APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Good evening, and welcome to a very special edition
of The Best Bits from Series 15 of Would I Lie to You?
Joining David Mitchell tonight...
APPLAUSE Holly Willoughby, Gyles Brandreth,
Philippa Perry, Chris McCausland,
Judi Love, Mike Wozniak,
Deborah Frances-White,
and Raj Bisram.
And joining Lee Mack are Stephen Mulhern,
Sarah Millican, Bob Mortimer,
Yung Filly, John Cooper Clarke,
Angellica Bell, Caroline Quentin,
and Alan Titchmarsh.
First up, it's Stephen. Right.
Very few people know this, but for five months in 1998,
I appeared every week on Noel's House Party
as the man inside Mr Blobby.
LAUGHTER
David's team.
How old were you, Steven?
Well, I was born in '77, so let's work it out. '77, erm...
So you're 44?!
44, yeah.
Wow. That's incredible! Doesn't he look good?
Have you done ANY physical work in your life?
That's incredible. What?! Yes!
Always outside, working on markets, market stalls.
Did you? Yeah.
I thought you were inside Mr Blobby!
I only got into TV when I worked in kids' television,
and that's how I met Noel Edmonds.
So you were working in kids' TV?
Yeah. In what capacity?
I was, first of all, a runner.
Then I moved to a TV presenter after lots of auditions.
But how did you get the Blobby gig?
Because one of the... Are you interested?
The prized Blobby gig! They're always talking about it.
Who will be the next Blobby?
Isn't it about time we had a female Blobby?
Is Blobby still going? No. Has Blobby gone?
I'm sure Bobby's bookable, but God knows,
God knows what creature is in it!
How did you get that gig?
There was one other Blobby called Barry, and he was the main man.
And if he couldn't do the show, then I was employed.
What was HE doing that made him too busy to be Bobby?
LEE: He was Stig.
And how long did you do it for?
I would say about 15 shows, but I also worked at Crinkley Bottom
when they did the theme park.
So you actually performed there as well? I did, yeah.
Wow. I would like to ask, did you have to do the voice
when you did the suit?
Yeah, I would speak into... Like, there was...
I don't know what you'd call it, but it's the reverse of
one of those Tannoys and it would just change the voice.
Oh, so what would you say?
"Blobby, blobby, blobby."
There may be some people watching this show...
Oh, who knows?! Yes!
There may be some people watching this show who wonder
what we're talking about because they were born in that glorious
age after Blobby.
So we've got a photograph.
Could that be you?
Well, I can tell you, it's definitely NOT me.
Why? But I've done that pose cos that's one of the poses.
So how do you know that's not you?
Because I didn't do the photoshoot for it.
Stephen, when you said that's ONE of the poses,
what are the other poses?
RAJ: Good question.
Give us the... The full Blobby.
Well, if I got excited... Do you mind if I stand up to do it?
Not at all.
Let's really make this work. OK, fine.
So, if I was getting excited,
kids walked up, it would be, "Blobby, blobby, blobby, blobby!
"Blobby, blobby!" And that would be it. Yeah.
LEE: And yet when I do that
when kids come up to me, the police get involved.
So, if there was a kid there, it would be that.
Oh, yeah, but what if he was on the other side?
This was another one, which was just if I was annoyed.
That's quite disturbing.
Is that...? That's what Blobby does to show anger?
Yeah.
What was the pay like, Stephen?
On the TV show, I can tell you I got £350...
SOMEONE WHISTLES ..which was a rehearsal on a Friday
and then live on Saturday.
And then for the theme parks, it was £500 a week.
See, that sounds credible cos he knows the exact amount. He does.
And that's the only thing you know, when you're young
and in show business - what does it pay? Yeah.
See, the thing, to this day, I don't think Noel Edmonds realised
that I was the guy that was in Blobby. Oh, I see.
When you say that Noel didn't know you were in there,
he did know that there was SOMEBODY in there?
Well, what do you think, Deborah?
Either he's telling the truth or he is a master liar.
