this isn't how we usually do it but hey
films rarely fail so spectacularly going
to the ball could get dangerous
welcome to watchmojo.com old themed
movies released less than a month apart
in late 2000 19 in early 2020 failed
more spectacularly so grab some popcorn
and buckle up this one's gonna be both
entertaining and messy round one cast
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for his adaptation of the hit Broadway
musical director Tom Hooper managed to
line up a stellar cast of talented
actors including Dame Judi Dench Sir Ian
McKellen Idris Elba Ray Winstone and
Jennifer Hudson alongside proven comic
stars like James Corden and rebel Wilson
all things considered this film was in a
great position to succeed but for
whatever reason most of the affer
mentioned stars are relegated to
relatively supporting or bit parts and
while musical numbers by skilled
vocalists Jason Derulo and Taylor Swift
are welcome the known quantities in the
cast as a whole just feels seriously
under and misused I judge a cat bite so
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Doolittle has the good sense to put its
biggest money-making star front and
center there are few male leads more
bankable than Robert Downey jr. and as
the Sherlock Holmes films proved our
DJ's charms can be applied to more
iconic characters than just Tony Stark
not only that but in this film he is
supporting a truly awe-inspiring list of
big-name stars including Tom Holland
Emma Thompson ray Fiennes rami malek
Octavia Spencer
Selena Gomez John Cena and more the
problem they're only offering up their
speaking voices to the animal characters
dr. forceps please that's a piece of
celery
Horsham cutter that is awesome no it's
too soon hey never mind don't get it
myself
in terms of live-action co-stars RDJ is
joined by the great Michael Sheen and
Antonio Banderas but they're not exactly
faces the young kids the target
demographic are clamoring to see both of
these films were armed with a much
better roster of performers than most
but ultimately Kat squandered far more
talent
and so it takes the first round loser
cats right well that's not going to work
is it that's what I say to you
round two performances
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even the most gifted performers can turn
in a stinker from time to time when they
don't genuinely connect with the
material cats is a decidedly mixed bag
in this regard for example the APRA
mentioned James Corden and rebel
Wilson's turns are meant as comedic
relief but there's a serious cringe
factor to their feline antics Taylor
Swift on the other hand actually does a
great job however brief for screen time
as the mischievous bumble arena McKellen
and Dench for their parts are as
reliable as ever even armed with silly
material but the real saving grace of
this film is Jennifer Hudson's
Grizabella who genuinely makes you feel
for her plight
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we've seen Robert Downey jr. delivers
some stellar performances over the years
the guy knows how to work the camera
but the typically reliable thespian so
awesome in iconic roles as Charlie
Chaplin Sherlock Holmes and Tony Stark
never seems to truly find his footing as
the titular Doctor John Dolittle
attempting to play a character that's
aimed at children he seems to be at a
loss for an age-appropriate personality
and so instead he's just sort of bland
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don't get us wrong it's still our DJ so
it's totally watchable but we know how
much better he can do for a guy who can
talk to animals Dolittle feels
shockingly two-dimensional and
unfortunately the same goes for his
human co-stars nobody told me there be a
dragon
thanks in no small part to the colossal
efforts of Jennifer Hudson cats actually
has some scenes worth watching
unfortunately the same cannot really be
said for Dolittle
you're just not gonna care about these
characters and so Doolittle takes it to
tie the score up loser Doolittle Round
three
plot the most deserving cat will be
reborn into another life over the years
many a convoluted mind-bending film has
left audiences debating its true meaning
but hey
primer Donnie Darko Mulholland Drive the
holy mountain they ain't got nothin on
cats okay that might be a stretch but
still
unlike the affirmation films cats
doesn't ask any big questions or toy
with complex themes at least not the
weak attached we can be who we've always
dreamed to be
anything is possible instead it barrels
along from one song to the next and due
to the almost complete absence of
traditional dialogue there's very little
in terms of exposition it all centers
around a musical competition where cats
compete for a chance at a new life but
you'll need to remind yourself of all
that throughout the film so the whole
show is made up we just do some poppers
and say whatever comes to mind
Jellicle griddle bone MUNGO JERRY jimmy
McCracken's
we get what the plot is to do little
because well the one thing that's most
