in my free private Facebook group.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and I'll drop a link to that below as
well.
If you like this video, give me a like, give me a share, drop me a comment.
Tell me, "Hey, I'm ready."
if you're ready to finally be healed from narcissistic abuse.
Thanks for joining me on this part two of this incredible interview with Dr. Judy Rosenberg.
If you haven't subscribed to my channel, subscribe, hit that notification bell.
I'll see you in the next video.
Remember that today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.