Okay, you're angry. It's time to learn how to calm down. Now, that this has happened.
Watch closely and take these next steps.
You got triggered, didn't you? You're angry, you're upset. Something happened
and now you're trying to figure out how to calm down. Boy,
do I understand this one. If I could I mean, seriously, just to let you know a
little bit about my past. And then I'll help you with what to do here. I'll make
sense of what to do here, so that you can become really a lot better at how to
calm down in these situations. But I got to tell you. Not to not too long ago, I
seriously, I could have admitted myself to an anger management class. I didn't do
it. I didn't express my anger on the outside. I was an imploder and just I
would just take those situations. And I would implode and I would be so mad and
ticked off inside. To the point that it caused me a lot of health issues. And I'm
still recovering from some of those health issues from being so angry at
what happened, what somebody did or you know or the situation that happened. So,
for myself, literally the last couple years of my life have been how to calm
down when something makes me angry. And it's a practice. It's a practice.
So, all I know how to do is I'm just going to show you what I think is important
to look at here so you can better understand yourself. Because anger is
really toxic to the body. It really is toxic and it really can
damage you on the inside and damage life on the outside, right? Ruins relationships,
causes problems and you become bitter and regret and resentment and it
just causes really big issues between you and other people. And then you get
known as "The Short-tempered One." You're the short-fused one. And you don't want
that because you know what it feels like to get up too and escalate to anger and
then that a whole drop afterwards, that hurts. And then you drop way down here.
It just really, really is tough to go through that over and over again in your
life. Let's talk about how to calm down. But first we got to talk about how you
got there. So, consider this. Every time you get angry, there are a series of
steps that literally escalate your thoughts and feelings to a point that
the final trigger happens. And you now are in a state of being angry. Now, back
here, this dotted line resembles calmness. Back here, something happened. Something
triggered you to not be calm anymore. It could have been embarrassment, it could
have been frustration, it could have been disappointment. You see other emotions
happen along the way. But emotions get stacked up on top of each other and we
think we're managing them. But if this is one emotion, this is frustration, this is
disappointment, this is irritation. And this is just all
just bugged. Then all it takes is one more experience and boom! It triggers you.
And now, all these emotions all launch up there together and it creates a massive
pocket of angry. So, how do you calm down from something like this? One
thing that I had to do was begin to track when things were happening to me.
So, if I have a situation that literally hurt me, caused me to feel embarrassed,
cause frustration, disappointment, sadness. Any of those kind of emotions. But if I
have something that happens like that, I've got to stop and pay attention and
go, "This unchecked moment could escalate to cause me to trigger to get angry."
Because anger is not an emotion that just happens all by itself. It's built up
to it. So, I had to start noticing what are the common emotions that get
triggered in me and they stack up and then I explode in anger? Or implode with
anger. Because you can't calm down unless you know how the
equation is built. So, you literally are becoming more of an investigator of your
life. An observer of what it is that led up to that. So, you see this drawing right
here? You could draw this on paper and drawing this on paper, it helps you know
I got to locate these 3 or 4 emotions that literally stack up and
connect to each other. That set me up to possibly be triggered to go into anger.
Because if you know what these are and there's usually between 2 and 4
emotions that get built up. Then you get too angry. It's not angers not by itself.
It gets built. So, draw this picture. Begin noticing what these are. And don't worry.
If you've been angry recently and you're in this moment right now, you know and
now you're after you're angry and you've been mad at people and you've hurt
people by what you've said or what you've done and or you're imploding. You
know that this is happening. The whole drop experience. So, if this has happened
recently and that's why you're watching this. And this has happened backtrack.
I mean, seriously, backtrack go. Okay I',m angry. But what did I feel before I was
angry? And what else happened before that and what else happened before that? If
you can wire in the moment. Back up and go, "Okay, what was it? What was it?"
Remember that these are not anger moments. Frustration, embarrassment,
disappointment, sadness. These are all different emotions that stacked up. I
think you're getting this. I'm saying it like 5 times for you. But it's really
important that you hear this. Because a person who can't calm down from anger
or can't manage angers because they don't know how it's built. Find these so
that the next time they start, because they will start again. Whatever these are,
whatever these are that happen, it will happen again. And you know how you're
angry and then you have this big drop and then you finally come up and out of
it and then you're back to calm and you save yourself? That's never going to
happen again. Well, the reason why you're so deceived
in thinking it's never happen again is because you don't see
that these emotions have literally added up to create the trigger.
They've add it up. They've been all put together.
Big old bomb ready to go off. So, you deceive yourself by thinking it's never
going to happen again. Because when you come up here to calm, you don't even know what
happened the last time. If you don't know how it's built, you can't disassemble it.
If you don't know how it's built, you can't interrupt it either. So, imagine if
I... You know this one's embarrassment, I'm just going to write it in short.
Embarrassment, this is frustration, this is disappointment and this one right
here is just bugged. This one just is something that bugs me. On the right bugs.
So, now if I know what these emotions are. And I literally have my own tracking
sheet for myself. So, I know if something happens and it bugs me, which the pattern
will always repeat until the pattern is changed. Until I change the pattern.
