I recently talked about the idea of introducing acts perceived as violent or aggressive into the
bedroom and you can watch that video here. But I didn't discuss why couples might be interested in
doing such a thing. So why the hell would anybody want to feel or cause pain in the bedroom? Keep
watching till the end to find out! My name is Helena Nista and I make videos that help you have
the best sex of your life. And today, we're diving into the appeal of pain sensations during erotic
experiences. A week or two ago I watched about half an episode of this show on Netflix called
"How to build a sex room". My professional curiosity got the better of me and I had to
check it out. It's about this lady - a sex room designer - who goes to homes of ordinary couples
(after they invite her of course) and she designs their sex rooms. So they would have a space,
a room that they want to turn into a sex room and she would design something really opulent,
luxurious and very sexy for them. And so she's shown on the show talking to one of these couples.
She shows them a flogger and a few other items, just to get a sense of what they might be into.
And the guy, the male partner, expresses the sentiment of curiosity of why anybody
would actually want to play with pain in bed. He just didn't see the appeal of that. And that got
me thinking because this is exactly how I used to think about pain. I would always respect whatever
other people wanted to play with but for myself, I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of
wanting to be physically hurt during sex. But now a lot has changed! I love being spanked, flogged,
whipped, I love my hair being pulled and I even occasionally like being choked. All these things
can give me a lot of pleasure, excitement and they can even give me orgasms. Yes, I have
been flogged to orgasms and I have been spanked to orgasms as well. So let's talk about that,
shall we? Many years ago, I read a wonderful book by Barbara Carrellas called "Urban Tantra".
And in this book she describes two kink scenes that stayed with me particularly strongly. One
of these scenes happened in a sex dungeon sort of place and Barbara was watching these two men
engaged in flogging. One of them was using the flogger and the other one was on the receiving
end of the flogger's impact. The thing that was particularly captivating about this scene
was this complete sense of presence in the dom, the gentleman with the flogger. In any
king scene a dom means the dominant partner and a sub means the submissive one. And so there
was this incredible focus on his face and all the strokes of the flogger were administered with such
amazing care, they were timed with a lot of precision and their intensity was carefully
measured by his hand. He was watching his sub's body and face intently the entire time and he was
really responding to the state of his partner and to whatever was wanted and desired in each moment.
And it was also incredibly beautiful to watch and witness the bliss and ecstasy on the face of
the sub as he was receiving and then processing the impact and the energy that the flogger was
sending through his body. And there was also another kink scene in that book, an even more
intense one. This one was between two women where one of them was inserting disinfected needles
into the bare chest of the other one. Next, they dom partner wove a thread through those
needles in order to be able to pull on them. And as she was pulling on these threads and needles,
she was in this scene as well doing it in such a slow, mindful, present and measured way. And
there is something you need to understand here. Whenever the body is under stress,
it releases different hormones that cause chemical changes in our system. And when these hormones
are released in this kind of completely safe situation with a lover, they can induce states
of euphoria and bliss. And this woman receiving the stimulation through the needles was completely
euphoric in that moment, similarly to the gentleman being flogged by his partner. People are
so different in their needs and desires when it comes to their erotic expression. And bringing
pain into your bedroom is never meant to create a situation where you're sort of folding down in
pain, it's never meant to be an abusive or violent situation where you're shocked by your partner and
you're thinking "what the fuck are they doing??". And so don't ever think for one moment that I'm
excusing hurting your partner in bed. Also, you need to understand that everybody has got
their own threshold of pain and how much of it is right to induce these states of euphoria. Like,
I enjoy very much being spanked or flogged. But I've never had it done to the point where it would
leave any marks on my skin. Or where it would make me feel resentful or unwilling to continue.
I would make sure to ask for the exact duration and intensity that works for me. And that never
involves marks being left on my body, that's just my preference and my threshold of pain.
But I have seen people with very intense looking bruises from this kind of kinky play and it sort
of looked disturbing to me at the time. But to witness the scene played out between these two
people that led to these bruises was quite an experience! Seeing the bliss and utter surrender
on the face of the sub was just incredible and I absolutely know that there was nothing wrong,
abusive or unwanted about that act. So wherever you sit on the pain-versus-pleasure spectrum is
right and perfectly fine. It's your body and your choice. If you know that playing with pain is not
for you and never will be - awesome, there's no problem with that. Or if you know that pain is
among the most thrilling and exciting things in the world for you, perfect,
enjoy! Just make sure to communicate clearly your needs, desires and boundaries to your lover.
And if you've never tried playing with pain but you're curious, I hope that this video gave you
some helpful ideas and awareness. So now go and explore, play and be curious! And always, always
get your partner's consent before you try anything new. It's crucial to be respectful of both
yourself and whoever else you're playing with. And if you'd like even more powerful tips, techniques
and advice about great sex, make sure to check out my free online course Tantra For Beginners and my
awesome book Legendary Lover. Both are available on my website and you'll also find the links in
the description bar below. Please also make sure to browse my channel and watch any other videos
that spark your curiosity. And if you'd like to support the work that I do here on YouTube,
please consider buying me a coffee through my Patreon account. Patreon allows anybody to
support us YouTubers with a small financial gift. And if you're still here watching, you're awesome!
So please smash that 'Like' button and leave me a comment below - what are your thoughts on playing
with pain in the bedroom? I always read all the comments and I respond to them personally. And I
can't wait to chat with you under this video. Have a glorious day and I'll see you next week on this
channel and if you're following my vlogging channel then I'll see you there even sooner!