There's no doubt that losses of any kind in life can be difficult for any type,
and it’s no different for the INFJ. In fact, with a deep introspective outlook on life and
what it all means, death and other forms of loss can send the INFJ down a rabbit
hole of questioning a new angle of existence that provides no answers.
Welcome or welcome back, PSYCH-O! Today we’re going to be talking about the complex INFJ
grieving process. But before we start, have you subscribed to our channel?
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Number 1: A new level of introspection
Of course, every INFJ's grieving experience is different, depending on things like the
type of loss, the relationship of the individual and even past experiences.
But, one thing that's for sure is that with every INFJ loss, comes a host of introspective questions
and wonders that ultimately never get answered. Like most life-events the INFJ experiences,
they will usually withdraw from the people around them for a while, in order to try and properly
understand their emotions and the implications of what happened from all angles. They need
to mentally collect the pieces of the puzzle in order to properly decipher the meaning of it all.
Especially when it comes to the death of a loved one, the INFJ can experience a whole
new degree of analyzing the meaning of life and wondering what happens after this thing we call
life. Luckily, because of this, INFJs usually come out of difficult situations
with newly-found deep insights and understandings that most people completely overlook.
Number 2: Self-blame INFJs are used to being hard on themselves,
but when it comes to a significant loss in life, sometimes they can’t help but use that same
self-blame tactic in an attempt to find reasoning. Of course, with grieving-introspection comes the
questions of how it happened, why it happened, and what could have been done to avoid it. And with
these questions, INFJs may turn to themselves and wonder how they could’ve helped, or what they can
do if something similar happened again. They want to understand all angles of their contribution or
lack of, in order to feel comfortable enough to let it go without guilt or hard feelings attached.
Self-blame is not unique to the INFJ grieving process, but it can be the most difficult
aspect to get over depending on the situation. In fact, INFJs don’t accept the concept of moving on
until they can fully see that they are not to blame for what has happened.
Number 3: They freeze, but eventually let it all out
Call it denial or call it shock.. Sometimes the highly empathetic INFJ just can’t quite
grasp the idea of loss when it comes knocking at their door. Now, it’s not to say that this isn’t
a common step in most grieving processes, but sometimes for the INFJ type, they won’t process it
until everyone else around them has had a chance to. Although losing someone or something can be
quite the crippling experience for the INFJ, they can put their grief on the backburner for as long
as necessary, especially if moves need to be made where a clear and level-head is needed. However,
once the busyness of loss is over, the buried grief comes creeping up looking to be resolved and
understood. And that's when it all comes pouring down. The best part about it all? Sometimes
there’s no warning - even surprising the INFJ themselves at times of least expectancy.
Number 4: They help others cope as a coping mechanism
When INFJs put their grieving on the back burner, they may actually use the chaos and sorrow around
them to distract themselves from their own emotions. Naturally, their empathetic nature makes
it easy for them to remain concerned for how other people are handling the grief. They can become
hyper focused on ensuring everyone’s emotions are supported, lending an open ear or a shoulder
to cry on whenever needed. However, the downfall to this coping mechanism is that they can get so
caught up in absorbing and experiencing everyone else’s pain that they lose sight of processing
their own feelings. In fact, sometimes INFJs never really even get around to processing their
own feelings because they think that by fully understanding everyone else’s that they can better
manage the situation. Yet, grief doesn't stay quiet..everyone has to deal with it eventually.
Number 5: Over-indulgence So.. what happens when INFJs
prolong this process of burying their grieving emotions? Impulsivity and over-indulgence.
Unsupported grief can temporarily change the INFJ personality type, leading them away from their
naturally controlled and creative selves, and more towards recklessness and unpredictable behaviors.
Slowly but surely, grief begins to affect the INFJ’s introverted intuition; their main
guiding system, ultimately leading them astray. Well, actually, they're not fully left astray.
In fact, this process causes the INFJ to resort to their inferior extroverted sensing function,
which explains their short-sighted tendencies. Depending on the INFJ and the situation,
some INFJs may act out by over-eating, over-exercising, impulsive cleaning, overspending,
excessive drinking, and the list goes on. Since most INFJs have difficulty really knowing how they
feel most of the time, this overindulgent and out-of-character behaviour is known to be one
of the INFJ’s main indicators that there may be some underlying stress that needs to be resolved.
Number 6: Utter distraction
If you’ve ever experienced grief for yourself, no matter what personality type you identify with,
you know how distracting it can be - even for the types that don’t have spent the majority of their
waking hours in their minds. For the INFJ, who does in fact spend most of their waking
hours in their own minds, grief can come with a whole new level of distraction that most INFJs
never knew was even possible. In fact, significant loss is one of the only things
that has the power to send the perfectionist INFJ into a seriously unproductive state. They may feel
immobilized and trapped, without a clear focus or direction of where to put their time and energy.
This is usually when over-indulging and impulsivity creeps it’s way in, because
without focus and drive, the INFJ just doesn’t know what to do with themselves. This alone causes
even more stress for them because of the lack of organization and control they feel in their lives.
Number 7: Hyper-sensory awareness & obsessing over the details
Speaking of distracting grief, sometimes it’s not all about what’s going inside an INFJs head,
but what they do to avoid what’s going on in their minds. Contrary to some INFJs experiencing
a complete check-out of physical reality because of their inner distractions, some INFJs become
hyper-focused on their outer environment. They can become overly fixated on minor details of every
task they complete, and may even get aggravated or snappy should something not go as planned.
This is a tactic to gain back a sense of control and avoid the uncontrollable aspects of a grieving
situation. On the other hand, since INFJs are known for being so sensitive to outer stimuli,
this sensory awareness can become even more heightened, to the point of not being able to
comfortably function in day-to-day life. Lights, sounds, smells, and energy can become even more
intense - basically making the INFJ feel crazy, and unable to keep up with their responsibilities.
Number 8: They avoid burdening others
Most people look to the people around them during times of grief for mourning connection and
emotional support, but for the INFJ personality type, they’re not so quick to run to others
in times of loss and grief. Considering one of the more well-known traits of the INFJ is their
reluctance to open up to others, it doesn’t come as a surprise to know that they may never open up
about their grief, even to the people that mean most to them. Of course, they’ll always be there
to help others grief, but it’s rarely a mutually contributing conversation. Even when an INFJ takes
their much needed alone time to decipher through their thoughts in order to feel comfortable
enough to talk about their feelings to a loved one, they may not even know where to start or
how to put their feelings into words. And if they do get a few points out, most INFJs can end up
feeling ashamed and regret for letting someone into their thought process. Yet, in reality,
venting to someone trustworthy can actually make all the difference for a grieving INFJ.
Well, that's it for today, psych-os. So, are you an INFJ personality type? And if so, how
do you naturally grieve a loss? Let us know in the comments below. Don’t forget to leave us a like,
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