Marie: Hey it's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV,
the place to be to create a business and life you love. I got a question for you: have you
ever struggled to create change in your life? Maybe around a birthday, you've said, "this
year is going to be different, it really is," but then it becomes a sad repeat of the past.
If you've ever struggled to create meaningful change in your life, my guest today is here
to help.
Todd Herman is the founder of the Peak Athlete, a peak performance coaching and researching
company working with hundreds of pro and Olympic athletes on the inner psychology of winning.
Todd also consults with leading executives and business owners on leadership, sales and
communication. His corporate leadership programs are used by over 17 organizations globally
and three governments reaching over 250,000 people.
In 2010, he was awarded the World's Greatest Salesperson and the Con International Advertising
Festival and has been featured on the Today Show, the Australian Today Show, Sky Business,
the New York Times and other media.
Todd Herman, thank you for being on MarieTV.
Todd: I'm so happy to be here.
Marie: I think you're amazing and you and I have been
friends for years. One of the coolest things that you taught me, and this was a few years
back, was on the biology of change. It's this concept and these ideas that really have
stuck with me, so I am so excited to have you share that with everybody here today.
Lets get right into it. What's happening on a cellular level when we try and create some
kind of change? A new habit, learn a new skill, anything like that.
Todd: There's a chemical cocktail of changes happening inside of us
and it's working from the inside out. Anytime we're trying to break an old habit, embark
on a new skill or try to improve ourselves, generally there is a biological process that's
going on inside of us and most people would tap into it as an emotional part of what's
going on. It's this part that trips people up; it's this misunderstanding of what's
happening that prevents people from actually continuing on with the change. There's some
great research that was done and last year, the Nobel Prize in Chemistry was awarded to
two researchers on this very subject.
What's interesting to note about the cells, what's important to know, is that they are
constantly receiving information and they're constantly replicating themselves. It's
important to know this because this is actually what's happening when we're going through
our process of change. When we actually start on a process of embarking on a new skill or
changing a bad habit or something like that, we're actually sending some positive "juju"
through our body. Positive emotion that comes in the form of hormones; dopamine and serotonin
would be the two main ones. But if our cells are used to being constantly bombarded with
cortisol, because they're receivers of information, they're used to getting cortisol, just like
hungry little hippos; they just wanting to be fed anything and if you're constantly feeding
them cortisol, they'll accept it. They're going to get more of it and they're going
to send information up saying, "give me some more cortisol and stress." If you're
wondering why you're always stressed out, it's not that you're a bad person and
you're supposed to be living that way; it's just what your cells are used to.
When we stick with change, the replication of the cells that happens, if we're constantly
giving them dopamine and endorphins, they're going to want more dopamine and endorphins
when they replicated because the cells replicate based on the last information that happens
to them.
Marie: Tracking here, so we start to create a new habit; for
example, we're starting to exercise. Before our butts were on the couches, we're all
stressed out all the time and all of a sudden we said "alright, I'm going to start working
out." You start sending these new hormones, the dopamine and serotonin and your cells
start getting bombarded with some new hormones and they're shaking and they're replicating
then they want to start going in a new direction.
Todd: They're vibrating away because they're not used to getting this
information so they need to vibrate to accept it because they need to change the receptor
sites to allow in this new information. It's this vibration that trips people up. This
is the cause of what we would call self-sabotage and resistance many times in people because
they interpret this as "this doesn't really feel good or doesn't feel right to me,"
and that's their own story that they're attaching to the cellular change that's
happening. You got to remember that those cells automatically always want the good stuff
right away because they're still elements of the need for cortisol. You are going to
still get some stress going on in your body, but overtime if we just stick with it, that's
why the greatest breakthroughs always happen when you are wanting to quit almost, and then
around the next corner is this massive change that happens for us.
It's this knowing part, when I've shared this with clients and even when we talked
about it for the first time, that people relax into it because now it explains so much of
why sometimes we've quit and when we've been doing something that was really positive
but just knowing that this is how we work, people can relax into the change more. It's
like now you know what to expect. I'm not going to be positive forever because day one
exercise is easy, day two is easy too, day three a little bit of resistance kicking in
because maybe we're a little bit achy, day four maybe we don't want to go to the gym
and day five we just end up quitting on ourselves. The change was happening if we would have
just stuck with it, then when our cells are used to all this dopamine and serotonin that's
coming at it, they're going to be wanting more of that which means that the activities
that you're going to be choosing are going to lead you to be sending that information
back down; the activities, the action you take on a daily basis.
Marie: It's almost like we have to stick through it to
get through that transition period so that our cells have built those new receptors,
want the dopamine, want the good stuff and then they become hungry hippos for the good
stuff; it's like give me that juice.
