Geoffrey here. If you were to ask me,
what is the one skill you need to learn that if you learn the skill,
you can really resolve 90% of the issues that you're having in your
relationship,
help you reconcile and help you restore that hope and the positivity that you
need in your relationship.
It's really the skill of being able to bring up the discussion of the very
difficult topics to get a deep understanding on them and to also resolve them
with finding win-win solutions. And when I say win-win solutions here,
I don't mean compromise this where it's more win, lose, or lose, win,
or lose lose is more of a win-win. And if this is something that you want to do,
then I want you to stick around to the very end of this video,
because I'm going to show you one of the many frameworks that we teach our
clients in our relationship or our program.
And this is the framework that I've never shared before in any of my videos.
And this framework has really worked wonderfully in all of my client's life and
also in my life as well. And I'm sure that it will do wonders for you as well.
Once you understand what this framework is, and if you're new to this channel,
my name is Geoffrey and I help men in long-term relationships are in marriages
with the right skills, for the right mindsets,
to be able to design a thriving relationship for yourself.
So if you want more content on this topic,
then I want you to subscribe to this channel and click the bell button as well,
to be notified when I post new videos every single week.
And before we begin this video,
I want to let you know that the registration for their free masterclass on the
five proven steps to rebuilding your relationship from the ground up is still
open. So you want to join the masterclass.
We should just stick around until the very end of this video for the
announcement on that, to begin a discussion,
I want to show you how the average people thinks and why a lot of people,
especially a lot of relationships have such a difficult time resolving conflicts
and why divorce rates and, you know,
relationships breaking down at such a high rate right now.
And what I'm about to say here may sound a bit technical,
but I promise you once you understand it at the end of this video,
it will really just be simple for you to understand. So the first thing is,
I want you to imagine this circle here,
and this circle really represents what we call your hypothesis.
So what is your hypothesis?
Your hypothesis is simply your assumptions of what you know, to be true,
what you know to be right, what, you know, to be sensible, to be logical,
what should be basically what you think is smart and so on.
So in the context of your current lives right now, this could be, you know,
your partner is wanting a divorce,
but you're thinking of why divorce is a bad idea.
So if you are thinking about why divorce is a bad idea,
because you think is right,
that's you really thinking from this hypothetic or from your hypothesis,
or let's say that your partner and you has a different idea or opinion on what
decision is right, or what decision is wrong.
And you think a decision that she's about to make is wrong. Again,
when you think about that decision being wrong,
you're really thinking from your hypothesis here.
And when I talked to a lot of people,
I find that a lot of people have a mistaken definition or a mistaken
sense of what makes a great communicator and that they think that great
communicators have good hypothesis. So for example,
we tend to praise people who can read between the lines,
who can read people.
And basically we glorify people who can somehow make all the right
assumptions from the get-go.
So essentially we are trained as a society to praise people for having the right
hypothesis. That it's good,
that you can form the right hypothesis and trust your hypothesis.
And if your hypothesis is always right, that's a sign of a great communicator.
We also praise people for having very strong opinions about certain matters as
well. In fact, if you have very few opinions of something in your life,
then you're kind of labeled as boring.
You're kind of labeled as kind of a dud where you don't have any opinions about
everything because you're not very intelligent or perhaps you're very boring.
So again, this is another example of how, as a society,
we like to praise people who form very strong hypotheses about certain
topics,
and that if you don't form a hypothesis about every topic imaginable in life,
that it means that you don't stand for something or that you're just boring or
very unintelligent or ignorant. Even finally,
we also praise people who are very assertive.
We like people who know what they want.
We like people for strong in their thinking who are strong about their positions
in life. And if you don't do this, you're seen as weak. And again,
this is another example of how we like people.
We think people with good hypothesis actually are great communicators and
you know, very successful people and so on. And because of this,
most of us have really learned to communicate only via our hypothesis.
So if you break down how a lot of couples talk,
so let's say they're having a decision to make about something.
And both of them disagree on their decisions.
You'll find that this is how the conversation usually goes.
You might start by telling your partner about your hypothesis of
why your idea is right. Why are ideas smart?
Why your idea is sensible and so on. So you might say, okay, well,
here's five reasons why I should,
why we should do what I think we should do while your idea is bad.
Then their partner usually responds by telling about their hypothesis to,
or why their ideas, right? So they might say, Oh, well,
I hear what you're saying about. Here's really why my ideas, right?
And so essentially,
most people are communicating by communicating their hypothesis.
Then the response I get is the hypothesis of the other side. And if you do this,
you'll find that whenever your hypothesis don't meet. So let's say you are,
you think a certain idea is right, cheating, certain ideas, right?
And they don't match up. Then that's when you butt heads. That's when you clash.
That's when you try to find a compromise or a lose lose,
because you can never really resolve conflicts.
If both of you are thinking via your hypothesis is just impossible that way.
So if that doesn't work, if communicating via our hypothesis and work,
then let's talk about how good communicators actually operate and to understand
how good communities operate. I want you to understand how good scientists,
good problem solvers in life actually find good solutions and good win-wins and
the truth to everything that they do.
