- When I found out I had the power of controlling fire
with my mind, it was lit, bruh.
Literally.
I got so excited, I accidentally burned down
my whole apartment complex.
'Cause I was trying to roast marshmallows.
Things got a little out of hand.
Yeah, I can read minds.
Oh, sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.
I totally wasn't judging what I saw in your mind.
I promise.
(crickets)
Now that I can talk to animals,
I don't think I'll ever talk to a human ever again.
It's magical.
I'm basically a Disney princess now.
Hey, Kyle, you want to hang out tonight?
(bear growl) Great!
Kyle's a bear. He knows all the coolest places to hang out
in the forest.
I can shape shift into anything.
A raccoon, a piece of toast, Guy Fieri.
Only problem is
I eventually have to turn back into myself,
(sad music)
which is probably the hardest thing to be.
The ability to time travel rocks.
I just went back to the 16th century.
Man, the look on those guys' faces when I told them
that the sun didn't revolve around the earth.
Oh man, I had to get outta there fast.
They did not like that.
But I did.
I am so strong now, it's unbelievable.
The problem is, it's a hard power to control.
So I went in for a handshake,
crushed my coworker Timmy's hand.
I had cover his hospital bills, but on the bright side,
I don't think he's gonna be bothering me anymore.
Yeah, there's a lot you can do
when you can control electricity.
I guess I can probably like
zap a criminal or something.
but mostly I just use it to turn on the TV
when I can't find the remote, charge my phone.
(on TV) - My way to Flavor Town!
- It was just a regular day at the science exhibit.
When suddenly I was bitten by a spider.
I waited all night for my powers to come on,
but I just ended up with a really bad rash.
I also have an IQ of 300 but it's not that great.
I mean, it isn't 400.
Let me heal you.
All of your emotional wounds,
the scars deep inside your heart.
Just don't come to me with broken bones or whatever,
because I have not been to medical school
and I cannot afford another lawsuit.
I've got a super power, not a super income!
I love flying I'm like, it's a bird, it's a plane.
Nah, playas, it's me.
I can go from the Eiffel tower to the Great Wall of China
to the Egyptian pyramids in minutes.
Though I have been banned from all of those places
because apparently a man flying through the air
is disturbing to people.
My superpower is that I'm able to tell
whenever someone is lying.
So I say, "Hey, you're lying."
And then they say, "No, I'm not!"
'Cause they're a liar.
So then I have to say, "Uh, you're lying again."
And they say, "No, I'm not!"
It's really not that super of a power, come to think of it.
Mother Nature and I have this special communication
this special bond.
And if you couldn't tell from all the natural disasters lately,
she's a bit ticked off, okay?
The whole of human nature knowledge
is now contained in my brain.
You know what that means?
I'm about to whip some butts on Jeopardy.
Ken Jennings?
More like Ken Joke-ings.
You know what I'm saying?
Am I right?
My power is invisibility.
I'm so good at it that sometimes I'm not even using it.
And people still don't realize I'm there.
Come on, you knew that's where I was going.
I can duplicate myself.
Then I send all the duplicates to do the boring stuff
I don't wanna do.
It's an extremely efficient system.
-Maybe for you it is, jerk.
-They're just like me.
Predicting the future is great.
Yeah...
Especially this year, every time I have a vision
I think, "I have to be wrong this time.
This is too much.
Like, really?"
But nope! There everything is,
unfolding just the way I saw it in my head.
Hooray
But on the bright side, I can tell you that next year--
This is your last chance to get the Frisky Pony design
'cause it's going away
to make room for some new, cool designs
so you can keep repping your favorite YouTube channel,
which is this one.
And I told them that earth doesn't revolve around the sun--
actually earth does revolve around the sun.
(laughs)
Alex Trebek, he ain't ready for me.
Come on!