What's sexier, and more useful, than a thong?
From exotic dancers to people not wanting to show underwear lines, the thong is there
to titillate and aid in keeping you from embarrassing yourself in public.
But what is it like to actually wear a thong?
Well, we could've simply asked literally any female in the world- but we thought it'd be
really funny- err, we thought that we needed a scientific investigation into the pros and
cons of this underwear choice.
So once more we turn to your favorite guinea pig as we task him with wearing man thongs
for a whole week!
Day 1: Is anybody else in our audience old enough to remember The Thong Song?
Just curious, because that's been stuck in my head now since I first opened the email
with this challenge.
Wearing man thongs for a week?
Well, I've already went commando so honestly, what could be so hard about this?
Well, turns out I have to go buy them first, because of course Infographics isn't going
to spare a single ounce of potential humiliation if they can help it.
Oh, and I also have to go to a public pool and try out the swim style too, because apparently
that's important to the thesis of the challenge.
They literally wrote in the assignment email that they needed to, and I quote, “understand
how thongs operate in an underwater environment.”
Right.
It has nothing to do with public humiliation.
Well, the one person who's got no problem with the challenge is the girlfriend, who's
been looking at me with this weird half-smile, half-day dreaming look on her face since I
told her about the challenge.
I asked her what was going on and she finally kind of blushed a little bit and said, “I
don't know, I think I'm kind of turned on by this whole idea.”
I blame that male stripper movie- what was it called?
Oh yeah, Magic Mike.
She never saw it- we don't do anything that could take the intimacy focus away from each
other, and honestly, we never really need to.
But I think she really likes the idea because, well, she's had me strip for her on more than
one occasion.
Hey, when you're with someone long enough you have to put effort into your romantic
life and keep it exciting for both of you.
So now she's apparently kind of really excited about me having to wear these for a whole
week.
If this turns into a whole roleplaying thing and then ends with me getting a job at a male
strip club, I'm gonna be calling it quits on this whole challenge thing...
The rules are simple: buy man thongs, wear man thongs, 24 hours a day for a full week.
I'm not sure what to expect.
I've never worn anything similar before, honestly it kind of seems like thongs would just give
you a permanent wedgie and you'd have that uncomfortable feeling all day long.
I guess I'll be finding out.
See you guys in three days.
Day 3: The first thing I had to do was go actually buy me a thong, and turns out you
really can't just go anywhere and buy a thong for men.
I went to Target at first and well, they didn't carry any though the girl I asked for help
finding them gave me a very odd look for a moment after I asked her.
I went to another chain store and same luck.
Finally I text the girlfriend for help in finding somewhere and I could practically
feel her rolling her eyes through the text message.
She immediately told me to go to an adult clothing shop.
In hindsight, that's kind of obvious.
I asked her to come with me because I felt really weird going to a place like that on
my own, and I guess I thought it would be less weird if I went in there with my significant
other.
She agreed and an hour later we were both in a small boutique shop- that's the great
thing about Los Angeles, you can find literally anything here.
The store was run by an older woman who was super friendly to us as soon as we walked
in, and then immediately started asking us about ourselves.
She told us she had been married for over twenty years, and then went into way too much
detail about their love life and why she opened up this store.
Then she looked the girlfriend up and down and said something along the lines of, “oh
you're a hot momma, have I got some things for you to wear that'll put him on his knees!”
That's when I had to explain that we were actually here for me, and she sort of looked
me up and down and said, “oh well good for you, honey, you know most men don't even put
any effort into it!”
Did I mention how overly friendly this woman was?
Well, I told her I was looking for thongs for men, and she showed me to an astonishingly
large selection of them.
Let me tell you, I'm a pretty confident guy, I exercise regularly and watch what I eat.
But man, I was immediately intimidated thinking about having to walk around in one of these
things.
I feel like for a man to confidently walk into a store and buy a male thong, he either
has to be European or a male stripper.
Well, I selected three- although the girlfriend made me put back a kilt-thong and told me
to not be ridiculous.
Yes, a kilt-thong, as in a tiny little kilt that was also a thong.
I'm not making this stuff up.
I went into the changing room with my three thongs, and slipped the first one on.
Honestly, I wasn't even sure what it was supposed to feel like, what would be a 'good fit' so
to speak.
What I do know is that I turned around to look at myself in the mirror and realized
something: there were no mirrors in the changing stalls.
There's only one mirror, and it's outside in the small hallway where all the stalls
are at- and which is wide open to the rest of the store.
That seems like poor design choices in my opinion.
So I slid out of my stall, hoping the store didn't immediately become packed with people
while I was in my stall- and I ran straight into another guy.
Like, we literally ran into each other and touched chest to chest, and, well, other parts
too.
I guess his girlfriend or wife or whatever was in another stall and he was going to check
on her or something when I came out of my stall and we ran into each other.
Hey, you know what's the most uncomfortable thing in the world?
Making chest-to-chest contact with another guy when all you're wearing is a half-millimeter
of fabric wrapped around your package.
I think I saw him die a little inside when I looked into his eyes.
I know I certainly did.
He hurriedly shuffled past mumbling an apology... oh man, this is going to be a hell of a week.
So, the girlfriend was waiting by the mirror along with the shopkeeper for some strange
reason.
Somehow she had become part of our shopping experience, as if she didn't have a store
to run.
The girlfriend's eyes immediately went wide and then she started laughing, but then she
kind of quieted down and bit her lower lip.
The shopkeeper looked at her and winked at me and said, “I think she likes it!”.
I looked in the mirror and... well, you had seriously better have some good body image
if you're thinking of wearing a thong, because those things leave nothing to the imagination.
Also, um, they are drafty, to say the least.
