I know that some people just look at us and think, "She gets to do what she does,
she gets to have what she has, because
she has a white husband."
This destroys me.
Hi!
I'm Freddie Harrel, I was born and raised in France.
I am a blogger and an entrepreneur, and I am also married to a white man.
But guess what?
It doesn't say what you think it does.
We met on OKCupid.
So, we met online.
His profile just made me smile.
He had three times the same photo, and he was like super cute in the photo.
He was smiling like this.
And then you know how guys don't smile on social media, and they are like, side posing,
and they are topless, or sunglasses, and here is this guy.
So, I was like, "I like you."
I didn't want him to be my boyfriend, because he was like from the first date, he was so
keen.
He was like, "One day I want to be married and be married forever."
I was like, "Ugh, who speaks like that."
I was like, "Calm down, I don't know, show some game."
My parents are from Cameroon, and they moved when they were 25.
My husband, we couldn't come from more different worlds.
Like honestly, we're from different worlds.
Absolutely, the way we grew up, the way we've been, the things we've been exposed to, the
money we've had.
Completely different experiences for my husband and I, it's mind-blowing.
For my husband, posh upbringing, boarding school, having live-in nannies, tutors and everything.
He is fully aware about his privilege now, and he's becoming more and more radical,
and I love it.
We had to learn together.
We had to learn, the hard way, that some people around him were not what he thought they
were.
At our wedding, some of his friends have been, awful, awful, awful, awful to my friends and,
some of his friends definitely, to say the least, prejudiced.
And it was an education for him to even get there.
I have had to learn to be cautious with the word, "racist."
And I don't use it very often.
I feel like the second you say that someone is racist, they stop listening because you've
insulted them.
Some people are so quick to, see internal, internalized racism, etc.
I have been attacked on social media, because of the color of the skin of my husband.
And the majority of the time, when that happens, it's Black people attacking me.
And this man kept saying, "What is it with you Black European women, African diaspora,
and your white husbands."
As if there is a collective of us really like, working hard on finding our white husbands.
Like this needs to stop.
It's not like I've gone out of my way to find someone, like find a white boyfriend.
A lot of people around me were just white.
I don't know, I'm from France, it's like 65 million people.
I don't think that I have racial issues because I'm married to a white person, in a country
where there is only 3% of us.
I am the breadwinner, my husband at the moment, doesn't work.
He looks after our son, he looks after me, he supports me in my dreams, etc.
But I am the one who works.
I cried when I found out i was having a boy.
I didn't want a boy.
I was so sad.
I wanted a girl, and now I'm just like, "No, no, no I want a boy.
I needed to have this boy."
So, for me, I'm really aware of what it is to be Black.
But then I must admit that I had not really asked myself too many questions about Black
men.
And it shames me to admit that.
My narrative was like, "Black woman."
And ever since I've had a son, I feel like the make up that we had in our relationship,
like with my family around, like the relationship I had with my late father, my brother, all
of these things have really prepared me to also be part of raising the next generation
of Black and brown boys.
I only speak French to my son, and Tom only speaks English to him.
And before he's white and I'm Black, we are from different countries.
My culture, like my African culture, and also the French part as well, it's very, very present
in my son's upbringing and will always be.
And for this, I'm really happy.
And then you look at him, he has the thickest lips, and he has the wide nose, and I think
he is going to be, ugh, I just can't wait.
He is going to be this beautiful, gorgeous, tall, handsome man.
And we are very conscious about how people around us are going to refer to him, or how
they are going to speak to him.
My son is, I would say he's crazy but he's not, he's a little boy.
He has a lot of energy, he's running, he's doing all these things.
He's ridiculously strong.
And you know, in nursery, they could say like, "Oh, he's a beast, he's problematic."
And to this little white boy they would be like, "oh, he's very opinionated.
Oh, he knows what he wants.
This is good, he is very confident.
He's assured."
If we teach our boys to believe that they are problematic, what are the chances that
we- how many opportunities are we really giving them?
So, then it like so easy to look at teenagers and their behaviors, but if from the age
of two you've been telling him that his energy, his strength, his stamina, his drive, all
of this is problematic, how do you expect him to grow into a very well behaved or driven
teenager or a driven or confident adult?
Someone who really believes in himself.
So, my husband is at the top of the food chain.
At the very top.
It's like blond, blue eyes, family holidays on the other side of the world, and all of
that.
But, imagine going from being the number one, to giving birth to someone who is almost,
towards the bottom.
For my husband, I think, that makes him so determined to be very, very educated around races
and very educated around his privilege. Really make sure that his son has the path that he
deserves, the same way that he has had a path given to him, and all of these opportunities.
And I also want him, as he grows, to be fully aware of his white privilege.
I also want my son to keep this in mind.
That he is also half white, and because of that, his skin is a certain tone.
That might open more doors then it would if, my brother, for example.
I want him to definitely be proud to be both, and to use both heritages to really elevate
the consciousness of both races basically.
This is what I would tell my son.
"This is, beyond you, this is bigger than you.
This is a decision of your higher self or this is the decision of God, however you want
to see it, it comes from higher.
And this happened for a reason, and you just have to look for how this is happening for
you, and how you can turn this, how you have to turn this, into a positive experience for
your community as a consciousness."
I know it sounds cheesy, but I fell in love with the person, especially when it comes
to my husband, it's like, he's Tom.
He's my Tom Tom, he's my person.
People fall in love.
That's it.
I don't know.