Serious struggles with self-doubt.
Apprehension about a celebrity lifestyle.
The role of a lifetime which came with its own set of truly difficult hurdles.
We've learned a lot about Heath Ledger since his untimely death; here's a few more things
we've discovered.
In both charisma and talent, Heath Ledger's star power was the equivalent of a category
five force on nature on-screen.
But you wouldn't know it from his reportedly overwhelming sense of self-doubt.
In the documentary I Am Heath Ledger, the actor's agent, Steve Alexander, described
how the actor was encumbered by insecurity on the set of period war drama The Patriot.
He thought he'd bombed the screen test — to the point that he stopped reading midway through
to say,
"Sorry, I'm wasting your time."
The actor also struggled with his confidence on-set.
His insecurity was so intense that he almost backed out of every movie he starred in, according
to his agent.
It's a depiction that was echoed by others, too.
Speaking to Yahoo! Entertainment, The Patriot director Roland Emmerich described the actor
as being super nervous on-set, mostly on account of starring opposite his acting-hero Mel Gibson.
Meanwhile 10 Things I Hate About You director Gil Junger told The New York Times that Ledger
worried he screwed up his incredibly short audition.
Ironically, the reading was only as short as it was because Junger was sold on Ledger's
sense of energy and sexuality from the beginning.
"Well maybe you're not afraid of me, but I'm sure you've thought about me naked, huh?"
For many fans of the star, Heath Ledger's performance in 10 Things I Hate About You
may have been their first irrepressible introduction to the reluctant heartthrob.
Apparently, he made quite an impact on the cast of the classic teen film too.
Writing for Vulture, co-star David Krumholtz remembered the close-knit cast being apprehensive
about the addition of Ledger.
Instead, they found another close friend, he wrote, adding,
"The group, with Heath, only got stronger."
In all respects, the actor sounded like he contributed a great deal more to the movie
than just an iconic performance as misunderstood bad boy Patrick Verona.
"Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want."
Speaking to The New York Times, director Gil Junger recalled that Ledger was the one who
suggested his character sing Frankie Valli's "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" to woo Julia
Stiles' Kat Straftord with, rather than the originally scripted song "I Touch Myself"
by the Divinyls.
What's more, on the People in the '90s podcast, Stiles remembered that Ledger "stood back"
during her iconic poem scene by refusing to overshadow her performance by getting emotional
during his reaction shot.
She recalled,
"But he was confident enough [...] to be like, 'I'm handing over the stage to you.'
And I learned way later in life that doesn't always happen."
"But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close.
Not even a little bit.
Not even at all."
In order to sell the quirky medieval rom-com A Knight's Tale, the powers that be seemed
well aware of their most lucrative asset: The roguish good looks of Heath Ledger.
"Oh, I would hear you speak if it cost me my ears."
The film's campaign centered around the actor, and it was apparently the first time he felt
extreme discomfort about his rising fame.
In I Am Heath Ledger, Steve Alexander explained how the actor would fidget during interviews
and would ask to be excused to cope.
Speaking to Vanity Fair, Alexander elaborated that Ledger was afraid of becoming a celebrity
whose fame would overshadow his talent and limit his options.
Instead, he wanted to keep his personal life to himself, and to excel at his craftsman,
Alexander explained, adding,
"He was striving to become an illusionist.
[Someone] able to create characters that weren't there."
On top of being an accomplished actor, Heath Ledger was apparently keeping another couple
of talents in his back pocket.
Screenwriter Allan Scott told Independent that he and the actor were developing a film
adaptation of Walter Tevis' chess prodigy novel The Queen's Gambit before his death.
The movie was to be the actor's feature-length directorial debut, with Scott assuring the
newspaper,
"I think he would have been an extraordinary director."
But there was one other talent Ledger was apparently nurturing: According to the outlet,
he was a high ranking chess player who was within reach of becoming a grandmaster.
Although he once told MTV that he played at least one game of chess everyday, the extent
of his skill set for the intellectual game wasn't exactly common knowledge until after
he'd died.
At least, not to the public.
As his ex-girlfriend Naomi Watts told Interview,
"He was a huge, obsessive, chess freak — and very, very good at it."
Following his death, it was touchingly revealed that Ledger was also no stranger to Washington
Square Park's legendary chess world in New York, where a couple of the board regulars
spoke fondly of him.
63-year-old Earl Biggs — who watched Ledger play — recalled to People that the actor
seemed nice and would often lose.
Regardless, Biggs explained,
"He just had fun.
He loved it."
Heath Ledger's maniacal performance as The Joker in director Christopher Nolan's The
Dark Knight remains his most iconic and beloved role, with the performance receiving a posthumous
Oscar win in 2009.
"It's not about money.
It's about sending a message."
Released six months after his death, however, the majority of the actor's keen inspirations
for and details about his performance were accomplished without Ledger being able to
share them directly with the world.
In I Am Heath Ledger, the actor's voice coach and friend Gerry Grennell shared that one
of the character's signature tics — wherein the Joker punctuates gestures and statements
with a keen lick of his lips — was one born of practicality.
Because the prosthetics required for his scarred cheeks would detach as he spoke, the actor
would repeatedly lick his lips to quickly reseal the special effect, giving the clown
prince of crime his jarring mannerisms.
It was a decision which made sense given Ledger's naturalistic approach to the character.
According to Nolan, the actor was heavily involved in guiding the aesthetic of the character,
including applying his makeup.
