-I'm happy you're here.
-Happy to be here, man. I want to shake your hand again.
-Thanks, man. I love it.
-This is our eighth appearance, right?
-Yes. -More than Andy Cohen!
-That's right! -What's up, Andy?!
Nah. Just kidding. We're friends.
-"What's up, Andy?" -Andy's our guy.
-Yeah. Is it more than --
You guys been on the show more than Andy Cohen?
-Uh, no, Andy might be the one person
that has more appearances than us,
but we're coming for that title.
-Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. See? Come on.
Well, you're allowed on any time you guys want.
Because I appreciate it. I know you just --
We're back. Summer's over. -Yeah.
-Did you have a good summer? Did you do anything cool?
-Summer was pretty chill. -What'd you do?
-Uh, I went on vacation. I went to Europe and Hawaii.
-Oh, really? -But I did, like, the real --
I didn't do the usual -- You know, when you're from
New York City, going on vacation
just means go to Florida and get mad drunk.
I went on an educational trip. I went to art museums.
I did mushrooms in Amsterdam. You know...
-You know what I mean? "Eat Pray Thug."
You know what I'm saying? -"Eat Pray Thug." Yeah.
You did -- You had a trip through Europe.
-Trip through Europe. Went to France. Went to Amsterdam.
There's lots of countries out there. Who knew?
So, uh -- Amsterdam. You know, I was like,
"I am gonna do something positive."
So I went to the art museum.
Before I went, I took all these mushrooms.
-Desus, this is bad news.
-You know what? Uh, yeah, yeah.
It was one of those things -- Like, after I did it,
I was like, "This is terrible." -Yeah.
I had to call Showtime.
I was like, "I've made a huge mistake. I'm sorry."
-Yeah. Things were all just, like, moving around?
-At first, it was cool. I was like, "Oh, art. This is cool.
It's, like, pictures and stuff."
And then, like, the pictures started whispering to me.
-"Hey. Just take me off the wall. I'm invading your house."
-I was like, "Wait." I got into a dance-off with Rembrandt.
I was like, "Oh, wow."
"A'ight. I got you. I got you." It was a good time.
-That's fun. That's fun.
And then -- Now, it's a lot of
back-to-school time here in New York City.
-Oh, yeah. -I was just seeing if there's
any memories that you guys have, Mero,
of going back to school.
Do you remember any memories
of going back to school in September?
-I just remember my freshman year of high school
and being terrified.
Because everybody coming out of junior high was like,
"Freshman Friday, bro. Freshman Friday.
If you're not an upper classman, you get your ass kicked, bro.
They're gonna come get you." -That's what Freshman Friday is?
-"Yeah, they're gonna jump you. They're gonna steal your bookbag, steal your lunch.
They're gonna give you a wedgie, put your head in the toilet."
-No. -You know what I'm sayin'?
-I feel like Freshman Friday, outside New York City,
they help the freshmen.
They're like, "Hey, this is your classes.
"This is where you buy your books."
-"I'm your buddy."
-In the Bronx, it's like, "This is old milk! Pshh!"
"Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'm a junior!"
-But what did you -- What'd you do?
-Well, what happened was I got lucky,
and between eighth grade and my freshman year,
I grew like ten inches and grew a mustache.
So I would just lie to everybody.
And I was like, "I'm a -- I'm a junior.
I'm just mad dumb. I'm, like, in English One.
So like -- You know what I'm sayin'?
I'm not a freshman. At all."
-And did people buy it? -Hell yeah, they bought it.
I was mad tall. -Really?
-I was like, "Yo, swim on me. Do something."
-Look at the evidence. -Look at that.
-Is this you right here? -Mm-hmm.
Boom! -Right there.
-Look at the stache!
My beard did not connect at this point.
-Also, this photo was taken with a potato? Like...
-This is -- Yo, for everybody under 25,
back in the day, you used to actually
have to take a photo with a camera,
then take that camera and put it into a device called a scanner,
and scan it onto your computer.
It was wild. -It's wild stuff.
-Wild stuff.
-NFL season kicked off, as well, tonight.
Kendall was a cheerleader. You guys ever play football?
Either one of you? -Yeah. I mean...
-I had a weird thing going on at my school.
Like, they rebuilt our football field in the Bronx,
and something happened, and the mafia got involved,
and they didn't build it up to code,
so we couldn't play football for a whole season.
-Wait. I'm sorry.
-Google Herbert H. Lehman High School.
BX all day. You know what it is.
-Wait. So, walk me through. So they --
-It was -- I think it was something like 4 feet short
of an actual legitimate football field.
So any time they wanted to play football,
they had to go to another school to play on their actual field.
-So, they'd start the play at your thing
then run and finish the play at the other...?
-"And he's going. And he's going. Hold on."
-"Oh, he's catching the ball at the White Castle!"
-And then you go, "Excuse me. You can't play football."
-"Hey, uh, let me tell ya somethin'."
-"You guys wanna pay a little extra to get the extra 4 feet?
You said you want two touchdowns, huh?"
-Did you -- Did you
ever use the football field at all for that year?
-Just a lot of walking around,
just figuring life shouldn't be like this.
-Speed-walking. Checkin' your steps.
-Just go out and walk? -Just walk.
-So the football team would just go out
and just walk around the field? -Yeah.
We didn't even have pads or anything, you know?
-Did you have cheerleaders or pep rallies or anything?
-We had cheerleaders, but they were just wearing street clothes.
They were just like, "Hey."
-They're like, "Hey, the bus come in ten minutes."
-"We don't have a team." Yeah.
-We'd have pep rallies, but they weren't really for games.
They were just like, "Hey, we're in school, so..."
-At the end of the pep rally -- -Enjoy the free lunch.
-The end of the pep rally just ended with a handshake,
and you just went on the bus and went home.
-But you -- -I actually made the team.
I made the team, and then I realized
that I like to hang out with girls and smoke weed way more.
And the coach was like,
"Oh, but we got to practice X amount of times a week."
And I was like, "I am not doing that."
I was, like, the first diva receiver ever.
-So you were like, "That's it. I'm out."
-I held out for the entire duration
of my high-school career.
I didn't report to minicamp or homeroom.
-It's not like they kept calling you every day and like --
-They did. They were like, "Where you -- where are you?!"
"We need you!" And I was like, "No, no, no.
Meet my demands, or I'm not coming."
-"Meet me demands."