I grew up in a conservative christian home. There was one way.
God was the final judge, and I was probably in trouble.
Based on how... (laughs) You know... just not being perfect and not doing everything right!
But boy my experience... the unconditional love that I experienced.
How do I put into words being held in the arms of God?
Before the accident I was a red personality. You know, driven! Career guy! I mean, I was running my
own ad agency. We were winning a lot of big awards. And it was kind of a game of, you know...
Make the team! Get the job! Get the girl! Get the car! Get the house! And I was also very judgmental.
My near-death experience was associated to the crash. It was a single car rollover.
You know, the whole family was in the car. And I was banged up really bad. Both my legs were crushed.
My left leg was amputated above the knee. My back was broken, but the spinal column not damaged.
My rib cage was crushed. My lungs collapsed. My right arm almost torn off. The seat belt cut through me.
And ruptured all my insides, but it was at that moment, and I didn't even realize the injuries, but it was...
at the darkest moment... I knew I couldn't move. I was losing consciousness. I was also very aware that
both Tamra, my wife and Griffin my youngest son were gone. I was aware at the scene that they...
...did not make it.
My older son, who was seven years old, was crying hysterically, and that
was the moment where I lost consciousness.
Suddenly there was this calm and I felt light.
It felt like tangible light came, and surrounded me like I was surrounded in light.
I rose above the scene of the accident and suddenly I was fine. The pain was gone.
I was able to breathe and I was even wondering, "What's going on here?"
All of a sudden I realized that I was not alone. My wife, who I knew was deceased at the scene of the accident,
Was there with me. I know... and I don't often talk about this because it's difficult...
What took Tamra's life in the accent was head trauma. So when I say suddenly she was there...
She was there beautiful! Perfect! Everything was okay! She was not injured! She was glorious, and yet...
She was the one giving the message, "You've got to go back. You can't stay here. You've got to go."
Here I am looking at the woman I love more than life, but I've got a little boy crying in the backseat of that car.
And I've got to go back. As soon as I made that decision to come back, that's
when I found myself wandering around the hospital. Like moving freely. My spirit was out of my body.
And this is what shifted me probably forever. As I was seeing... you know... the doctors, the nurses, the
patients, the families of the patients. But I was really seeing them! I wasn't looking at, "Oh wow look
there's a heroin addict! Well that's their own fault! They made those bad choices."
I was seeing everyone as these glorious divine perfect beings, and realizing...
"Wow, look what they've taken on in their life experience!"
And how beautiful, and how courageous, and how powerful they are because of it!
You know... the heroin addict, but also the saintly grandmother. And just all of a sudden we were all
in this together having a different unique experience surrounded in unconditional love!
And I was seeing it clearly without judgments, and that's what was cool!
I eventually came to a body, a man laying on the gurney, that I didn't feel anything from. Which I found was very odd.
Given the profound things I'd been experiencing. So I stepped closer to look, and that's when I realized.
"Oh that's that's me!" But that wasn't me! I was having this incredible experience, but...
...that was my body! That was the skin suit that I'd been having this experience in, and I was really
quite overcome with sadness because I knew I had to get back in. But my body was an absolute wreck.
It was as natural as the thought! I mean, I realized our intentions are so powerful because...
I thought, "How am I going to get back in?"
But I didn't have to figure out how. And it was very painful to go back in. I mean it felt like a lead...
You know... blankets had been stacked. It was very heavy! It was very dense! And then of course all the
physical pain from the injuries, but also the emotional pain and trauma. You know the guilt.
The regret. The the absolute panic... of um... of the bereavement and losing half the family, and what
had happened and also the fear of where is my surviving son and is he okay? You know?
I was in the hospital for almost five months, so I was in ICU for... I mean... two and a half almost three months.
And yes I was on a lot of morphine! Gosh, I had a self admin button, which the only thing that worked
on me was my one left hand! But I would admit that morphing till it just knocked me out.
And it was a long haul in the hospital. The interesting thing for me is the two profound experiences...
The second most profound happened at the end of my hospital stay! So... I'll never forget them!
No matter how much morphine or what I went through. The spiritual things are like yesterday! I don't
remember the timeline sometimes of surgeries, or what happened, or what order, but I knew when
I left my body at the scene of the accident. There was no morphine there! That was right at the scene!
And then the second most profound experience was at the end of my hospital stay. After I was out
of ICU, out of surgical recovery! I was actually in the rehabilitation unit and was only taking
some tylenol for pain. But I went back into those realms. I felt all that light again.
I felt that rush of light surrounding me, and then that rise above the hospital. But I thought, "Oh wow!"
"I know what this is! I felt this before!" Suddenly the pain was gone and this time the light went
away, and I was in the most incredible, beautiful place. And the word I used now was, "I was home!"
You know I had always talked about heaven or the other side, but boy this was home!
I began to run! The strange thing is it felt very physical! It's like I could feel the
ground under my feet! It felt like the most physical, sensual experience I had ever had!
And yet, you know... I got the message that I wasn't there to stay, and I intuitively knew I was to go
down this corridor, which was to my left. And so I made my way down the corridor, and actually
that's where I encountered my little toddler son. In fact he was sleeping in a crib. And gosh... I just
swept him up and felt him. And as I held him I felt an intense presence come up behind me, which was so
overwhelming! And I knew I'm in the presence of God! But as I held my little boy I felt those divine
arms wrap around and hold me. And there was a huge download of wisdom peace and all of those things.
Yeah, that may have been the most profound... um near death, or visit to the other side of all of them. You know?
I've finally come to the conclusion that we're always enough! From a very early age I always
felt inadequate. I wasn't enough. I over achieved to make up for it. I had loving parents, they were
divorced, but gosh they were great! You know? It was self-imposed! That's what I realized. I impose
on myself! Self-love is the key. If I can love and accept myself then I'm filled with love, and
therefore then I can give abundantly to others in a way that really does send a ripple effect
out of healing. And of the world shifting into a higher consciousness. It's the old beautiful truth...
"Love your neighbor as yourself" And I was running, running, running loving the neighbors, and I was
looking for the neighbors to give all the love back to me! When in reality until I loved myself, I
had nothing to give! I was always going to be empty until I realized that the light was within me!
And that... and that, I was the key to my own peace.
We all have our challenges, you know?
I mean it wasn't just weeks ago that I was picking myself up off the ground saying, "Oh my gosh!" You know?
(laughs)
You know, you just you do! You get smacked down and then it has to transform to not only self-love,
but just just trusting yourself! And trusting the universe that this is only an experience!
I'm going to learn from it, and I'm certainly going to get through it, and then I'll be bigger, better
and brighter on the other side, and so... Seeing it as a gift, but when things get hard? That's what I was
struggling with! When it gets really hard sometimes you don't see it as a gift! You're like, "Okay this...
is not good!" And then uh... it isn't until hindsight that we say, "Wow look what I learnt!" You know?
"Look what I learnt from that!" Life is a gift, and that was the biggest shift! I thought it was a test.
No, it's a gift! And every step... gosh... let's take it in gratitude, because...
had it gone another way I might have still been in that wheelchair!
Time became irrelevant! I had a very strong sense that all I had was now! Yesterday is gone and I
have no idea what's going to happen 10 minutes from now, but boy I have now! And in this sacred
moment I can choose how I'm going to be, how I'm going to project, and what kind of love I'm going
to share. And that's... that... that yeah... I don't wear a watch. It just seems irrelevant to me.