"As an actor, he'd say, 'Okay, this character would put his makeup on in real life, so what
would that look like?'"
The result was a wonderfully crude take on Gotham's cruelest criminal — a man whose
mask of proud anarchism was smeared onto his own face by Ledger's hand.
"Let's put a smile on that face."
In the tabloid furor following Heath Ledger's death, outlets like Metro and The Sydney Morning
Herald ran stories suggesting that the dedicated actor had sunk too deeply into his dark performance
as The Joker, and that it had killed him.
As his family and co-stars argued, however, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Ledger's The Dark Knight co-star Christian Bale told Today that he found such reports
rude and suggested that though the actor immersed himself in his role, it didn't harm him in
some way.
Bale said,
"He was having a wonderful time making this movie.
I say he couldn't have been happier."
"Why so serious?"
While speaking at a panel event for I Am Heath Ledger, the actor's sisters Kate Ledger and
Ashleigh Bell similarly suggested that the star was having the time of his life depicting
The Joker.
So, when stories came out portraying Heath as being depressed because of the role, they
were shocked.
Kate said,
"Honestly, it was the absolute opposite.
He was having fun.
He wasn't depressed about The Joker."
Speaking to News.com.au, Kate further dismissed allegations that her brother had a darkness
to him and explained,
"He was a really happy person and he had huge plans for his future.
[...] I know he had plans for another Batman."
Four months prior to his death, Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams split amid speculation
from an unnamed source that their relationship had been, quote, "rocky for a while," according
to People.
Though the breakup was described as amicable by the outlet, details emerged following the
star's death potentially suggesting otherwise.
People reported that a rift was caused between the two due to Ledger being drawn into a party
scene.
It was reportedly a lifestyle from which Williams wanted to protect their daughter, Matilda.
People's senior editor JD Heyman claimed to Access Hollywood that Ledger used drugs, something
which he said was not compatible with parenting in Williams' view.
Director Terry Gilliam told Vanity Fair that the breakup was hard on Ledger, but the worst
part was the custody dispute regarding his daughter.
Still, could a reconciliation have been possible?
In her memoir, This Will Only Hurt A Little, Busy Philipps — godmother to Matilda, and
Williams' best friend — wrote that she always thought they might figure things out.
Tragically, we'll never know.
Reflecting on the final weeks of Heath Ledger's life, the actor's friend and dialect coach
Gerry Grennell recalled to People that deeply sad after his split from Williams.
The voice coach had spent some time living with Ledger in his apartment prior to his
death, and told the outlet that the actor seemed exhausted.
Unable to sleep, Ledger would apparently wander around his apartment.
Grennell's account is seemingly backed up by an interview Ledger gave to The New York
Times two months before his death, wherein he confessed to having slept about two hours
a night because he couldn't get his mind to quiet down.
According to Williams, Ledger's restless brain wasn't anything new, however.
She told Interview,
"For as long as I'd known him, he'd had bouts with insomnia.
He just had too much energy.
His mind was turning, turning, turning — always turning."
During the filming of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, director Terry Gilliam likewise
recalled to Vanity Fair that Ledger would arrive for work exhausted because he hadn't
slept.
But through his performance, he was able to resurrect himself and would be "glowing" by
the end of the day.
Gilliam explained,
"It was like everything was put into the work because that was the joy; that's what he loved
to do."
"You know, I don't know my name, You know, I don't know how I got here."
Almost immediately after Heath Ledger's death was reported, tabloids began circulating stories
which alleged that the actor may have had a history of misusing drugs and alcohol.
In one particularly damning piece published by the Daily Mail, a woman called Rebecca
White — described as being a close friend — alleged the actor was a partier whose
use of cocaine and heroin had destroyed his relationship with Michelle Williams.
The same day the Daily Mail piece was published, footage appearing to show Ledger supposedly
snorting what looked like cocaine at an after party for the 2006 SAG Awards began circulating,
according to Boston.com.
In the video, the star reportedly talked about how he used to often smoke weed, and how he
was going to, quote, "get so much s---" from Williams for using drugs.
While the tabloids picked at the bones of such unpleasant spectacle, another image of
Ledger emerged: A man trying to make life changes, and succeeding.
Cinematographer Nicola Pecorini told Vanity Fair that Ledger stopped using drugs the second
that discussions about custody over his daughter were brought up.
He told the outlet,
"He was so [...] clean that he didn't drink a glass of wine anymore."
Meanwhile, David Krumholtz told The New York Times that he'd reconnected with the star
prior to his death and saw a changed man, explaining,
"I know for a fact he was in recovery prior to his death.
He was trying to get healthy."
The tabloid scrutiny surrounding Heath Ledger's death pivoted around the way he died: An accidental
overdose of prescription drugs, and an underlying mystery as to where and how he procured all
of them.
According to ABC News, however, the medications which killed the actor — a combination of
painkillers, anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills — were all found to have been prescribed
lawfully, though they should never have been taken together.
Speaking to the Daily Mail, his father, Kim Ledger, described the tragedy of his son's
death as being Heath's own fault.
He also told News.com.au that Heath's sister Kate Ledger had warned him not to mix medications
he knew nothing about, saying,
"He said, 'Katie, Katie, I'll be fine.'
Well, that's a cavalier boy's answer.
It just put his whole system to sleep I guess."
The late actor's father noted in a statement that he hoped his son's death would serve
a cautionary warning about the hidden dangers of combining prescription medications, even
at low dosages.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available.
Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact
SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).