Have you ever seen a bag and wondered what was in it?
[ Laughter ]
If so, you're gonna love our next segment.
It's a little game called "What's In That Bag?"
♪♪
All right. Let's see.
Anybody have guesses to what's in the bag?
MAN: A cannon.
A cannon?
I see that, a little bit. A cannon.
Could be a cannon. Any other guesses?
Back there.
A what? A pair of fetuses playing poker?
I mean, that would be
the perfect escalation of that bit, but, uh...
[ Laughter ]
It is not that at all.
I'm not sure myself,
but I have a time-tested strategy for finding out.
Let me see. Let me see.
Oh! Ow! Ah! Ah!
[ Muffled ] Knock it off! [bleep] off, man!
[Bleep] you mother[bleep]
[ Laughter ]
What's in the bag? Let's see.
Yeah.
It's Eric André, everybody.
Eric André.
The [bleep]
Get away from me.
Ah! Ugh.
What's happening, man? How you doing?
This how you treat me, man?
No, man. I just --
I treat you like the beautiful black independent queen
that you are on my show, and you put me in a [bleep] bag?
That's just -- I don't -- I'm not good with guests.
[ Laughter ]
I didn't tell them to ball-gag you.
No, you listen!
You listen, man!
You -- what?!
People are like, "Hey, what's up with the glasses?
Hannibal keeps toggling back and forth."
Guess what, people?
Three years ago, he had laser surgery,
and those glasses are fake!
What --
And I'm here to put the goddamn rumors to rest!
[ Laughter ]
You're right. He's right.
These are fake glasses, and I have perfect eyesight.
This wasn't the place to do it,
but...even though... I have perfect eyesight,
I identify as somebody that doesn't.
[ Laughter ]
I'm...
trans-eyeball.
[ Laughter ]
How you been, man?
Yeah?
Yeah, I-I got a medical salvia card, so...
[ Laughter ]
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Anything else we should know about?
Bikram yoga?
The Bikram dude is a perv. Do you guys know about this?
The Bikram dude is, like, in trouble.
What'd the Bikram dude do?
He was [bleep] fingering the whole class.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah.
What do you think his excuse is gonna be?
He's like, "Uh, it's a sweaty room,
so I just slid, and then it just happened."
It was like, "Ahh..."
He was doing a stretch.
He was doing, like, a Dhalsim "Street Fighter" stretch
across the [bleep]...
"Grrrsh!"
[ Laughter ]
People were like, "Ugh, is this part of the class?"
I don't -- The crowd is --
I like this part of the bit.
We were done with the bit a long time ago.
We were done with it. It's just kind of now.
Now I'm just, like, I'm wearing my dad's shirt,
and I'm letting my balls swing back and forth.
I'm feeling good.
This is -- Your show's awesome.
It is an awesome show, man.
This is actually all we do the whole show.
Really? This is cool, man.
Yeah, we're gonna get cancelled.
[ Laughter ]
Eric André, everybody! [ Laughing ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Somebody in the audience is like,
"[Bleep], man, they're stuck in a podcast up there."
Yeah. Take your bag with you!
Eric André!