So if you look at really good scientists and the good scientific process,
good scientists never just seek to prove a hypothesis.
So we learn in school basically, Oh, if you want to have a science experiment,
you gotta have a hypothesis.
And then your experiment is designed for you to test whether your hypothesis is
correct, but good scientists. Don't just try to prove a hypothesis.
They also try to prove their anti-thesis.
So let's add another circle here called the NTI thesis.
So what is the anti-thesis basically your anti-thesis is the opposite of
your hypothesis.
So it's what you don't know is what you think is wrong is what you don't
understand is what you're missing,
what you're not considering when you're not thinking about.
And so on is everything that is exact opposite of your hypothesis here.
And essentially, what good problem solvers,
what good scientists do is didn't only try to prove their hypothesis and they
try to pay attention to proving that hypothesis,
but they actually take more curiosity into their entire thesis.
And this is why true business leaders.
They tend to ask a lot of questions and they tend to ask a lot of antithetic
questions to really understand, to diagnose the full spectrum of the problem.
And once they understand the full spectrum of the problem,
they can finally have a good solution to it. It's how negotiators ask questions.
When you look at negotiators, they don't ask hypothetical questions.
They ask antithetical questions to really find a win-win with the person they're
negotiating with. And as we mentioned,
this is how scientists find really amazing breakthroughs in their careers,
in their lives.
And this is how great communicators in relationships communicate as well.
They don't communicate via their hypothesis.
They communicate via their entire thesis.
And what a lot of scientists find is that once you really,
truly in generally explore both your hypothesis and your entire thesis,
we can have a new circle here in the middle, which is your synthesis.
This is the win-win, this is the truth. This is the solution.
So in the context of science,
this is when you are finally finding some breakthrough,
truce breakthrough scientific theories that are new,
and the context of business. This is when you find a win-win solution,
a great business solution to any problem that you face.
And in the context of relationships,
the synthesis is when you get to find win-win solutions to any of
your problems, to any of the conflicts,
and you really get on the same page and find win-wins,
this is where you no longer in the realm of compromises or lose, lose,
but this is where you find true. Win-wins the synthesis.
But one thing we must understand here is that in order for us to get it to a
synthesis in order for any scientist,
any business leader and in your relationship,
the only way you can find the synthesis is if you first get out of your
hypothesis and find your anti thesis.
So if you're simply thinking and speaking,
like how most people do it from your hypothesis,
then you can never really find your sentences because you have never found your
anti-thesis. But if you're able to explore your NTTS and find the right NTT,
then the synthesis you will find comes a lot more naturally.
So if you understand this principle,
the hypothesis anti-thesis synthesis principle of resolving conflicts,
finding, understanding, and dealing with difficult topics in life,
then we can understand what is called a hypothesis entitys its framework.
And this is again,
one of the frameworks that we use in our program to really get you to dance
around conversation. So you can always find your anti-US thesis.
So you can always find a synthesis at the end of the day.
And as the name suggests,
the hypothesis anti-thesis framework is actually quite simple.
So whenever you are trying to bring up anything difficult,
any topic that is difficult, that is since seems to be sensitive.
That seems to be tough.
You can use this framework and you can start this framework by simply stating
your hypothesis. So let's say, you know,
you're having a decision with your partner here and you want to do X Panera
wants to do Y so you have two different opinions of what to do.
How'd you can start this as by telling your hypothesis of why X will work.
So you can say, honey, well,
I know you want it to do Y here's my thoughts on why X will work.
I think X will be a better idea. So that's the first part,
but it doesn't end there because the next step is you need to admit that your
hypothesis here could and may be wrong. So once you say that, you can say,
but you know, I may not be thinking about everything there is to think about.
My assumptions could be wrong about this. My decision could be wrong about this.
You may be thinking about something that I'm not seeing,
that I'm not considering. So again, here,
you're admitting that while you might have your hypothesis,
you're admitting that there's also an anti-thesis to your hypothesis and that
your hypothesis could be completely wrong.
And I want you to let your partner explain their anti-thesis.
So you can just end this with, what do you think? Tell me more about your side.
If let's say your partner wants to divorce right now,
and you don't want a divorce right now, you might lean in by saying, okay,
honey, well,
here's kind of my thinking on why we should at least wait,
three months or six months before we really settle on this.
Divorce is going to be a big issue.
Financially is going to be a big issue in our kids.
And so before we make a big decision like this,
I'm thinking we should take at least six months before we make a decision like
this,
but it seems like you're not on the same page that you want to do this now.
So perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps my assumptions are wrong.
Perhaps I'm not figuring something out that you're thinking about.
So tell me more about from your side,
how come you're not as periodontal as this as I am.
And essentially this framework can really be applied every single time.
You are a conflicted about something. You are confused about her behavior.
You are a patient about a disagreement you have within your relationship.
Because when you're confused, when you're conflicted,
when you're impatient by definition,
it means that our hypothesis isn't really matching reality.
And whenever I apotheosis, isn't really matching reality.
