That's right. Pedophile and fake billionaire
Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his jail cell
after he apparently committed suicide on Saturday morning,
which, if you ask me, is some bullshit, right.
No, because I wanted Jeffrey Epstein
to stay alive for two reasons.
One, so that his victims could get their day in court,
and, two, I wanted him to snitch
on all his high-profile pedophile friends.
Now he's dead!
(cheers and applause)
He's gone.
You know who we need? We need that-that red lady
from Game of Thrones to wake his ass up.
That's what we need.
Come on, Jeffrey!
And what makes this whole Epstein thing even worse
is that we already had questions
about his whole pedophile operation.
Now we have additional questions about how he died.
TV REPORTER: This morning, the question on many minds,
how did Jeffrey Epstein die while in federal custody?
TV REPORTER: Epstein had been taken off suicide watch
and was supposed to have been checked
by guards every 30 minutes,
but that procedure was not being followed
the night before he was found.
TV REPORTER: Sources close to the investigation
say Epstein underwent a psychiatric evaluation
and they cleared him from suicide watch
on or about July 29th,
allowing him to return to his cell.
Yeah, they weren't checking in on Epstein
and they took him off suicide watch.
Why?
Like, I'm-I'm not an expert on psychology,
but if someone tries to commit suicide,
I don't think two more weeks of jail
would suddenly improve their outlook on life.
Now, you may remember the reason
this Jeffrey Epstein case blew up wasn't just because
of the magnitude of his crimes, but also
because his circle included some high-profile individuals.
Everyone from Bill Clinton and Donald Trump,
all the way to famous scientists and even royalty.
And because the story involved so many people
who are so powerful, many out there are wondering
if Epstein really suicided himself.
This is a suspected suicide
and it just smells fishy to so many people.
The timing is so suspicious.
This comes just one day after those documents were unsealed.
I'm not a believer in a conspiracy theory
but I do believe there's lots
of suspicious activity to investigate here.
TV REPORTER: Twitter erupted with a number
of other conspiracy theories following the news,
the shocking news of Epstein's apparent suicide.
Hashtags like #TrumpBodyCount and #ClintonBodyCount
and #EpsteinMurder were among the top U.S. trends.
Trump retweeted a baseless conspiracy theory
tying the Clintons to the death of Jeffrey Epstein.
That's right.
I mean, I get everyone else on Twitter,
but the president of the United States
is also retweeting conspiracy theories
that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered by the Clintons.
Yeah. The president did this, which is pretty wild.
I mean, 'cause this is the type of moment where you would think
the president would be the voice of reason.
Instead, Trump is jumping into the fray.
Yeah. You know what he's like?
He's-He's basically that dad
that when a fight breaks out in the little league game,
he runs into the field, but instead of breaking it up,
starts body slamming the third graders.
(mimics Trump): "Yeah, take that. Take that. Take that."
(regular voice): 'Cause he's doing this in pub--
You know what Trump needs, Trump needs a finster.
That's what he needs.
Yeah, one of those secret Instagram accounts
that only your close friends can see, that's what he needs.
Then he can use that to just go crazy
with his racist stuff, conspiracy theories,
butt pics, he can just let it all out.
Just get it all out.
And America doesn't have to stress.
(audience exclaiming)
But this time, though, this time, it's not just Trump.
It seems like everybody thinks
that something shady happened here.
People on the right are saying
it was the Clintons who killed Jeffrey.
People on the left are saying Trump killed him.
Jesse Smollett says it was two white Nigerian guys.
(laughter and applause)
And I don't know, guys.
I don't know, I'm not a conspiracy theorist
but something weird happened here.
Like, I was thinking,
maybe it wasn't Trump or the Clintons.
Maybe it was... America.
This incident should make us all troubled
about the jail system.
We know that there are many deaths by suicide
in jails throughout the country.
NEWSWOMAN: The Metropolitan Correctional Center
has been understaffed,
leading to low morale among guards,
and the two guards in the Special Housing Unit
where Epstein was kept were both on overtime,
one of the guards on his fifth overtime shift of the week.
NEWSMAN: Sources at the jail tell CBS News
they often rely on certain inmates
to assist guards in monitoring other inmates
due to a lack of manpower.
Yeah, you heard that right.
Thanks to overworked staff and underfunded prisons,
suicide among inmates is all too common
in the United States,
with some prisons so understaffed
that guards ask other inmates to be on suicide watch for them,
which is not ideal.
I mean, what if the person they put on suicide watch
is a murderer? Huh?
What happens then?
He's just like, "So, the good news is
he didn't kill himself."
(laughter)
So, look, man, I'll be honest.
I get why everybody's suspicious of how this all went down
because you would think a high-profile person
like Jeffrey Epstein would have eyes on him all the time.
But, to be honest, I'm also not sure
that there's a conspiracy here.
Like, if anything,
for me, the conspiracy has been taking place
over the last ten years.
First of all,
Epstein magically only served 13 months for his crimes,
and in that 13 months, he got to leave prison
and go to the office six days a week.
And the prosecutor sealed the case,
which protected Epstein and his coconspirators
and robbed his victims of due process.
That, for me, was the conspiracy.
How did that happen? What was going on there?
-That's the conspiracy. -(cheering and applause)
And maybe...
maybe, just maybe what happened here
is the result of there not being a conspiracy anymore
and Epstein being treated for the first time
just like everyone else.