Todd: And you're only going to be doing the things that give them the
juice, which is usually these new activities and new habits that you've done in your
life.
Marie: What we're doing is misinterpreting some really
good stuff that's happening inside of our body especially when we're around that stage
with resistance. I think resistance is such an interesting topic so let's dive a little
bit deeper into that resistance.
Todd: After all the work that I've done with professional athletes,
amateur athletes, Olympic athletes and executives as well, there's basically two categories
of people that I've classed people in; there's OWW brainers and WOW brainers. The difference
between the two is this: OOW brain people, when they're faced with a challenge, some
sort of obstacle, when they're going through a process of change will automatically start
the dialogue or the story that they tell themselves. They feel this vibration that's going on
and then what they attach to it is "I'm not really feeling this, this isn't right
for me, why should I bother anyway, I've always been like this," things like that is all
wrapped around that type of story. When you're telling yourself that, of course you're going
to end up quitting on it.
There's basically three categories of story that we wrap around it; there is this feeling
of being stuck, this feeling of being bored and then this need to feel safe, retracting
into ourselves so it's like a comfort zone. People are stuck, they're bored and they're
safe. If you notice that's what happening in your life, you've fallen into this path
of this OWW brain.
Marie: The OWW brain too is like "ow, that hurts, I
want to step away, this isn't feeling right, this isn't feeling good, let me go retreat
to my old habits." If we can, before we go onto the WOW brain, I've seen this so much
in the programs that I teach because I see the two different people and the folks that
have the OWW brain the moment that they're trying a new framework in marketing or they're
trying to be more organized or trying to stick to a schedule, they're like "I'm just not
built like this, this doesn't work for me," and that's amazing because I'll see this
whole other track of people that respond to the same information in a different way and
it's just extraordinary.
Todd: It's not like we're just one thing; it's segmented parts of
our life. For me, it could be the idea of me giving up chocolate cake; that's OWW
to me. Another word that's wrapped around it is pain; it's a pain part of our brain
and OWW is about pain. The dialogue that happens and continues on with that is "maybe my
friends will leave me as well if I continue on this." Here's the reality: if you're
going to build a business for yourself and you're going to become more successful, you're
going to lose friends. You will. I did; you probably did as well. You don't hang around
with the same people anymore.
Marie: Lets talk about the WOW brain.
Todd: WOW brain people, when they're going through this resistance,
is they're seeing things as more pleasurable and it's "this is feeling really good,
I can't wait to see what happens out of this, I wonder what opportunities are going to unfold
for me because of this, there's so many things that I'm learning and growing and I never
would have expected this." It's all about this sense of WOW. Three other categories
that they revolve around is growth, confidence is another and the other one is adventure.
People that are going through the OWW brain, they're dealing with feeling stuck, bored
and feeling the need for safety; growth, confidence and adventure for people that are in the WOW
brain.
When you move those circles together, if growth, confidence and adventure were all circles
and we moved them together, where growth and confidence overlap, then we get momentum when
we're growing and we feel good about our growth and we're moving on things. Momentum
is the exact opposite of feeling stuck. Then when we have confidence and adventure coming
together, now we have excitement in our life as well. Excitement is the exact opposite
of feeling bored. Then we have growth and adventure, which is all about transformation.
When we go on an adventure and we grow from it, we transform and we're not safe. And
in the center of it all is leadership.
When you take a look at your own brand, and I'm not doing this because I'm on MarieTV
and give you a bunch of affirmations, it has all those things going on and if people just
wrapped their lives more around this idea of just growing, getting more confidence from
our growth and learning to look at life with more of an adventurous spirit, then change
isn't so daunting. Plus with this new knowledge of this chemical cocktail that's going to
go is going to go on all the time anyway and I'm tired of feeding those hungry hippos nothing
but cortisol and stress.
Marie: Right. I love this. This is so fun. Every time I
hear you talk about this, I really just get excited. We've got the framework, we're
starting to know this, we've got the OWW brain and the WOW brain and we all have a little
bit of both in our lives, so let's go on. If we find ourselves in the position of being
in OWW associating some kind of pain pulling back when we know the change that we want
to make is really in our best interest, it's something that's really good for us and
something ultimately we want. What are some practical steps that we can take to support
ourselves to move into more of that WOW position?
Todd: There are five prescriptions that I give people. One is you have to have
a vision that's clear and very specific. People have heard that before. It's not
that its something new and shiny object type of thing. I'm not talking about this grand
vision off into the future but if it's a very small change that we're trying to make
or if we're trying to break a habit, what does that look like, specifically what am
I trying to change about myself or what's the new skill? If we take a look at growth
and confidence and adventure, what's a vision that I have about my growth that I can be
growing in my business and what does that look like for me and very tangible it has
to be.
