When did I disappoint you most and how do you feel about it now?
I've always looked up to you. So I don't think you've ever really disappointed me.
I don't know because everything you do is just like something I admire
Because it's you
Yeah, there's no disappointment
Yeah... no, you don't disappoint me
Love you
Love you too
Do your best impression of me
Okay
It says both so I think that means we have to do it of each other
Yes, ok
Um, here's you
I don't know
It's good?
Okay, you do me while I do you
Okay
very accurate, yeah
Or um
Oh god, I don't know
Just a lot of loud talking
A lot of talking and me being quiet
Yeah
It's hard to do you because it's just quietness
or it's like... stop asking me questions
Like do I have to answer that?
Yeah, yeah
What are you hesitant to tell me?
I feel like I tell you a lot of things but I guess
And I think you probably know this, but I think that you
Your relationship with our mom
is very sort of tumultuous
and I don't think it's all because of you. But I think there's more that you could be
doing
To sort of smooth that out
Why are you hesitant to talk to me about that?
Because it's like
I don't know it's
Cuz it's a conflict
yeah, I'm not the most comfortable with conflict yeah
Growing up I have this like memory of like if I ever
Interjected in like an argument that you are having with our parents or that they were having with each other
It was like I would get shut down. You know what I mean? Like this isn't you're not a part of this
right
This isn't for you to.. So I guess there's still a part of me. That's like
Doesn't feel like it's my place to say anything
Yeah of something I have a lot of guilt about is the fact that you saw all of that
when we were kids and then you didn't have a place to be upset or to
Express yourself like so there were no fights between you and our parents virtually
right
that's not normal
I'm a conflicts avoider. I don't like slamming doors
Is that...Do you think it's because you saw all that
oh yeah, yeah
I mean, I
My like own mental analogy for Who I am is that I
Turn the knob when I close the door because I don't want to make the sound
Wow, you just like don't want to make a
I don't wanna make waves
like in any way?
I mean...
I don't know about in "anyway", but just like in social interactions like
It's so much easier for me to just fly under the radar
Yeah, this is like a fear I have for you like in life like just in general because I feel like
People aren't gonna get to know you the way I do because you don't like to make waves
you know like you don't like to be like "this is who I am" and you know, you have these sides where you're like
so colorful and expressive and
Excited to talk about what you're interested in and stuff
um, I think
I'm really lucky to see that but I worry that you don't have enough
People around you that get to see that.
Yeah, I think that's definitely true right now, but I do also think that
The longer I spend with people and the more time I spend with them
um, the more that it does come out like I was on a
a camping trip with my like lab recently and um
I don't know
I just I guess my sense of humor came out or something and I could see their like the surprise on their face
So I think it, it just takes a little bit more time with me to like really come out of the shell
Sure, that's okay. As long as you do
Was that you?
Yeah
I'm shaking
How are we handling conflicts differently and how do you think it's affecting our relationship?
I think you don't handle them and I handle them. But what ends up happening is I
Feel like I have just bulldozed you like I've just asked you a million questions you don't want to answer for whatever reason and
Then we don't get anywhere and I feel misunderstood because
I'm like you just think I want to like pull shit out of you you don't want to talk about
Right, I think that there's something that people
misunderstand about me
In that if I'm being quiet or not
answering your questions
it's not because I necessarily don't want to it's because I don't have like a thoughtful answer or like
See this whole thing. Like it's so calculated
Like can you just be with me? Like can you just answer the question that I asked you?
You know, like how do you feel like when I asked you today?
How do you feel about the fact that mom might do this move?
Like you were like, I would have to hear her side
but that's the honest.. like, okay
I am worried about it. So is that the answer that you'd want?
no, because I do worry about it, but my thinking is that I just need
I don't really know and I honestly don't know because I haven't
really put enough thought into it and I'm not the kind of person that can take that information and right away say like oh,
That's that's wrong or oh that's you know, I need to think about it
I need to hear her side of the story
I need to
so you think that I push you into talking about things before you're ready to talk about them
No, I think you just pushed me into trying to come up with an opinion faster than I'm comfortable with
Okay
And I think that you have a tendency to try to force people to have the same opinion as you
All right, oh we have a lot okay, what is the pain in me wish you could heal?
I feel like you're very conscious of the way you physically present yourself to the world
It's like a lot of the time you sort of obsess about little things like
Your outfit today
you
there was just a lot of like back and forth and and it comes from a place of like
not being confident in the way that you look but
You have no reason for that
You're gorgeous wouldn't no matter what you wear. So it's like
it's so silly to me and
You know growing up where we grew up. It's makes sense
I mean, there's so much imagery of what you're supposed to look like, especially as a woman that
Yeah, it's hard. I can't believe anybody could grow up
Being exposed to all that and
Not be kind of fucked up about it
It's just very deep-rooted about
Your skin and your weight and like all that kind of thing, which is just completely
nonsense
I know. Thank you
If this was our last conversation together, what would you want me to know and why?
I don't believe in like a single like soulmate. But you're definitely one of my soul mates.
So, probably like, you know
one of the most important ones
Yeah, I also feel that
Can I hug you?
If you could give me anything in the world, what would it be and why?
whatever you want
I'll give you whatever you want to make you happy and I would give you confidence
Most of all, I would give you confidence
Why do you love me?
I love who I am when I'm with you
you make it easier for me to love myself
and
You're just such like a thoughtful and
Like you said you you tend to overthink how things affect you and how you affect people and I think that's really such a valuable
Trait
You love me
You're so thoughtful about these things like I wouldn't know
Like I think deep down
I know that this is how you feel about me and just like to see you here like in front of me
Expressing them and like expressing
Frankly, you have expressed everything to me that I also feel about you
It's like
Like magical I don't know like soul mate like you said like it's just
I'm having like
a hard time
like I just feel like you've taken my breath away
And I don't feel like anything I can say from this point on is gonna matter at all because you've said everything that matters
And I love you so much
Hey guys, it's Melanie from the skin-deep. Thank you so much for watching
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