(keyboard playing)
- So, you win for like best feeling fabric.
You're wearing heaven.
- Thank you!
- I hugged you,
and then it was probably uncomfortable
but I like grazed...
And I was like, this is a beautiful, soft fabric.
- No, that does not bother me.
But this is loose because
I'm as fat as I've ever been
(laughter)
because of the pandemic.
So this is my prairie purple dress.
- Your prairie purple dress.
So wait, so your kids are grown now.
- Yes.
- Look at that smile, she's like, yep.
So is it sure that you had them drive you across town
to help you with your contact lenses?
Like, what's that story?
- Okay.
(laugher)
- The trauma that just ensued in your face.
- I know - I hate to scare y'all,
cause y'all are younger than me,
but in my forties,
I woke up one day and couldn't see
I had perfect vision, and it's aging,
- Yeah, they keep telling me that's gonna happen.
- Oh! And I could not see my hand in front of me.
And so I went to my little, yummy doctor,
who is in his eighties
- Eighties!
- He's in his eighties
and he wears blue jeans up to his arm pits.
(laughter)
and he's so yummy.
And he straddled me and wallered me for an hour
- [Kelly] What kind of eye appointments do you have?
- Trying to get the contacts in my eyeballs.
I could not touch my own eyeball.
And so my middle child was at the University of Tennessee.
And she literally would have to leave campus,
and come and meet me in a public bathroom,
and throw me over a toilet
and put contacts in my eyeballs.
And get 'em out.
- What?
- I'm not kidding. Yeah.
- You can't touch your eyeball?
- I can now.
- Oh!
- But I couldn't in my forties
- I was like does it freak you out when someone does?
Cause I'm dying to do it. (laughter)
It's just who I am.
- No, I can now.
I had to wear them whenever I was younger.
So I guess I got so used to it.
- Oh yeah, you were a pro.
- I didn't have a problem with contacts.
- But you know a daughter.
A daughter takes care of ya.
- And I've got a boy and two girls.
And that one that would
get away from her classes and a test
and come and help me.
I mean, she's called me three times today to check on me.
- Oh wow.
- Oh!
Girls take care of their mom and daddy.
Boys go off with their wife and her people.
- And her people
(laughter)
- But that's okay.
(laughter continues) - That's gonna be my problem.
I have two boys.
- Oh no.
- Can you help me?
- Yes.
- Who's gonna take care of me when I'm old?
- I hope you start praying for those daughter-in-laws
right now.
(laughter)
- Yes.
- They're gonna love you
- They are gonna love you. Look at you at your teeth
(laughter)
- OK. You know what?
Invisalign in my thirties, braces when I was a kid.
And I gotta go back to the orthodontist next week.
- I just went to the orthodontist and I have Invisalign.
I don't wear them on show,
but I have to wear them cause my gap came back. anyway.
- I love your gap, leave it.
- Yeah, leave the gap
- Here's why, I have no problem with the gap,
It's like powerful feeling.
And it's not that big,
it's that food gets stuck.
- Yeah.
- And I will literally be talking to people
and there's like pepper.
Just like, and I'm like...
- If your gap is big enough - it'll go right through it
- It'll fall.
- Yeah.
- I had Invisalign.
I'm hoping for a gap.
- [Kelly] Oh.
- I'm like trying to get a gap.
- Well, I had Invisalign now my whole teeth are like
back on the slant that they were before
because I took them out.
And at night I have this vicious crossbite.
So all the work has been undone.
yet I still have the retainers back there.
- That happened to me.
I lost my mouth guard.
- Nobody needs this information.
- This is just us,
This is just us now
- Nobody needs this. Yeah. They're like out of time.
I'm like, I know, you're welcome.
So let's get to your tour.
So your tour is called the "Big Panty Tour".
- Yep
- I think I know why, but tell me
- You know, I like big panties.
- Yeah, okay.
(laughter)
- [Audience] Teresa says hi.
- She likes the granny panties.
- I do!
- I'm 56 years old
And I feel like I'm at a point in my life
where I feel comfortable with who I am.
- And I like a good, comfortable panty.
I don't like a tight, hateful, little panty anymore.
(laughter)
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- And I had women come into my shows.
And they would bring extra panties
in case something went down, you know, like
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- Bladder
- I just thought, oh, this is fun
for people to feel comfortable.
It's like, taking your bra off
at the end of the day.
- Yeah that feels so good
- [Leanne] Can we say that on television?
- Yes
- It's like taking your hair out of a tight ponytail
everything just releases.
- And just have a good time and laugh.
And I've done a hundred,
it's almost a hundred shows.
We'll start another round
and, I'm all over the United States.
- Oh, I love it
- Thank you, Kelly
- That's such a great story.
All right.
Well tickets for Leanne's "Big Panty Comedy Tour"
on sale right now go online for cities and dates.