That means that there must be an anti-thesis we're missing.
And so whenever there's an anti thesis we're missing,
we want to use the hypothesis anti-thesis framework to really discover our
entire thesis. So we can find a synthesis.
And this is such a powerful framework to do because one,
it really pre validates her ideas.
So when I say to my partner, but maybe I'm the wrong one,
maybe I'm not considering something you're considering it's already pre
validating her ideas. And when you pre validate someone like that,
it really helps people open up because it tells people that you're here and
ready to listen to what they have to say. Next, it shows humility on your side.
And whenever you show humility,
it will show people that you're actually here to listen to understand,
and not just to impose your ideas.
It's a gentle way of bringing up conversations is a,
it's a gentle way of continuing conversations too.
So once your partner responds to your first initial hypothesis
anti-thesis framework,
you can use that same framework to continue and carry on the conversation over
time. So to give you a quick example of how you can carry this and chain,
this together is for example, if I ask my partner, Hey,
it seems like you want to make decision. Why? Well,
here's why I think decision X could be a good idea, but maybe I'm wrong.
Tell me more from your side. And she says, well,
here's why my idea is great in her response.
You might disagree with something else as well.
So you can take that and you can apply the same framework to ask more questions
on that. So you can say, okay,
that the reason why you want to do why is because of ABC, I guess for me,
ABC, isn't really an important thing, but maybe I'm wrong. There.
Maybe there's reasons that I'm not thinking about of why ABC is actually more
important than I think it is. Tell me more about why you think ABC is support.
So hopefully you'll see here just how powerful this framework is and how
versatile it is. And only letting you start difficult conversations,
but also help you to carry a conversation throughout until you find a deeper
understanding between the two of you.
And once you continue this framework and you find that true and Ty thesis of the
anti-thesis that you missing, you'll find that your synthesis, your solutions,
your win-wins will come to you like a flash of lightning,
or just come to you more naturally the same,
because you have found both your hypothesis and your anti-thesis.
And when you have that, your synthesis will come a lot more naturally. Now,
I want to caution you here that while this is a very versatile framework,
it's not the only framework.
So this is only one framework that we learned in our program of many,
and in order to truly dance around every single conversation in your
relationship, and really take every direction to build a safety,
to build that trust.
You need to have a mastery of all the frameworks of many frameworks that allows
you to be able to artfully respond and the millions of iterations that our
conversation can go in your relationship. And the other caution too,
is that the frameworks here are not everything that you understand in the
frameworks is really just less than 5% of what it takes to reconcile in your
relationship.
Because if you have the wrong mindset and it doesn't matter how many frameworks,
you know,
you can never be poised enough emotionally to be able to carry out those
frameworks properly. So for example,
you can learn all the along the hypothesis anti-thesis framework.
You can learn all day long, how to listen,
but once you have the wrong interpretation, once you have the wrong thought,
once you get emotional,
there's no way you can be patient enough to carry out the hypothesis antitrust
framework for very long.
There's no way you can listen and actually listen with the intent to listen,
because you're already emotionally distraught.
So in our relationships to rebel program,
these frameworks and the mindset needed to execute these frameworks properly.
It's something that we discuss in depth,
and it's something that all our students have truly,
truly mastered because of this.
They're not only able to bring up any difference topics,
that conversation they want to bring up, but they can carry the conversation.
They can progress the conversation in a way that allows them to find deep
understanding. And once they find deep understanding,
they can finally find win-wins.
And the more of these win-wins the more discovery you have,
the more you can deepen the bond with your partner and the more positivity and
hope you can create in your relationship that can help you reconcile and
retract your partner eventually.
So if you want to learn the frameworks and these mindsets that I want you to
join me in my free masterclass on the five proven steps to rebuilding your
relationship from the ground up in this master class,
I will show you the exact processes that all my students have used to rebuild
their relationship from the ground up to really find their entire thesis and
really understand how to find the citizens are win-wins all day long.
And at the end of this master class,
you'll also have the opportunity to apply for the relationships with rebel
program. So if you're interested in learning more about this,
learning more about this frameworks and the mindsets,
then I want you to join me in the masterclass by clicking the link above my
head,
or also down in the comments or in the description box below this video as well.
And again, if you want to apply for the program,
you can apply for the program at the end of that masterclass as well. Now,
if you want a free guide that can help you guide and lead conversations better
and learn another one of my frameworks that you can use to guide conversations
better. Then I want you to download the guide I have for you above my head,
also down in the comments below or in the description box below this video as
well. And if you want to join a community where you can post your questions and
actually get good advice from myself or a member of my team,
then I want you to join me in my free Facebook group.
And you can join that by clicking the link below this video. In the meantime,
leave a comment below with what you thought was most insightful in this video.
I would love to hear from you.
And if you found this video helpful and eyeopening,
that I want you to subscribe to this channel and like this video as well.
If you want to see more content like this one in the meantime,
I will leave you with this two other videos with more skills and mindsets and
frameworks for you be able to design a thriving relationship for the long haul
for now. I'll see you in the next video.