Marie: I can give you an example that can help illustrate
this. I just did this 14 day detox with Josh and it wasn't necessarily like I had this
ultra clear vision of what it would look like, but it was a specific thing. These 14 days,
it was concrete, I understood there was a plan, there was a place I was going to get
to and I knew the kind of things I was going to eliminate on my path, so it made it so
easy rather than this big grand vision of being the perfect healthy person forever.
It was specific, it was concrete and it gave us something to work from.
Todd: You used the keyword "path"; the path is everything. You saw
the path. There was no guessing and uncertainty. Uncertainty is the enemy to the OWW brainer.
If there is uncertainty, you're going to get resistance and self-sabotage in your life
then. Just be specific and clear about what it is that you're trying to go after.
The second thing is to set trigger goals for yourself. Trigger goals are about the little
micro changes that we need to be set up for ourselves in order to maybe accomplish the
bigger goal. If I'm trying to start a new exercise regimen, a trigger goal is if I pull
the thread on that goal of going to the gym, what's one of the first actions I would even
ever have to take in order to get to the gym? It would be four times this week, I'm going
to get dressed up in my Lululemon gear in my home because probability says that I'm
more than like going to take the next step which is maybe walk out the door. Trigger
goals would be five times this week, I'm going to get dressed up and it's the complete
opposite about what most people hear about goal setting. I want to find what is the behavioral
action step that you can take because I know that if I get you to walking down that path,
the likelihood of you getting to the gym is just that much more likely.
The next goal on top of that would be to open up the door five times this week with the
mission of going to the gym. We're not even at the gym yet and those are things we do
when we accomplish it. There is a little dopamine dump that we get because we did achieve the
thing that we set up that we were going to do.
Marie: It's almost building on small wins. I can think
about it in terms of productivity. I know for me one of the biggest habits that I developed
that serves me so much, and I always recommend it, end of day and take out my notebook, setup
for the next day. Huge, simple trigger goal impacts my level of accomplishment, how I
feel about myself, how rested I can be when I go to bed, just doing that one simple tiny
action that cascades into incredible results in every part of my life.
Todd: What's funny about that goal you set for yourself is when I take
a look at one of the hallmarks of a WOW brainer, people who do achieve quite a bit, that's
one of their things that they. They are fantastic at planning out their tomorrow, today.
Marie: I love it; it gets me high. I get so excited.
Todd: Think about it. For me, it's like this sense of excitement expectancy
now because I'm taking control of my day, not control in that I'm going to force things
to happen but there's an internal power that we get from that.
Marie: Absolutely. Also, a sense that we know that we can't control
so much of what happens so to go in at least with a plan of "okay, this is what's really
important for me, so no matter what else happens, I got this to go in there with. It may not
always work out but at least coming in prepared."
Todd: Number three would be to set improvement goals. Improvement goals
are really important and are all about numbers with a date attached to them. The great thing
about photo albums is that we can see change in photo albums. When I see myself at 5 or
at 15, I can see the visual change that's happening, but when people maybe sign up for
one of your programs, if I don't set up an improvement goal for myself, then it's
really hard for me to know and get feedback for myself of, is this improving, am I growing
from this, so I can get more confidence with my abilities and capabilities.
An improvement goal would be, for example, if it's working out again; I will improvement
the number of pushups I can do consecutively from 5 to 15 by X date, six weeks from now,
four weeks from now, whatever it is. If someone is in a sales type role, I will improve the
number of successful calls that I make to prospects from three per day to six per day,
by a date. Then I can put that on a plot chart and I can see it go up or I can see it go
down, and in the feedback loop we see, "no wonder my sales are dropping because I'm not
doing that one little activity." I don't need to beat myself up over it; it's just
an improvement goal.
Marie: It's that classic phrase; anything measured improves,
anything measured and reported improves exponentially. Again I'll go back to this detox I was doing.
It's related but I drew 10 little glasses on my one sheet of paper every day because
that was that I needed to do, have 10 full glasses of water everyday and I got such a
high out of ticking those little babies off, it just feels good, but now I have a record
as you say of exactly what I did.
Todd: And there's this whole movement in the online space too of
something called growth hacking.
Marie: Is that related to quantified self?