Guaranteed, it's going to happen again. If you've been angry once, you're going to be
angry again. You can't get away from it because it'll start out with something
will bug you, it's bug me. Then something will trigger me and be embarassed and
I'll be frustrated, I'll be disappointed. And it all stacks up and then
the last thing boom! But because I know this now. Because I wrote this down, if I
feel bugged about something, I then can think and go, "Wait a second. Uh- oh, this is
starting on the whole path to me having an anger issue again." And I don't want
that to happen. So, right here, I could take this moment and I could come back
down to calm. Because this is calm. This line right here is the calm
line. I could go from bugged back to calm. Not just a loud bug to happen. So, how do
I take care of bugged? Well, I got to do something with that emotion. And
the best way I found, seriously, the easiest in the best way. Is I go sit down
to my laptop and I write down what just happened. And maybe, you know, it could be
as easy as, "My son, you know, didn't bring the trash cans in.
He said he would but he didn't." So, I'm sitting all bugged. I could go talk to him
or I could set down to my laptop and go, "You know what drives me crazy when
people don't do what they say they're going to do. It really bugs me and blah, blah."
And I'm just going to type on a blank document how I feel. And what bugs me about.
So I have an outlet. You see the reason why these stack up and it turns into
angers because there's no outlet. There's no expression. And when those stay inside
of you and they're not expressed and there's no outlet, it stacks up. Stick a
fuse in it, boom! You're angry again. So, if I feel embarrassed and I have
an outlet, I can bring myself back down to calm. If I'm bugged, I can have an
outlet through writing how I think and feel or I can go talk to the person. I
can manage that emotion in the moment. So, it does not stack up and turn into a big
boom. So, how do you calm down? You've already been angry, you've already
had that happen? So, this is how to interrupt it, so you don't have that
escalate again. But if you've already been angry and now you've been angry and
now you're all supercharged. What's going to happen is you're going to have very soon a
very big emotional drop. And these this drop right here is where you start to
pit your emotion against somebody. Like, you know, if they wouldn't have done this,
if they wouldn't have done that, if they wouldn't have, if they wouldn't have. And
there's a lot of blame that happens right here, you cannot calm down from
anger by blaming people. You can't. You're doing that and most people do that where
they just want to blame people and blame the situation. But what that does is it
puts the situation on the outside of you. Which then you can't control it, you
can't change and you can't manage it. The only way you can calm down after an
anger moment happens is to own it. I'm angry.
Wow, I'm really angry at this situation. And I'm angry and there's all these
scenarios in this big moment that happened. I'm angry, it's my emotion, I
got to do something with it. That's the responsible way to managing it. Up here,
if you're angry, you're blaming people and you blame people all the way down
this big drop. Your emotional drop you're going to go through, you have no control, no
management, no chance to calm down from it. And then it just sits inside you. And
this is the big line of regret, resentment, bitterness, vengeance. And now
you just got this whole emotional blob inside of you, pointed at other people.
And then you've tricked your mind into thinking, "I'll change after they change."
You know I'll change after they are better. After they say that they're sorry
and they forget, they asked for forgiveness. And when you do that you are
now going to step into a new category called sore.
Not soar like fly like an eagle. Like, sore like an awie, like hurt. There's hurt
and then there's just being really sore on the inside. And that is a long lasting
painful experience that will literally ruin your life and could kill you. There
are people who literally have been tracked and studied. Who were literally
dying because of anger inside of them. Really, anger will kill you. It'll destroy
your organs, it'll destroy your digestive system, it'll destroy relationships and
it will literally destroy you. So, as long as you blame people, you can't
do anything about it. But once you start to own this is how I feel. And then the
next sentence is, "This is what I'm going to do about it."
That you're saying, "I'm going to do something about it." You're not waiting
for somebody else to change. Not waiting for somebody else to be better or do
something different or your spouse, your kids or your friends, your neighbors or
coworkers. If you're wait for them, it's not going to change. And you're going to
continue to be sore. And it's going to kill you. Slowly, painfully. Ruin your life. So,
no blame. The way you can manage this experience is no blame. You own it,
you felt it, you allowed it to stack up. You've got to have an outlet to express
this. And don't dump on people. Don't trash people because you can't manage
your emotions. You get on piece of paper or on your laptop and you write down how
you feel. You got to manage your emotions in one way or another. And the simplest
way I could ever teach you is write down what you're thinking and write down how
you feel. And own it. Don't blame people for they say. You know, I feel this way because
of this. And I feel this way because of this. But I feel this way and I'm going to
do something about it. Once you hit bottom and now you're starting on the
way up. This is the forgiveness path. You know, this is the owning it, this is the
forgiveness. This is where you start to forgive self, others and the situation. So,
you forgive self, you forgive others and this last one right here is lesson learned.
I know this is totally messy but you can read it and you got it, right? You got it.
Forgive self, forgive others and find the lesson learned. And now you're back up to
being calm. But guess what? When you're back to calm, you have the potential of
this building up again. But seriously, if I don't draw this out and write this
down, I will be unconscious of my destructive patterns. And you have a
destructive pattern. And there is the same emotions that get triggered or
really close to the same emotions. And if you don't know what they are, you're
going to get triggered to be angry again. But draw out what you do. Draw out
how you feel. Try what it is. Different people, same emotions. Different scenarios,
same emotions. If you map it, you then can do this. If you map it, you can actually
cause and interrupt. If you map it, you can change it. Out of sight, out of mind.
This puts it in your sight. This gives you some consciousness about it. This
helps you see what to do different. And how the problem increases. So, make a map,
track your emotions, know that no blame on this piece and then the steps of
getting back up to calm has to do with self forgiveness of self others and
finding the lesson learned from the experience. You really can calm down from
being angry. And you really can stop it from happening again. Believe me, I know
that myself. All I can do is show you what I'm doing and it works. Alright, to
keep a great thing going, what you got to do here is make some comments down below
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