- So your ex just reached out to you.
What do you do?
(dramatic music)
- [Voiceover] What, are you nuts?
- Do you take them back?
Do you explore things? Do you ignore them?
There's a crazy phenomenon that is like clockwork
that happens in relationships.
After you've broken up, and maybe it was a hard breakup,
maybe it was emotional,
maybe you were still emotionally connected to that person
for a long time,
but when you finally do the work
to get free of that past relationship
and you're finally directing your energy forward,
you're ready to meet someone new, it's predictable
that that ex will reach back out.
At that moment, you'll get a text,
you'll get a call, you'll get a message on social that says,
"Hey, how are you doing? I was thinking about you."
Now, if you don't know about this phenomenon,
it's because the energetic cord that you had
that was a connection to that past relationship,
when you finally heal from that relationship
and are ready for something new, you bring that energy back.
It's like cutting that cord and you send that energy forward
and that ex is gonna feel,
they won't be consciously aware of this,
but what'll happen is they'll feel that loss of energy
and their subconscious mind
will want to reach out to reestablish it.
And they'll think, "Oh," and they'll think of you
'cause that's where the energy was coming from
and so that's what causes them to reach out.
The question is, is it the right idea to get back together?
What's the motivation that they have
and how do you make that determination?
This happens quite frequently
in my Manifest Your Man coaching program
'cause women will come in, of course,
to want to manifest a new relationship.
And often the thing that's been holding them back
is while they've consciously done the work
to get over that past relationship,
there's still subconscious energetic cords
connecting them to that past relationship.
So working through this proven system,
they cut all those cords
and then within a matter of weeks, sometimes months,
sure enough, we'll have this ex conversation.
One of my clients was saying,
"So my ex reached back out to me.
I'm not sure if I should give this person another chance.
Maybe they've changed,
maybe they've grown, the reasons we broke up.
I remember there was a bunch of good times."
And so I took her through a process
that I wanna share with you right here
that if you're in this experience,
there's some tools that you can use
that can really create clarity on your path forward.
The first thing is to be aware that our brains
will often delete and distort past information.
And what do I mean by delete and distort?
For some reason, our brains will not remember. Delete.
It will cause us to not think
about the major pain moments of that relationship,
or it will distort them and make them not so bad.
I heard someone say once that this is actually
what helps the human race propagate.
Because if women could vividly remember
how painful childbirth is,
they would never have a second child.
And I thought, "Well, maybe that's the reason."
Regardless of where it comes from, we know that it exists.
And so be aware that your brain's gonna delete and distort.
So what you wanna do is you want to cause yourself
to get a full assessment of that relationship.
One of the best things you can do
after you break up with someone is to journal
all the reasons this relationship ended,
the reasons that this isn't a good fit.
You can also journal the good things about it,
but make sure that you're clear
on the reasons it's not a good fit.
So first thing you wanna do
when this person comes back into your life is journal that.
Why did we break up?
Cause yourself to think about the real pain
from that relationship because that's gonna be a guide.
If you are gonna give it another chance,
you wanna make sure that those patterns
don't replicate themselves, that they don't repeat
in the new version of this relationship.
So that's the first thing that you do,
is write a list of why it ended.
The second thing you do is write a vision for what you want.
What kind of relationship do you want
regardless of this person,
irrespective of them being the person in your vision?
Because what you wanna do is have this beautiful vision
of the quality of the relationship you want
and that vision is gonna feel a certain kinda way.
That vision is gonna have what we call
an energetic signature to it.
And then when you're reengaged with talking with your ex
and sort of exploring things, you'll be able to notice,
does that feeling with your ex
match the feeling of this new vision in the relationship?
And let's say you go through both of those processes
and you're still not sure what you should do,
which direction you should take.
The third tool is called the crossroads exercise.
And this is a beautiful meditation
that I will lead my clients through
that helps give them clarity about what feels life-giving.
And so what I'll do is I'll set this up
and then I'll actually walk you through right here,
right now, the crossroads experience.
And so if there's ever a moment where you're wondering
what direction you should go, you can come back
and experience this particular part of this video.
You can just fast forward to this part
and then give yourself this full experience.
So the crossroads is this.
You imagine that you're at the beginning of a crossroads
and there's two directions.
You make one of those directions, one decision;
the other direction, the other decision.
And you imaginably walk down the path of each of these
and notice how you feel at the end of that path.
And you come back to the start, walk down the other path,
notice how you feel.