Todd: Growth hacking is all about finding little micro changes in
the conversion on your page that maybe it's 1% improvement; the 1% on that page plus 1%
on the next page plus the 1% on the next page increases to 10% actually overall. I'm trying
to growth hack performance for professional athletes or growth hack performance for executives
or an entire team of people. The great thing about it is it doesn't scare the limbic
part of our brain that's all about fight, flight, freeze and things like that; we're
looking for micro changes, so we set improvement goals for ourselves.
The fourth one is to gather a tribe around yourself. A tribe can look many different
ways. It could be a coach or a mentor. It could be a friend who's already gone through
what you're hoping to go through and be a coach for you. It can be an online community.
That's the great thing about the Internet now; there are all these micro niches that
are everywhere that have interests that I'm shocked at sometimes but they're there to
help out. There are tons of helpful people out there that are there to gather around
you and cheer you on. Then if you start reporting to people your improvement goals and your
trigger goals and things like that, people go "you think differently than me." Now
you can actually get to that place where we all want to get to; it's a natural part
of the human experience, which is to share with other people. That's what the hero's
journey is all about. We go on this journey and Luke Skywalker comes back with the magical
elixir and he can help save other people. When we go through and we actually complete
the change that we're trying to go on, now we have data, we've got experience and then
we become so much more valuable to the people around us.
Marie: Love it. Now we're going to talk about my favorite
one, which is script your setbacks. I love this; tell us what that means.
Todd: Anytime we're going through change, there's always going to be
moments that are going to challenge the change that we're trying to go through and whether
it's breaking back habits or whether it's trying to start a new skill. Scripting your
setbacks, I also call it the positive power of negative preparation, is all about what
am I going to do in the moment when someone says "do you want some chocolate cake."
If I'm on this health kick that I'm trying to drop this 7 LBs around my waist, just thinking
about that ahead of time it's going to be a definitive "no, thanks." It just greases
the slide for us in our own heads. We don't need to think about it; it's just there
for us.
Scripting your setbacks, we can do it in so many parts of our life. When I'm working with
a professional athlete, there's a lot of times where there's tons of trash talk that's
going on the field of play and sometimes people can be going through very sensitive times
in their life. We need to think that stuff through so that they don't cost their team
a penalty which then costs them the game or something like that. The same thing happens
in business. What are you going to do when the deal that you thought was the sure thing
that was going to be closing doesn't happen? What are you going to do?
Marie: What are you going to do when you want to put that
video out or that blog post or the book proposal and you get rejected or criticized or whatever?
Todd: Because it will happen. What am I going to feel? It's not just the
doing part but what am I going to feel as well. What am I going to see? Who am I going
to call? Do I have a support system around me? Don't think about it; just do it. That's
what the power of doing the trigger goals is as well, have my Lululemon pants laying
out for me so I don't have to think about it too much; just have them staring me in
the face. Scripting your setbacks is exceptionally powerful. Everyone talks about positive thinking
but really there's a lot most power in actually thinking through the challenges because if
we think that life is one big Pollyanna episode, it's just not. We would talk about it in
the context of it's just mental weakness because I talk about mental toughness so much.
Mental toughness is knowing what to do when things aren't going well.
Marie: Scripting your setbacks just opens up so many file folders.
Even when especially because I know eating and being healthy and taking care of your
body is something I feel like all of us strive for and there's always a different level in
something we're experimenting with. Back to this detox just because it was recent,
I was travelling and going to speak at a seminar right in the midst of one of the most intense
parts of it, and it was 14 days long. In the idea of scripting setbacks, I planned out
all my meals, I know I was going to be on a plane, I planned everything out so that
I wouldn't be stuck in a hotel room going "what am I going to eat, I want to kill
myself," and then a cheeseburger comes.
Todd: It's in those moments of weakness when we usually make the decision
that takes away from the goals that we're trying to go after. This gets to the other
point of we're expending will power throughout our entire day. If we're waiting until the
end of the day and expecting ourselves to follow through in a whole bunch of change,
it's treating ourselves very poorly because we should be front loading our day with all
the change that we're trying to do.
Marie: Todd, this was fantastic. Thank you so much for
taking the time out today. I know you have a new baby girl in your life and she is beautiful,
I love Molly and obviously I love your wife, Val; she's amazing too. I really appreciate
you being here with all of us and sharing this incredible knowledge. I feel like people
are going to just freak out. I love it. It just helps me out since we had that conversation
years ago, so thank you.
Todd: It was awesome.
Marie: Now Todd and I have a challenge for you. Take
a look in your own life. When you're trying to create change, do you have an OWW brain
or a WOW brain? Obviously we both have both, but where do you tend to go most often? If
you've been having a hard time trying to make any kind of change recently, which one
of the five steps do you feel will help you the most? Tell us all about it in the comments
below.
As always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com so go
there and leave a comment now.
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