- Where in the world is Superwoman today?
In New York.
Welcome everyone, it's your girl,
Superwoman, and I am in a hotel.
♫ Motel, Holiday Inn ♫
And this light is super unflattering,
but I figure we're all friends here so it's okay
if I look like a total sloth.
We'll just pretend this ice age.
Now to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of staying in hotels
because I feel like you never feel like you're at home
you know what I mean?
Like I prefer renting places
than staying at a hotel.
Sometimes for shorter trips you need to shut the F up,
and go with the flow.
Oh look, there it goes right now.
Look, hi flow.
Do you get it?
I went with the flow.
So hopefully you can relate to this video
of why hotels stress me out.
Should we get to it?
♫ Let's get to it ♫
First of all, do you see this?
Now I wanna know, do you see this?
Look at my hair.
True story.
You know when I was younger,
I wanted to dress up as a witch for Halloween.
So I bought a costume, bought the wig,
went home and I was upset and devastated when I
realized my hair was longer than the witch's wig.
No, straight up, my hair be hella long.
Okay, Rapunzel posts pictures of me on Instagram
with a hashtag gold.
My hair is so long that if I didn't re-position it
when I went pee it would fall in the toilet.
I'm being serious, it's a real struggle.
I literally have to do a whole thing.
I'm sitting, I'm like okay.
Let's urinate.
It's a whole process.
I'm just tryin' to let you know the situation.
So when I walk into a hotel and I see this,
I literally LOL.
What is this gonna do for me?
This washin' my hair?
This ain't washin' no hair on no head.
This would wash the hair on my legs,
if I didn't shave for a week.
That's what this is doing.
And I know what you're thinking.
Why don't you just call them and ask them for more shampoo?
First of all, that's gonna take like 50 whole minutes
for them to give me my shampoo.
And on top of that,
I'm trying to turn the shower into a club
actin' like I got bottle service, okay?
Just straight up like Meek Mill in the shower,
just poppin' bottles up in the place.
Because this is ridiculous.
I swear, it's like the before pictures
and in hair transplant infomercial.
Need more shampoo in this.
(mumbles) and then this way,
and I tried to make a joke.
Bloop.
Moving on.
I can't tell you how many hotels I've been to
where the washroom doesn't have a lock,
and I'm just like, "Who thought this was a good idea?"
Did you, John?
Did you, Joe, did you think that's good?
That's actually a wall,
and that's actually a chair,
but like even they think it's stupid.
Because I truly feel like locking the door when I pee
is a very standard need.
And like the hotel's got everything else,
so just confuses me 'cause I walk up into my washroom
and they got 42 towels, okay, in eight different sizes.
They got towels for everyone from
size Tyrian to Optimus Prime.
But ya'll can't get a lock on the washroom, okay.
Let's start with the basics.
Let me show you my current washroom situa--
I'm a need you to just put this light over there.
Oh look, I disappeared.
I want you to look.
We're gonna do this like a vlog style video.
This is the washroom, okay?
All right, I just want you to, this is the handle.
And that, my friends, is the toilet.
What?
Oh, hello, I see you peeing shirt that's on the toilet.
F'd up my whole framing and ish.
Why would you have the handle be a huge hole?
Because when I'm peeing, I only want one hole to be open.
And that ain't the one.
Who gave the green light to this design?
Was that door always open?
Hello?
(laughing)
All right, so let me ask you a question.
Friends, what do people do when they sleep, huh?
You might be thinking rest.
Okay, rapid eye movement.
Consolidate information,
and I'm a be like, "Nah."
They charge their phone.
And I feel like people charging their phone while they sleep
is a pretty common practice,
so why is that the majority of hotels I go to
ain't got an outlet anywhere near the bed.
There's an outlet over there in the closet.
There's an outlet over there under that chair.
There ain't no outlet anywhere in this vicinity.
Why?
(speaking in foreign language)
It's like, what do you want me to do tomorrow
when my phone is dead?
