whenever I have a crush on someone I
instantly become detectives yeah you
heard me
I become several detectives the mode
transaction history indicates latest
relationship is at least a year old and
they live together LinkedIn profile
shows no more than three-month gaps
between jobs upward mobility and
consistency our evidence bingo bango
found their old address wait really
how famo transaction history revealed
ex-girlfriend's name which led to her
Instagram when she posted several photos
inside of an apartment that they shared
which had four consecutive window walls
facing the West based on the timeline of
his LinkedIn he lived in Echo Park at
the time so I looked up Zillow and
redfin listings for that area and search
window Wallace looked at the interior
photos of those listings and bam
previous addresses one two three future
street now I know this example seems
like I'm exaggerating for the sake of
comedy but or not I am incredibly good
at stalking to the point that several of
my friends will come to me when they're
dating someone new as a preliminary
background check and I know I'm not the
only one who is like this several of my
girlfriend's could be moonlighting as
private investigators we all have this
knack for finding things that are not
readily available in a typical Google
search and recently I was wondering if
this quality makes me a bad person so of
course I did what I always do when I
hate an aspect of myself I go to my
therapist and for the record my
therapist is the queen of reframing if I
say I'm too sensitive she challenges
you're compassionate if I amuse that
have too many feelings she proposes you
have emotional depth oh yeah well I'm
aggressive here assertive an overshare
vulnerable like internet stock like a
mother plant makes you hyper vigilant
actually quite like a detective
I've never felt more seen now I do want
to clarify she has explicitly stated
that I will never do the disservice of
just being a cheerleader it doesn't
serve either of us for me to just
blindly validate you when I see areas to
work on or blind spots that you may need
to be aware of
we will consciously work on that and any
good therapist will have the same
viewpoint they should not be there just
to cheer you on blindly while you engage
in bad behavior but she illuminated
something about my stalking for me hyper
vigilance is a survival mechanism
developed in children in order to help
them make friends and fit in since you
came from a military family and your
environment changed so frequently you
needed to be able to read a room to make
friends quickly to fit into new cultures
to survive in your family honor that it
helped you okay she just like blows my
mind constantly because one of the
biggest revelation she's given me is
that every part of yourself that you may
hate or that you think it's too much or
that feels broken it exists because it
was a survival mechanism you had as a
kid and the great thing is once we're
aware of that we can like let it go or
use it in a more healthy way so to all
of you fellow detectives out there now
we know we are detectives because of the
childhood trauma or just regular trauma
we either needed to be detectives to
survive or we've been hurt before and
are now trying to protect ourselves but
what about you what qualities do you
have that could use some reframing tell
me all about your childhood trauma in
the comments below I'm Anna Akana and
thank you to privacy for sponsoring
today's video if you're introverted like
myself you may spend a lot of time
shopping online and if you do a lot of
shopping online you've probably had your
identity stolen a few times literally
last month I found fraudulent charges
and had to cancel my card re-enroll in
all my auto payments and I was like this
is enough is enough this happens to me
so much but that is where privacy comes
in privacy allows you to generate a
brand-new virtual card number for every
single purchase that you make online
protecting your actual card
from hackers and identity thieves the
service is easy to set up his
military-grade encryption does not sell
your information and they make their
money from merchants making it
completely free for you to use you can
make as many cards as you want and set
maximum spending limits for each of them
it's super easy if there are only two
steps to getting the perks of privacy
one create an account - like a checking
account or debit card bingo bango baby
you are done if you want to make the
process even faster when you're shopping
you can also install a browser extension
hey I'll go to privacy calm / Anna Akana
- sign up today and get five dollars to
spend on your first purchase maybe get
that comfy Necco sweater from ghosts and
stars wherever you want to spend that
free five dollars go to privacy calm /
anaconda - sign up now