-Our first guest tonight is an Emmy-nominated actor and writer
you know from his work on "The X-Files" and "Californication."
His graphic novel "Kepler" hits shelves December 27th,
and he stars in "The Estate," which is in theaters now
and available on demand November 22nd.
Let's take a look.
-Oh, God.
He is coming to stay.
-No. -What's up?!
-For [bleep] sake, not you too.
-I came as soon as I got Aunt Hilda's e-mail
about her diagnosis.
So sad.
-You and Aunt Hilda e-mail each other?
-Yeah, totes. We e-mail, text, WhatsApp, all the apps.
I wouldn't lose touch with Aunt Hilda.
I'm not a complete idiot.
Macy, mercy.
You are looking merty, merty, merty fine.
-Please welcome back to the show
our friend David Duchovny, everyone.
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Welcome back. -Thank you.
You know, coming back to this building reminds me
I used to bartend at Radio City Music Hall.
-Did you really? -Right after college, yeah.
I did a lot of catering. Did you ever do catering?
-I waited tables. I never catered, yeah.
-So we would set up these --
just set up a bar for intermission.
That's all we could do, just the intermission.
But I saw all these great bands come and play.
I saw, you know, Bette Midler, who was amazing, and Peter Allen
and Bryan Ferry, and I saw Prince.
And I would like to show you how Prince did sound check.
-Okay. Great.
-This was like the 1999 tour.
He was Prince, but he wasn't, like, Prince.
And not everybody knew him.
And I watched him do sound check,
and he had on a long, like, overcoat.
And he would do this -- The band would be playing,
and he would, like, sidle through the chairs to here.
[ Laughter ] And then he'd go like this.
And then he'd go over here. Then he'd go --
[ Laughter ]
That's Prince doing a sound check.
[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]
-That's actually -- If you ever have the opportunity
to audition for "SNL," where they will say,
"Do you have impressions or characters?"
I think a really funny impression would be
"This is Prince doing a sound check."
-It's almost Andy Kaufman-esque.
-It's very Andy Kaufman-esque. -Yes. Yeah.
-It is wonderful to have you here.
This is a film about a greedy family
fighting over an inheritance. -Good for Thanksgiving.
-Very good Thanksgiving film. You look very sleazy,
and the mustache is fantastic, and I believe your own.
-That is my own mustache. -Yeah, very well done.
You can tell a fake one, and yours is very --
-You can. You can.
It was thicker than I imagined. I didn't know I had it in me.
-Did you really? [ Laughter ]
So at no point have you grown one?
-Not like that. -Yeah.
-That baby was majestic.
[ Laughter ] -How long did it take?
How many hours are you putting into that?
-That's personal. -Okay, gotcha.
[ Laughter ] Well, once an actor gives away
a secret like that, everybody has the mustache.
-Yeah, I don't have many secrets.
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I grew everything,
and then we had a big powwow in the makeup trailer
with the director before going out there.
And I was like, "What's the funniest facial hair
we can get to?" -Yeah.
-It wasn't about what's the best facial hair?
What's the funniest facial hair?
We ended up on that fuller brush kind of thing over my lip.
But it was very similar to another moment because there's
a moment in the film where we get this guy to expose his --
his, uh -- -Yeah.
-His penis. -Yep.
[ Laughter ]
What was the word you were looking for before?
[ Laughter ]
-I think I was looking for that.
[ Applause ]
So the director was kind enough to involve me
in the conversations about what is the best penis. Well, no.
-The prosthetic? -Yes. He had a tray of penises.
-Really? -Yeah.
-How many did they give you to select from?
What are we talking? Five?
-I think it was four or five. -Okay.
-And the discussion wasn't -- Best penis is misleading.
It was like what's the funniest penis.
-Yeah. -Which is a different
conversation than what's the best penis.
-Yeah. -So we were kind of --
-Yeah, I don't think there's a single guy out there
who is telling the ladies, "It's so funny."
[ Laughter ]
-"You got to see it." -"You gotta see --
You are going to die laughing."
-Oh, my God. [ Laughter ]
"I kind of want to show you at dinner, but we can wait."
-"We can wait. We can wait."
-So, like, we're kind of like, "Hmm." We got a tray there.
We're like, you know, giving it the 360.
But I felt like, you know, moments I'm sure you've had
in your life where you're like -- showbiz moments
where like, "I've kind of made it"?
Well, when I was asked to judge the funniest penis, I felt --
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, you know, this is one of those moments.
-Right. I think because it's only sort of like
above-the-title the title actors or actresses
who get to make a choice like that.
They don't let anybody --
-Yeah, Meryl Streep is always the one, like --
[ Laughter ]
She's a famous judge of penises.
-An incredible eye for it. An incredible eye for it.
-Sad penis too. -Sad penis, yeah.
Well, she's done a lot -- does a lot of dramas.
So then you're like, "Which is the saddest?"
[ Laughs ]
-Sophie's penis. -Sophie's penis.
Oh, man. [ Laughter ]
-How many times can we say it?
[ Laughter ]
-No, no, that is Sophie's penis.
There's two penises.
[ Laughter ]
-And you have to give one up.
[ Laughter ]
-You know, it's weird. In my head, I'm like, "How --"
I don't remember how we got here, but it did make sense.
I have a lot more to ask you.
We'll be right back with more from David Duchovny.