Would you want me to like interact with people in real life?
Don't be crazy.
I have a better chance of my phone getting charged
by a thunderbolt that hits my room than finding
and outlet in an appropriate place, appropriate...
Appropriate place in this hotel room.
When Zeus is gonna charge my phone faster than your
hotel room, there's a problem.
And I know what you're thinking.
Why don't you just charge your phone over there,
and go to sleep over there,
and I'm just gonna be like, "Bra.
"You're acting like I'm not gonna fall asleep while
"stalking hot people on Instagram."
Don't suggest ridiculous things.
I also feel like I'm a pretty happy person.
But some of the most enraging moments of my life
have been--
I'm really tired.
I come back to my hotel.
I'm carrying a million things.
I go up to 420 in the elevator,
get to my room, and then what happens?
(imitates key card lock)
The key card doesn't work.
(groans)
I have zero willpower in those situations
because I will stand there, drop my bags,
and I'll look around for a solution.
Hello, hello, hello?
I know no one's there, 'kay I'm a just keep tryin' though.
I'm gonna do whatever I can to not go back downstairs.
I'll just stand there.
(imitates key card lock)
Okay, well this time (imitates key card lock).
Okay, well what if I--
(breaths heavily)
(imitates key card lock)
Maybe this time.
(imitates key card lock)
It sounds like Wally is puking.
Like I'd rather sleep in this hallway
then go back down to the lobby,
but of course I'm gonna cave.
I'm gonna walk back down to the lobby.
They're gonna be like, "Oh how can I help you today,
"Miss Singh?"
And then I'm gonna be like,
"Oh, hi, my hair smells, my friend took a picture of me
"peeing, my phone's dead, and my key card doesn't work.
"But other than that splendid."
And let's talk about other hotel guests.
Now don't get me wrong, I love people.
I generally love people,
but some guests are hella obnoxious.
First of all, let's start with the fact that if I'm sleeping
and I hear any type of child outside in the hallway.
I'm a just assume that I'm gonna die
because that has horror movie written all over it.
And I don't care what logical explanation there could be.
I don't care if I fully know there's a whole nursery school
of kids staying at this hotel, okay.
I'm a just assume that years ago this used to be
a haunted campground, and now they built a hotel on
top of it, and now five year old Jessica Sole is underneath
my bed, and I'm gonna die.
Kids in hotels.
No.
And then there's the guests who can't keep their
love-making to a minimum volume.
You know how many times I've been in my room
in a hotel and I've just heard the people next to me
going at it?
Okay, and I mean at it.
I'm talking like Jay-Z and Beyonce made Blue.
They're makin' a whole paint set ever there.
They're conceiving mad kids, okay.
Just so in love, and I'm sitting over here with my Cosmo,
my pizza watching Game of Thrones just like,
"I like bubbles".
And it's not helping my self-esteem.
Your love is selfish,
and it's causing me a great inconvenience,
please stop that.
Having said all of that, I'm in this hotel,
and I'm super happy because I'm working on my world tour
and it is making my soul feel wonderful and positive.
Just to let you know our tickets for Australia,
Singapore, and Hong Kong are currently on sale.
You can go to www.lillysinghhtour.com
and grab those tickets before they disappear
because I am extremely confident they'll all sell out.
Because team Super is like,
they're kinda like the best team ever.
If you enjoyed this video give it a big thumbs up.
You can check out my last video right there.
It is called My Parents Reacting to (mumbles).
And it is a hoot.
If the (mumbles) doesn't work,
I'll put the link in the description.
The newest episode of Lana Steele is right over there,
and that series is like really impressing me,
so if you haven't checked it out yet,
give it a chance, it's really good.
I'll also put that link in the description.
Other than that, subscribe because I make new videos
every Monday and Thursday and I'd love for you to be there.
(smooch)
Sending you lots of love and positivity
and motivation and inspiration.
One love, Superwoman, that is a wrap.
And zoom, but before I go, I can I not do this
(mumbles)
Hello?