certainly not lacking in the movie is
exposition but just because you spell
something out doesn't make it any less
tangential clumsy or unnatural while the
few positive reviews of this film did
praise its fidelity to the source
material simply honoring the original
does not a good adaptation make some
might also say that you shouldn't hold a
children's film to very high narrative
standards but you know what even young
children deserve something more
substantial than this paper-thin plot do
you need to stay behind to guard the
Queen stand back everyone while I secure
the perimeter which is probably why they
didn't even bother alluding to a plot in
the trailer so that was a pretty
scathing indictment of Doolittle's plot
but you know what at least it had one
and so by this meager margin it is
superior to cats
the singing kitties lose another one of
those nine lives loser
cats spotlight and a drumroll please
round for sheer awfulness let's just say
it cats is bad like really bad even if
you the viewer don't have the slightest
grasp on how to make a film or write a
script you can tell that something's
gone seriously amiss with this movie
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we all can't help but wonder how many
nights tom hooper and cinematographer
Christopher Ross lay awake staring at
the ceiling agonizing over how to
salvage this visually frenetic nightmare
heck even an alien armed with a
one-sentence definition of narrative
cinema would likely consider this film
to have missed the mark artistically we
feed off of each other put those things
together and I believe the chat magic in
short it is a cinematic failure of the
most spectacular variety from the plot
to the special effects to the pacing
it's unlike anything you've ever seen
before and not in a good way are you
going to try for a different life
Doolittle is in and of itself as a piece
of entertainment a relatively harmless
creation kids won't walk away any worse
for having seen it they just won't have
learned anything from it either
or necessarily cared for it much but
from a filmmaking perspective it's a
real Frankenstein's monster it takes a
big-name actor a massive budget a list
of stars a mile long a beloved
children's character and tries to use
them as the glue to hold together a
colossal a messy pastiche of adventure
movie cliches and tropes it simply
doesn't work despite everything that
gets crammed into its hour and 31 minute
runtime it is a bore approached from any
angle it's really tough to enjoy that's
good if you're gonna mess up at least do
it in an interesting way cats will go
down as one of the most bizarre
big-budget failures in the history of
the film medium it's likely to become an
ironic cult classic like the room haha
aren't you
Dolittle on the other hand simply fails
by every conventional criteria by which
movies are judged and since it fails to
ascend to the heights of being so bad
it's good it wins or loses this round
loser Dolittle I have nipples Greg can
you milk me okay before we continue be
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round five CGI tonight is a magical
night where I choose the cat it deserves
a new life in modern gaming it's pretty
much standard operating procedure for
developers to release updates to fix
issues with the game post release but
such a practice is all but unheard of in
film that is until now there were
apparently such major issues with the
CGI in cats that the studio literally
sent out an updated version with quote
some improved visual effects whatever
they did well it wasn't enough what's
your name
cat got your tongue the garish
computer-generated environments are
extremely distracting as is the
inconsistency in how the various actors
are turned into cats some look like
anthropomorphic felines others just seem
to have their human faces skin and all
pasted on a cat-like body it's really
confusing and pretty much the definition
of the uncanny valley and sadly it seems
that with advances in computer
technology anything that can be
generated in post-production will be
generated in post-production do little
special effects are not particularly
awful they can't hold a candle to save
The Lion King or war for the Planet of
the Apes but they're you know fine the
thing is there's just so much in the end
result is that rather than inspiring a
sense of wonder it all just leaves you
feeling hollow as CGI animals navigate
CGI environments populated by just a
couple of flesh-and-blood actors it
begins to feel like an animated film
especially when the action picks up
uninspired and overabundant as do little
CGI might be at least it won't haunt you
for years to come after you've seen cats
on the other hand well all bets are off
how cats got made a full decade after
avatar and still looks this bad we'll
never know but with those effects it
more than earns the round and the
competition loser cats
did we pick the right disaster of the
film be sure to debate it in the
comments and of course don't forget to
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