And one of those two paths is gonna feel life-giving.
Too often, we try to make decisions
without invoking our intuition.
Now your intuition is not just ideas
that you see in your mind or a voice you hear.
Your intuition also lives in your body.
And you know what direction to go by,
what feels life-giving,
because life-giving decisions
lead to more life-giving experiences, life-giving results.
Something that feels maybe logically it looks good,
is bright and shiny, but internally it feels heavy,
it feels tight, it feels stressful.
All of those energies
you wanna really pay attention to those
because if it feels that way in the outset,
it's gonna lead to more constriction in your life.
So here we go.
Think right now about a decision that you wanna make.
And it might be that an ex has come right back
into your life at this moment and you're wondering,
do I move forward with this person or not?
And so I invite you right now to go ahead
and close your eyes
and picture in your mind's eye a crossroads
and picture yourself in nature
and these two paths moving in two different directions.
And as you're standing there in your mind's eye,
I invite you to take a beautiful deep breath in,
(inhales deeply)
and relax your body.
And remember that you are supported, you are guided,
you are connected right now in this moment
to infinite intelligence.
And so imagine that on the right side of this path
is the decision to get back together with this individual
and take a step in that direction
and feel what it feels like to be back with this person.
Go down the path.
Notice how the relationship unfolds.
Notice yourself past the honeymoon stage.
Notice yourself now into the rhythm of the relationship
and the daily life together.
How you communicate, how you spend time together,
the good times that you have,
how you work through challenges.
See in your mind's eye, notice this relationship
and drop into your heart space and notice how it feels.
And now in your imagination, bring yourself right back
to the beginning of the crossroads.
You've now walked the journey
of being back with this person.
We're now gonna experience the other path,
the path of saying no to this ex,
the path of making yourself available
for a different experience,
for somebody else to come into your life
or for you to be single, whatever that looks like.
For this exercise,
let's imagine that it's somebody else
that comes into your life.
And so walk down that path
and imagine meeting this other person,
a person that feels amazing to you,
a person you would choose and they choose you back.
Imagine the experiences you're having with them,
the good times you have with them.
Imagine the challenges, how you communicate.
Notice how you feel.
What are you experiencing? Do you feel expansive?
Do you feel more light, more alive?
Do you feel more constricted?
On this path, take a nice deep breath in,
(inhales deeply)
and in your mind's eye, bring yourself right back
to the beginning of this path.
And then go ahead and and open your eyes when you're ready.
And if you're tuning in,
allow yourself to be really honest with yourself
on which path felt more expansive
because there's an infinite intelligence imbued within you,
imbued within me, imbued within every single one of us.
This surpasses our conscious mind,
surpasses our conscious logic.
And when you tune in to what feels expansive
and you move in that direction,
that leads to a more expansive life.
I remember one of my clients
I was leading through this exercise
and I'm always fascinated by the decisions
that people will make after going through this exercise
because when she brought me the question,
she was all excited about this ex
and the fact that he had changed and he had grown
and he was speaking a good game
about what it would be like to be together
and she felt a lot when she was sharing this.
I felt like, wow, she's already sold.
I'll do the crossroads with her,
but I already know which one she's gonna choose.
And so we went down the right path, being with the guy,
her ex, the left path, saying no to the ex,
but opening her up to something else.
And at the end of the crossroads exercise,
she opened her eyes and she goes, "I'm not doing it.
I'm not gonna say yes to him.
The second path felt so much more expansive to me."
And I was thinking, wow,
I'm really glad that we went through this exercise
'cause it completely changed her life.
This is a great tool that you can use
not only in relationships,
but if you're looking at a job offer,
if you're looking at a career decision,
if you're looking at where to move, where to live,
give yourself this possibility
of going through the crossroads exercise.
And there's one more step here.
If the crossroads exercise says,
get back together with this ex,
then step number four is you wanna create clear agreements
so that you can create new patterns in this relationship.
You go back to your what were the causes
of the dissolution of this relationship,
the reason it ended, and then say,
okay, what would be required
for us to create something healthier, happier,
more abundant, more loving?
What would the new patterns need to look like?
And you wanna be clear in your own mind
and clear with your partner that you're moving forward.
You're gonna operate with these new patterns.
There you have it.
This is the best thing to do
when an ex comes back into your life to set yourself up
to creating and living a life that you love.
I appreciate you. Thanks for watching and I'll see you soon.
(gentle music)