[music playing]
Hi, I'm Wes.
Uh, hope you didn't wait too long.
I would hate for you to get soggy.
Oh. [chuckles]
This? It's just for a silly internet thing.
I am Taco Tina.
I'm a taco, but I have all the same problems
as any other girl.
You take the bed. It's so fancy,
it'll ruin me for all future beds.
[music playing]
Oh, my God, this bed is so comfortable.
Freddie, you gotta come try this.
At least for a few minutes before you mess up your back
- sleeping on that couch, - Alright.
[music playing]
Oh, yeah.
This feels so good.
You know what? I'm doing it. I'm going in.
Come on.
[music playing]
Ah.
That is in... credible.
Oh, so good.
Fun Brooke is here.
Let's get this party start--
Oh, looks like the party already started.
[purring]
- No, no. I mean, we're not... - No.
I-I mean, we were but not like were were
and then we weren't. Oh, let me just turn this off.
♪ With you girl ♪
♪ I wanna have s-s-sex ♪
I just need a little space. Just for a minute.
Oh. Space. I'm fine with space. I love space.
It's really nice because it teaches you
to appreciate what you had before you took all the space.
So how long are we talking here? Like a week?
Maybe a little longer.
Two?
Ah.
You're just dumping me, aren't you?
Yah. Yah.
Now I have a broken heart and a broken phone.
Awesome. It's still working and live streaming everything.
I think people will see that it was a mutual thing.
We're just gonna close our eyes, turn off our feelings
for the sake of professionalism.
[giggling]
I really love your boundaries.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Erase. [chuckles]
Erase.
Zip. They're gone. Alright. [giggling]
Well, I'm so glad that worked.
[laughing]
Trust me, I am in no place to date.
See? Just that self awareness tells me you totally are.
They're out of spicy tuna cones so I'm gonna dip.
That's my stepdaughter.
I share custody with my ex, who divorced me
and took all my nice shirts.
There you are. Now, listen, I drew your bath and Freddie,
Freddie! I put your warm milk in your thermos
next to your bed.
And if you're both good, I'll let you snuggle
with me for ten minutes and watch Toledo House Flip .
Oh, my gosh, come on, Freddie, Toledo House Flip .
So we done here? Great.
Thank you.
Luke, I don't normally do this on the first night...
but... should we go somewhere a little more comfortable?
I hope you still respect me after this.
You know... my last girlfriend would've let her choke.
Are you saying that I'm your girlfriend?
Does this answer your question?
Not really, I mean...
- How 'bout this? - ...am I your girlfriend?
[horn honking]
Damn it, Nona, stop salting my game.
- Freddie Benson? - Yeah.
Postrabbit here. I have your box from Blessed Buy.
Thanks so much.
I just got a Game Station, too.
Cool.
Hey, is this your phone number on the order?
It is. Why?
Oh, I just thought I could maybe use it sometime for--
For what? Identity theft?
Please delete it and I'm giving you no stars.
Dude, what the hell?
That cute Postrabbit was totally into you.
[scoffing] She just wanted a good tip.
Here's a good tip. You're gonna die alone.
She wanted your number
So did that Nigerian prince.
Okay, okay, the wedding is off.
Wait, wait, wait. The wedding is on.
At least I hope it is because there's still one secret
I haven't told you yet.
She's a robot.
My secret is that somehow,
during this whole crazy scheme, I fell in love with you.
Whoo hoo hoo!
My thing was more believable.
Really? You fell in love with me, Neville Papperman?
[thundering]
That was real.
And as for the battery Carly saw,
it was supposed to be a surprise.
[everyone] Aw.
I can't believe it.
Someone loves me.
This has never happened to me before.
Prunella, I-I love you too.
[clapping]
So I have something really exciting to tell you.
Mm mm mm, classic Seattle Tap.
That slightly unctuous texture.
Very... wet. [chuckles]
So I was going to tell you that--
Here is our Bavarian goat whey,
fermented at an altitude of just under 10,000 feet.
Enjoy.
If you get a chunk, that's considered good luck.
Bottoms up.
Guess I got lucky. [chuckles]
So the thing I was gonna tell you.
[gargling]
I'll wait.
[gargling]
Yeah, we're done.
Everything looks so good.
Really? How can you tell? There's no pictures.
Whoa. Can you read minds?
No. I can just read. [chuckles]
Harper said. you guys met at the gym.
Do you work out at Purple Thesis too?
Yeah, I go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.
Sometimes I go Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Friday... and Sunday 'cause, you know... diversity.
Got it.
So have you decided on what you're going to eat?
Ah, hello, there's no pictures.
Wow, you're a really bad listener.
Harper said we'd be perfect for each other.
I wonder what made her think that.
Are you a Flat Earther too?
There are so few of us who are enlightened.
No. But I wish I could fall off the edge right now.
But you still like action movies, right?
'Cause I got Takens one through three.
Ooh, I shouldn't have gotten Takens one through three.
Yeah, I've had enough action/adventure
in my real life, you know, so these days, I'm more into...
- Romance? - Yes.
It's funny you should mention romance movies and the sea,
because I have another surprise for you.
Spencer, this is amazing!
Well, there is one more thing, but I don't know,
maybe it's over-the-top.
Well, we wouldn't want that.
May I sketch you?
Are we about to live out my Titanic fantasy?
Y'all know how that movie ends, right?
Well, right now, I'm working on my passion project,
designing this new shelter
for kids experiencing homelessness.
But usually, I work on more corporate stuff,
like this chain of taco restaurants
where I can now eat free for life.
Okay, what's the guac situation?
If you say endless, you're perfect.
That's very sweet, but I'm not. I'm far from it.
A long time ago, I had a big disappointment.
I took it really hard.
You would not have wanted to know me then,
but it drove me to be the person that I am today.
What happened?
Oh. There was this girl once that kind of broke my heart.
She sounds terrible.
Thought so too, for a while,
but she's actually... pretty great.
Okay, now I'm getting a little jealous.
[chuckles]
So how's your paella?
Mine's delicious. [chuckles]
- Nora? - Hi, guys. What a coincidence.
I love this place. It's so romantic.
Are you here with anybody?
No. Should I join you?
I just wish I got to make out with someone too.
Ding dong.
I might be able to help you with that.
You know, it took me a minute, but I think I finally get
what you two have been trying to tell me.
The honeymoon suite, the massage,
Harper conveniently not being able to come
at the last minute.
Not to mention the obvious sexual tension
between me and Carly.
The which what?
You want Hot Mess Brooke for a hot messy threesome.
Oh, I don't think...
Let's hear the woman out.
Okay, I say we just jump right in.
You know, because rules and boundaries,
they make everything so blah.
Brooke, we- we're not trying to have a threesome with you.
Oh, God.
Why does this keep happening to me?
First at that funeral and then at the DMV.
I'm just gonna grab another drink
from the hallway and go home.