i remember walking across this yard on what seemed to be a random day my head down lost in
my own world of issues like many of you do daily i'm almost at the center of the yard i raised my
head and muhammad ali was walking towards me time seemed to slow down as his eyes locked on mine
and opened wide he's raised his fist into a quintessential guard i was game
to play along with him to act as if i was a worthy opponent
what an honor to be challenged by the goat the greatest of all time for a brief moment
his face was as serious as if i were frasier in the drilling in manila
his movements his movements for flashes of a pass greater than i can imagine his
security let the joke play along for a second before they ushered him away
and i walked away floating like a butterfly
i walked away amused at him amused at myself amused at life for this moment
that almost no one would ever believe
i walked away light ready to take on the world that
is the magic of this place almost anything can happen here
when completing a long climb one first experiences dizziness disorientation and shortness of breath
due to the high altitude but once you become accustomed to the climb your mind opens up to
the tranquility of the triumph oftentimes the mind is flooded with realizations that were for
some reason harder to come to when you were at a lower elevation at this moment most of
you need some realizations because right now you have some big decisions to make right now i urge
you this day when you have reached the hilltop and you are deciding on next jobs next steps careers
further education you would rather find purpose than a job or career purpose crosses disciplines
purpose is an essential element of you it is the reason you are on the planet at this
particular time in history your very existence is wrapped up in the things you are here to fulfill
whatever you choose for a career path remember the struggles along the way are only meant to
shape you for your purpose throughout ancient times institutions of learning have been built
on top of heels to convey that great struggle is required to achieve degrees of enlightenment each
of you had your own unique difficulties with the heel for some of you the challenge was academics
and i want to say something to that you know sometimes your grades don't give a real indication
of what your greatness might be for others it was financial you and your family
struggled to make ends meet you had to work an extra job or two but you're here
for a lot of you your hardest struggle was social some of you never fit in you were
never as cool and as popular as you wanted to be and it bothers you so your social struggles here
became psychological even though you made it up the heel you carrying the baggage of rejection
with you but you're here or some of you went through something traumatic you made it
to the top of the hill but but not without scars and bruises some of you fit in too much
you're waiting until the last minute to do your best work and it's a wonder that
you made it up the hill at all because you carry the baggage of too much acceptance
in my first new york audition for a professional play i landed the lead role from that play i got
my first agent from that agent i got an on-screen audition it was a soap proper
i scored that role too i felt like mike tyson when he first came on the scene knocking out opponents
in the first round you very often get the script the night before and you shoot the whole episode
in one day with little to no time to prepare once i saw the role i was playing i found myself
conflicted a young man in his formative years with a violent strict pulled into the allure of gang
involvement never judge the characters you play that's what we were always taught that's the first
rule of acting and any role play honestly can be empowering but i was conflicted because this role
seemed to be wrapped up in assumptions about us as black folk the writing failed to search
for specificity there was barely a glimpse of positivity or talent in the character barely a
glimpse of hope i would have to make something out of nothing i was conflicted it was just my luck
that after filming the first two episodes execs of the show called me into their offices and told
me how happy they were with my performance they wanted me to be around for a long time they said
if there was anything that i needed just let them know that was my opening
i decided to ask them some simple questions about the background of of my character questions that
i felt were pertinent to the plot question number one where's my father well he left when you were
younger of course okay question number two in this script it alluded to my mother not being equipped
to operate as a good parent so why exactly would my little brother and i have to go into
foster care matter of factly he answered well of course she's on heroin that could be real i guess
but i didn't want to assume that's what it was if we're around here assuming that the black
characters in the show are criminals on drugs and dead pete parents then that would probably be
stereotypical wouldn't it that word stereotypical lingard i left the office i shot the episode i
had come in to shoot on that day probably the best one i did out of the three because i got what was
bothering me off my chest on the next day a phone call from my agent they decided to go another way
i was let go from that job the questions that i asked set the producers on guard and perhaps
pave the way for a less stereotypical portrayal for the black actor that stepped into the role
after me as the scripture says i planted the seed and apollos watered it but god kept it
growing as conflicted as i was before i lost the job as adamant as i was about the need to speak
truth to power i found myself even more conflicted afterwards my agents at the time told me it might
be a while before i got a job acting on screen again we're hesitant about sending you out to some
people right now because there is a stigma that you're difficult but when you have those moments
you start to wonder if there was a better way to handle it and if you could have handled it better
maybe you could help your family and then before you know it you're broke and you find yourself
scraping together change just so you can ride the subway so that you can get the next job and
maybe if you can book something else that would eclipse the feeling of doubt that's building but
it seems like you can't pay them to hire you now but that was fine because i never wanted to act
in the first place and i definitely didn't want to be caught dead going after a fake hollywood
pipe dream i'm more of a writer director anyway so forget their stories i can tell my own stories
sometimes you need to get knocked down before you can really figure out what your what your fight is
and how you need to fight it at some point my mom reverted back to my experiences here
to the professors that challenged me and struggled against me
finally i thought of ali in the middle of the yard
it is elder years drawing from his victories and his losses at that moment i realized something
new about this the greatness of our league and how he carried his crown
i realized that he was transferring something to me on that day
he was transferring the spirit of the fighter to me sometimes you need to feel the pain and
sting of defeat to activate the real passion and purpose that god predestined inside of you
god says in jeremiah i know the plans i have for you
plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future
god will move someone is holding you back away from a door
and put someone there who will open it for you
if it's meant for you i don't know what your future is but if you're willing to take the harder
way the more complicated one the one with more failures at first their successes the one that
has ultimately proven to have more meaning more victory more glory then you will not regret it now
this is your time
you