Hello, Diane Keaton.
How are you?
That was--
That was bad, OK?
Let's face it.
You know what you do?
I mean, that's stupid.
You stall because you hate doing these shows,
so you're trying to waste as much time
as you can so you don't have to talk as much.
That's right.
I got another problem though.
It's a bigger problem with you.
What?
Well, you know, let's be frank, OK?
You have 66 million followers on Instagram.
I do.
And I have 475,000.
I'm a loser.
No, no, no.
I mean, you-- who are you?
Well, I have a talk show, and it reaches the entire world.
And I have a platform.
Have some wine, calm down.
Settle down.
Have some wine.
I have-- this is the Diane-- the Keaton.
She has her own wine.
Keaton.
And she enjoys it with ice.
And am I the only person who always has wine for you?
Or do all your friends do this?
No, my friends never do.
I don't have any friends, number one.
Well, maybe that's why--
You're my first friend, special.
I know.
Have some.
Are you-- why?
Is there something in there that's going to make me crazy?
Did you put something in there?
No, it's your wine.
It's my wine that I made, yes.
OK.
Have it.
I'm going to try it.
Do it.
See if I like it.
She likes it with ice.
Does anybody else drink wine with ice?
But this is a little early to be drinking.
[APPLAUSE]
Do you?
Everyone likes wine--
But what about then, do you all drink early like this?
She's making me--
[APPLAUSE]
They're drunk right now.
All of them.
Most of them are already drunk.
They drink before they get in here.
[LAUGHTER]
Bad.
Look at them.
Well, they're very enthusiastic.
Yes, of course they are.
They're happy.
Look at them.
[CHEERING]
It's kind of sad how much they love you, Ellen.
No, it's wonderful.
And I love them back.
So it's just a room full of love.
Listen, let's talk about your Instagram.
Talk about something-- oh, my Instagram.
OK, but it's not fair.
No, no, it's wonderful that you--
But I don't mind right now because of the wine, mind you.
You haven't even had a sip.
Now, that's one sip.
Good.
Delicious?
Not bad, babe.
All right, good.
I'm happy now.
All right, good.
So what can I do?
I'm a failure.
No, you're not a failure.
And you post your daily clothing, which is so fabulous.
And you're now an influencer because people are--
What do you mean?
What are you talking about?
What is an influencer?
It means you people are being influenced by whatever it is--
your style, or whatever it is.
Or how crazy or how pathetic--
Look at that.
Look at that hat and look at that--
[APPLAUSE]
The hat's too much.
What about your suit?
What about this suit, yeah.
Yeah, that's what I want to know because where did you get it?
Because I do want it.
Well, it's--
It really looks good on you.
It's mine.
It said by Ellen.
Yeah.
Well, where do I buy that, Ellen?
I'll sell you one.
[LAUGHTER]
So how much is it, Ellen?
Do I get a discount?
You sure do.
I do?
Yeah, you do.
Don't you want more followers?
I'm trying to help you.
Oh, you are?
OK.
By doing what again?
By--
[LAUGHTER]
All right, let's move on.
Are we moving on?
Yeah.
OK.
When you tweet something or when you put something on Instagram,
you use all caps all the time.
Are you yelling at people or--
No, why?
That's what it means when you're--
No, that's not what it means.
No, it means that it looks better.
I see, OK.
All right.
Don't you agree?
See, look at that outfit.
I love that you're posting your clothes every day.
Where does that screen come from?
Oh, it's there.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh my god.
OK, yeah.
I posted that.
OK.
So--
[LAUGHTER]
I'm looking over here--
What do you mean, where does that screen come from?
Oh god, that's so huge.
That's for us to see, and that's for them to see.
We all have screens to see what's happening.
Oh my god.
Do your children follow you on Instagram?
I think the hat's too much.
Let's get real.
No, it's not.
I love the hat.
And I love the outfit.
I'm looking at myself not.
That's bad.
No, look, you see, what's happened
is that since I've started doing this, on occasion, you know,
I'll take a picture of myself in my own mirror.
And then I show my outfit for the day.
So pathetic.
And so people-- for some reason, I've
been doing a little bit better.
Yeah.
Why is that?
Because you have fabulous style.
[APPLAUSE]
I mean, you've had fabulous style since the beginning.
It's great.
I love that.
You don't have to clap, I know how you really feel.
No, everyone thinks you have fabulous style.
You always have.
Do your children follow you on Instagram?
Oh, no.
They have no interest in me.
No.
Really?
Not in that way.
Not in that way, they don't follow you.
Like the clothes, no.
Right.
Do you have any men that are--
Men, what do we talk about now?
Like, men.
Like--
What do you talk about when you say the man?
I talk about the man, I talk about men.
[LAUGHTER]
Talking about men.
Is there a man-front that you're interested in?
I don't have a man in my life.
You don't have a man.
I could buy one of these though maybe.
[LAUGHTER]
But I don't see any men out here.
You could buy one of them?
I could buy a man.
[APPLAUSE]
I don't think that was your first sip of the day because--
[LAUGHTER]
But I don't have the right kind of money for that.
Like to be a sugar mama, to be, like--
to take care of somebody.
What does a sugar mama do though?
Like, you'd buy a condo or a house for him, and a car.
And you would take care of him, and he
would be with you all the time.
And in what capacity would he be with me?
Whatever you want.
Well, when you have a sugar daddy, what do
they do sugar-wise?
[LAUGHTER]
It's that sugar part that gets me.
But what do I get?
Is that a sexual thing?
I'm the wrong one to ask.
But--
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I think-- I don't know.
Beats me.
I don't know either.
It's been so long since I've had the sugar part of the daddy.
[LAUGHTER]
Do you want to talk about Kendrick Lamar?
[COUGHING]
No.
I had too much to drink.
[LAUGHTER]
I like that Kendrick Lamar.
I'm going to take a break because I don't
know if you're serious or not.
I'm OK, I'll live.
All right.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball peen hammer.
And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities--
if you're into that sort of thing.
[YELLING]
[BLEEP]