Like I was there, on full display, keeping almost no secrets from any prying eyes.
I decided I really didn't need to know what they looked like on me and rushed back to
the stall.
The challenge was officially on, so I just wore it out under my jeans and ripped out
the tag so they could be rang up.
The shopkeeper was even nice enough to recommend a swimming set, but she warned us that some
public beaches forbade the wear of thongs for men or women.
No mention of public pools though.
So I've been wearing these things for two days now, and well, it feels strange to say
the least.
Before I even went to try one on I realized that these things are so tiny that I'd have
to, well, manscape, if you will.
Only turns out you have to manscape like, a lot.
Basically, unless you want to look like a gorilla in a speedo, you have to weed whack
almost everything away.
That left my skin extremely sensitive, and well, the material is really soft and the
feeling of it on your skin can sometimes be... kind of nice.
I didn't mind that much, what I did mind is the tendency that thongs have to ride up on
you.
More than once my thong ended up poking out the top of my jeans and I'd catch people staring.
Once it happened in front of a lady and her small kid while we were waiting in line at
Panda Express, and I am pretty sure that lady now thinks I'm some sort of deviant, because
she quickly moved her child to the opposite side of her body, away from me.
Oh, I very quickly forgot about bending over to pick things up.
Instead, I bend at the knees now for everything, which is kind of really weird to see a guy
do.
But, you know, I don't want to keep looking like a tramp in public.
That's half my week's worth of observations, see you guys at the end.
Day 7: Who knew wearing man thongs would be such a journey?
One of the things I regularly do is go to the gym to do laps in the pool, it really
helps with my back and leg injuries from my service years and keeps me from getting really
sore.
If you've been watching our show for a while, then you already know that going commando
is nothing too new for me, I occasionally do it and you know what, if you show up at
the gym changing room and drop your pants and aren't wearing underwear, it's literally
no big deal.
There's tons of naked dudes in a men's locker room, it's the most natural thing in the world.
Dropping your pants and revealing you're wearing a thong though, now that gets attention.
And it's not very comfortable attention.
It's just not... normal.
Also- and I didn't expect this at all- I kind of felt extremely self-conscious.
Which is weird, because I just mentioned that at least once a week I drop trousers in front
of several dozen men and shower off in a big shower room full of them.
Being naked is honestly not a big deal for me, but being in a thong- well that was different.
Wearing a thong is like making a statement, and my uncomfortable feeling came from a nagging
question in the back of my mind which I couldn't help but ask myself: can I pull this thing
off?
I feel like when you're wearing a man thong, you're saying to the world- look at me, I
have the body to do this.
Am I the only one that thinks this way?
Like I said before, I'm in good shape, but I'm definitely not like the male models in
catalogs that actually sell these things.
I guess this is what it feels like to be a modern woman.
Wow, I'm so sorry ladies.
Well, if it was weird to drop my pants and show to the locker room that I was wearing
thongs, it was even weirder to then switch into thong swimming bottoms.
How can I explain them?
Well, imagine you have the tiniest sack in the world, and you have to stuff all of yourself
into that sack and then the tiniest bits of string stretches around your waist to keep
the whole thing from falling off.
That was my bathing suit.
I think I was 99.99% bare flesh.
Nothing, and I mean nothing was left to the imagination.
Not knowing if I'd get kicked out or not, I strutted out to the pool and waited for
a lane to be clear so I could hop in and do my laps.
Lucky me, the place was pretty decently packed, although since it's at a gym there were no
kids around.
Pretty sure at this point I could've been arrested as a sex criminal if there had been
a minor in that gym.
Nobody started at me more than the head lifeguard on duty.
It was like he was trying to figure out if there was any sort of regulation against my
swim wear.
Obviously, you're not allowed to swim naked- that's against regulations.
But how much of a difference is there between naked and the few inches worth of cloth I
was physically wearing?
In the end, none of the lifeguards said anything, and I was happy to get in the water and get
my shrink-wrapped plums out of line of sight of several dozen eyeballs.
When I tell you that this left nothing to the imagination, I mean it.
Although, as I was doing my laps I have to admit, it feels so much better swimming this
way.
It felt so free, like it was just me and the water and nothing between me and the sweet
caress of mother nature.
I felt like a dolphin just sliding through the water effortlessly, no friction, like
a hot knife through butter.
This is the way man was meant to swim.
Then I climbed out of the pool and realized why I had been feeling so free- my thong had
slipped completely off and was floating somewhere in the middle of the pool.
I stood there, my captain's mast on full display to men and women of all ages, and the next
thing I remember is like four lifeguard whistles blowing at the same time, and the nearest
lifeguard throwing her towel on me and yelling at me to get out.
And that's the story of how I'll never be returning to that gym ever again.
Thanks, Infographics.
Alright, so other than marking yet another public place off the list of places I'm allowed
to show my face at, how was my week wearing man thongs?
Honestly you kind of get used to it.
The string up my cheeks really bothered me for a while, and then I kind of just got used
to it.
It really just sort of fades from your mind, although it does make you...
strangely sensitive to stimuli like the fabric of your jeans rubbing against the fabric of
your thong in the front.
Also, it turned the girlfriend into a total hornball.
I don't think either of us knew about this secret fixation she apparently has with man
thongs, but even though I won't be wearing them voluntarily ever again- and definitely
not for swimming- I'm also going to hang on to them for, you know, special events.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm pretty sure that the girlfriend is about to ask me to sign
up for male stripping lessons.
That's another pressing scientific question answered by your favorite lab rat, and now
that you're at the end of the video, why not discover more about the weird, wonderful world
we live in- or maybe you just want to see other ways we've tortured everyone's favorite
guinea pig?!
Click on this video over here, or this one right here!