I think it could be true.
I-I sense that you could feel Blobby's weight around you,
as, you know, as you moved Blobby-like and said,
"Blobby, blobby, blobby."
Yeah, obviously true.
OK, saying it's true. So let's find out.
Stephen, Mr Blobby - truth or lie?
Well, obviously it's a...
..lie.
Oh! GASPING AND CHEERING
That's impressive!
John, it's your turn.
For three months, I shared a flat with a monkey.
David's team.
Um, when was this?
Oh...
Early '70s.
And was it just you and the monkey or were there other flatmates?
Just me and the monkey.
It was in Amsterdam.
The monkey's apartment was in Amsterdam, and I was...
So, it was the monkey's apartment?!
When he says apartment, he means in the zoo.
What was the monkey's name, John?
Charlie. Charlie.
And why only three months -
did the monkey kick you out?
The thing was, I was kind of monkey-sitting this animal.
What did he look like?
Oh, he was exquisite.
Well, most of you are probably thinking, "Wow, what fun."
You know. And I don't blame you.
Sometimes there are things in life that are a disappointment,
but living with a monkey isn't one of 'em.
What did it eat? What did he eat?
He wanted what you were eating. Oh! Really?
Which, at the time, was a lot of chips.
Could he do any tricks at all? Could he do any tricks?
Tricks? He was full of 'em.
LAUGHTER What was...?
"What do ya want?!"
He'd have the guillotine,
he'd have the sawing the lady in half! He had the lot!
I used to take him to the park with one of those extendable dog leashes.
You know, where you... I didn't know they had them in the early '70s.
No, they had 'em. But the point is, you know, when I extended the leash,
it would run up into the nearest tree.
So I would be stood for ages with my arm extended up...
Wow.
And it then looks like you're taking your tree for a walk. Exactly!
So, when you had to go, like,
and meet this monkey, how long was the owner there with you?
Yes, of course, I did have to go for a kind of audition.
He didn't want to leave his precious pal with any old schmuck.
What are you looking at me for?!
DAVID: How did you ace the audition?
Well, we seemed to hit it off.
You and the... Although we did get off to a bad start, actually. Yeah?
I went round to his apartment to audition.
There was one empty chair. Yeah. But it was occupied by the monkey,
which was curled up asleep in this chair.
So I picked it up, thinking it was a cat.
And then it went rigid.
I could feel its ribs suddenly,
and all of its muscles tightened up,
and it shrieked once and once only,
but for about ten minutes!
It was like it was plugged into the mains.
Anyway...
Yeah. I threw it as if... What?!
..as if t'were a cat. Oh, yeah.
You know, they land on their feet. Yeah. But he's a monkey.
He DIDN'T land on his feet.
He landed in an ungainly heap.
And then it kind of scuttled away, looking back over its shoulder
in my direction... Oh, dear!
..in a real accusatory manner.
So, John, given you were so close after three months,
it must have been very hard to say goodbye.
It was a hell of a wrench.
Yeah.
Monkey wrench. A hell of a wre...
Yes!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Um, Chris, what are you thinking about this?
He could make anything up, and it would sound true,
but this sounds so plausible.
What about you, Judi?
If we're being honest, out of all of us sitting on here...
Yeah. ..if there was one person that we could think of that lived
with a monkey for three months,
who do you think that would be?!
Oh, yeah. Yes.
But once you've discounted David, who would it THEN be?
I think it's true. You say true?
CHRIS: 100%.
True. OK, they're saying true.
So, John, living with a monkey in Amsterdam - truth or lie?
They got me rumbled. It's true.
It's Holly.
OK.
Mine says "possession".
Now, there is a box on the floor under the desk.
Take the item out of the box and pop it onto the desk...
CHUCKLING ..and then please read the card.
OK.
I'm just going to sit you there, little guy.
Are you talking to me? No!
Right, this is Jeff.
Every Thursday, our floor manager hides him somewhere on the set
of This Morning for me and Phillip to find during the show.
