Remember Suzie Crabgrass?
Hi, Ned.
Sure, she was Ned's dream girl,
but was she secretly the most complex, dynamic character
in Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide?
Here are seven reasons Suzie is the best.
First of all, she's a total boss.
She manages to balance cheer leading, community service,
being co-captain of her volleyball team.
See you on the court.
And being the school spirit queen.
She knows exactly what she wants in a relationship.
So she's not about to settle for being stood up by Seth.
Where were you?
You were supposed to meet me in the parking lot.
And what are you wearing?
You can't be serious about going with me looking like that.
What? School colors.
Go wolves!
That's it, it's over Seth.
Next up, Suzie Crabgrass is one classy lady.
She listens to Mozart when she plays volleyball.
I mean, this girl is deep.
You stink today.
Mozart is stuck in my head. It's like some kind of mind control.
Quick, I need to listen to some real music.
No wait, but I'm listening to...
Mozart.
I kind of like it.
And she starred in a little play called Romeo and Juliet
by William Shakespeare. Heard of him?
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
I am coming, my dearest.
Climeth the laddereth...noweth!
I'm getting dizzy.
Ned, hold on!
[screaming]
So we know she's strong, independent and classy,
but she's also brave enough to own who she is,
even when she feels vulnerable.
Excuse me, cafeteria working girl, you missed a spot.
By the way, I think it's great you're totally not embarrassed
to be seen working in the cafeteria.
Thanks.
Oh and Suzie, lunch lady--
Oh, I just remembered I gotta go. Bye.
What's her problem?
I guess I thought that being a kid on the lunch program wasn't very cool.
To me, and a lot of other kids,
you'd be a lot cooler if you got behind that counter.
Hey lunch girl, you missed a spot.
Suzie, you're in the lunch program?
Yeah, is there a problem?
Well, it's just we hang out and the whole thing seems so dirty.
Well, let me clean that for you.
[screaming]
You missed a spot.
Which brings us to number four.
She's got principles and she stands by them.
Free your mind and free the frogs!
Free the frogs!
Protest all you want, you two.
But let me remind you,
the dissection is a mandatory class requirement.
And if you don't do it,
you'll get an F.
Fine, then I'll take that F and so will Ned.
What?
You'll be dividing into groups to dissect a frog.
But thanks to Mr. Bigby,
you now have two options.
Um, pause. Why is he giving Ned all the credit?
That was all Suzie.
Real dissection or virtual dissection on the computer.
Think of all the frogs we're saving.
My hero.
Next up, let's talk Suzie and Moze.
- Crabgrass. - Mosely.
At first, they were middle school rivals.
And I'm gonna be head cheerleader.
You wouldn't make the team anyway.
But they had a lot more in common than they thought.
It's just a yes or no quiz on things you like.
Yes, I know.
I pass it out and the girl who scores the highest
becomes my new best friend.
I have nothing in common with Doris.
I have no idea how she aced my fake yearbook survey.
Survey?
That wasn't a study hall quiz I cheated on?
- Cheated on? - Yeah.
I copied all the answers from Crabgrass.
Crabgrass?
Suzie Crabgrass scored 100% on my best friend quiz?
So Suzie set their rivalry aside,
and she turned out to be one of Moze's closest friends.
I don't think we're supposed to turn everything into a death match.
Yeah, I know. We've been kicked out of every club.
- But I'm having fun. - Yeah, me too.
Need another reason to love Suze?
Awesome, because we have one. She's super understanding.
Suzie is willing to forgive, even in tough situations,
like when she finds out her best friend and her boyfriend
kissed at the school dance.
[moaning]
Are you guys trying to tell me that you kissed at last night's dance?
You knew?
Jack told me.
Anyways, I was trying to see if you'd make a trustworthy boyfriend
and if you would make a trustworthy friend.
You passed.
We should have told you right away.
This kiss was an accident.
I totally believe you.
I'll call you tonight, and I'll see you tomorrow.
But don't take her kindness for granted,
because coming in at number seven,
this girl's not afraid to tell it like it is.
Suzie, I never meant to hang up on you.
Sweeny pulled the phone away and the hang up happened when Moze hit me.
Then the reception breaking up in the hall, not me breaking up with you.
OK, OK, I believe you.
But if you ever hang up on me again, we're finished.
So what we're saying is Suzie has so many layers.
Suzie Crabgrass?
Suzie grows as a character throughout Ned's Declassified.
She starts out laughing at Ned in class, and totally rejecting him.
What are you doing?
But over the course of the series,
Suzie develops into an independent, assertive, brave,
understanding character.
That sounds great.
So you could say that the most dynamic character
in Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is...
Suzie Crabgrass?
Suzie Crabgrass.
Suzie Crabgrass?
Suzie Crabgrass.
Suzie!
Do you agree with our take on Suzie?
Who's your favorite Ned's Declassified character?
Tell us in the comments below.