How to light a lightbulb with only a potato.
How to read minds.
So, you want to learn how to read minds, huh?
All you have to do is pick up my new book, How to Read Minds by Ryan Higa.
That's me.
This is not as interesting as I thought it would be.
How to ask a girl out and never get rejected.
So we've been friends for a long time now and I was wondering...
would you go out with me?
Mmm. No.
Because we've been friends for a really long time...
Uh-huh.
And I thought you were dating somebody else...
and...
I...thought you liked guys.
Oh my god!
What are you doing?
We need to get out of here.
So you do want to go out?
How to type faster.
Of course. Of course.
How to revive a dead mouse.
Aw, there we go.
How to make hit song that would be popular today.
I have...
No, got!
I got...
I got that...
What do I got?
I got... (sighs)
So frustrating!
Power!
I got that power.
Huh. What comes next?
Meh.
I got that power.
How to piss off a guy.
Kick his balls.
My ball!
Hit his nuts!
My nuts!
Go for the testicles.
(giggles)
Stop!
Okay?! I have to finish this test.
Stop "testicling" me.
I hate testicles.
How to piss off a girl!
(class bell rings)
Is everything alright?
You look period.
Excuse me?!
Yeah, I said you look pretty weird today.
Is something wrong?
Oh. It's just that--
Oh, I know what it is.
Is it because you're on your rag right now and it's getting dirty?
What?!
Yeah, you probably shouldn't leave it on the ground if you want it to stay clean.
So...I'll just put it in there for you.
Ah! Got it!
It's your next period, huh?
Yeah, you have Math with Mr. Anderson next period, right?
Oh. Yeah.
I know exactly what you're going through.
I know your pain.
I mean, just sitting in class thinking,
"Ugh. Such a heavy flow of math equations."
"You know, P equals MS and just totally cramps our style, you know"
And that fake French accent every time you come to class late and he's like,
"Oh, why 'ovulate'?"
And don't even get me started with his straightened hair.
It's like, it's so weird. Men straightening hair?
Men straight.
Men straight?
Hair?
It just doesn't go together.
And why is it always so hot in there, you know?
He's like, "Do you want the temp off, or the temp on?"
And all the kids are like, "Temp on. Temp on, Mr. Anderson. Temp on. Temp on."
Temp on.
Stop! Could you please just stop?!
Wow. Someone is definitely on their period.
I will see you in three to five days.
Depending on flow.
How to be a really good voice narrator.
Why do you keep reading it like that?
Just read it normal.
What are you talking about?
That's what I'm doing.
No, you're saying it all weird.
Just say, "How to be a really good voice narrator."
(normally) How to be a really good voice narrator.
Yes. Now record it.
Okay!
(with lisp) How to be a really good voice narrator.
Better.
How to blow someone's mind.
And last, but not least, in order to blow someone's mind,
all you have do to recite the infamous poem:
If roses are red
and violets are blue
Then by the commutative property, the color blue is actually violet
And what two colors make violet?
Red and blue.
Which means you need red to make violet.
And since violet is actually blue,
that means you need red to make blue.
But what makes red?
The past tense of read.
Because the word you read more than any other word so far in this equation?
Blue.
You read blue, creating violet.
And because violets are actually blue,
it proves that not only did I just blow your mind,
but everything you just "red" (past tense) actually just "blue" your mind.
Tee-hee!
How to find out how much of your life you wasted today.
Still going.
[echos] Still going, still going.
Now what?
I don't know.