The first one to spot him is the winner.
Wow. Lee's team.
What's his name again? Jeff.
Little Jeff.
It's hidden BEFORE the show... Yeah.
..and you search for him during the show?
During the ad breaks, we have to find him.
Oh, it's only during the breaks. It's never...
Well, to be honest, depending on who I'm interviewing, sometimes I get
a bit bored, I'll have a little look round, see if I can see Jeff.
You've interviewed me on This Morning...
LAUGHTER And I found him so fast that day!
APPLAUSE
Who finds him the most? You or Phillip?
It's pretty even-stevens. We've been doing it for so long.
And actually, I mean, I've been there 12 years,
and Little Jeff is a lot older than that.
Can we have a look at Little Jeff? Yes.
Let Little Rob take Little Jeff over there.
I'll say this -
I look HUGE next to Jeff!
Jeff is a very disturbing-looking doll.
I know. Jeff is the kind of thing you'd see in a horror film. Yeah.
Can you face Jeff towards us?
Ooh, Jeff's horrible.
Where's the most obscure place you've found Jeff?
Erm, well...
That's a question that you need context.
The longest Jeff has gone missing was for two weeks,
and we couldn't find... On set? On set. Couldn't find Jeff anywhere.
And there was a teapot on the shelves, and Jeff was squished
inside the teapot. But the thing is, there must be times
when you've accidentally found him whist you're on air. No, never.
Never cropped up? Jeff has never, ever made it on air.
In fact, I had to get special sort
of dispensation to get Jeff on telly today, because he's a real
This Morning...secret. Oh, he's not exclusive to ITV?
No! Cos we couldn't get Phillip Schofield.
Not that we tried! No, I'm just saying, on another series.
That's all I meant! That's all I meant!
Holly, whenever I've been in that studio, there's hardly anything
in there, apart from where the presenters are.
Yeah. It's just a bare, barren studio for the cameras...
No, there is loads in there.
Well, not when I've been on it.
Maybe they think I'm going to steal things or something!
Maybe! It's a good point.
There's quite a lot of places, there's loads of shelves,
there's windows. I don't know that there's 12 years' worth of places!
Well, there's lots of different cushions.
There are repeat offenders, you know, repeat places. Yeah, I mean,
to be fair, we haven't got 15 years of guests.
Sometimes we have to keep bringing people back.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
OK, so what are you going to say, then?
Angellica. I think it could be true.
I've got the killer question, and I know the answer to this -
who is the most delighted when they find it? You or Phillip?
Me. I thought that. It's true, then.
Cos you look like the kind who goes, "Yes!"
Where Phillip would sort of go, "Whatever.
"I've got second-hand cars to sell."
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
We'll say it's true, then, shall we? You're going to say it's true?
OK, Holly, Little Jeff - truth or lie?
Well, Little Jeff, what is it?
It's a lie. ANGELLICA: No!
APPLAUSE
It's Alan.
Possession. Ah, now, there's a box on the floor.
Take the item out of the box and pop it on the desk first,
and then read out the card.
Oh, a little mini instrument.
Oh, Alan. That's cute.
My size of furniture.
These are three items from my doll's house.
I have meticulously furnished it with everything
I'd put in my real house if only I was allowed.
David's team. Are those three things that you're not allowed
in your real house? You're not allowed a chair?
I'm not allowed a chair that looks like that.
So this is your wife wearing the trousers in the house.
Not wearing the trousers, but... Making all the decisions.
No, not making all the decisions... Ruling the roost.
No!
We have slightly differing tastes in furniture and in a doll's house,
I can just do it totally my own taste.
What's your favourite room in the doll's house?
The kitchen, because you can get very, very skilfully made
minute food.
Pork pies, eggs in a basket,
broken eggs on the floor. It's an incredibly...
Broken eggs on the floor?
It's an art form. I want to hear more about the dishes
and what foodstuffs, you've got pork pies, what else?
I've got a lovely... Oh, it's definitely a pork pie.