I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins, a professional psychologist. I've asked Vicki to join me
again today. She is my lovely wife and she is raising a professional
psychologist. We're going to take a look today at a British documentary show
called real stories where they tell the story of an obese 5-year-old. We'll
react to that as parenting experts. And you get to get our psychological take on
what's going on in this documentary.
Let's jump in at the part of this documentary where they introduce Leon, a
5-year-old who is extremely obese. Let's take a look. -This morning, he's
seeing Leon, his mother and grandmother.
-Leon has the average weight of a 17-year old but he is only 5. -Average weight
of a 17-year old. -But he's 5. -As this kid came through the door, I remember seeing
kids like this. Maybe not to this extent. I wouldn't have guessed that he's 5. -No,
he looks much older. I would guess maybe 7 or 8 based on his stature. But in terms
of his weight, he's the average weight of a 17-year old. -Hmm. -Let's see what else
they can tell us about him. -There you are. Big boy.
-Something I've noticed already, Vicki. He came in and
started grabbing things. You'll notice he's got a stethoscope that he has
picked up and just kind of put it on. This isn't uncommon for a 5-year-old
to do. -To just walk into a doctor's office and take over. -But it's
interesting to me because what I'm putting together already is that we've
got a child who is obviously overweight, obese, morbidly obese. And he doesn't seem
to appreciate that maybe there are some limits that he should be complying to in
this setting. -Right. Just respectful of kind of authority, new places, adults.
-Right. -Obviously, one of the things that comes up here is: Why?. What's going on
with this kid? -What has caused him to become so morbidly obese? -Right. Let's
see how this plays out and if we can get some insight into what's going on with
this kid, specifically.
-Leon is not an isolated case. Dr. Didi is seeing bigger children at a
younger age. -Maybe to do with their diet. Working quite often the amount
of time they spend watching television, how much time they spend outside being
physically active and the type of foods they eat. -Not too surprising. So, you hear
this doctor commenting about things that you would expect. -Right. -The type of food
they eat, their activity level, how much contact they're having with parents, how
much time... -Maybe time spent alone and the types of foods that they're eating as
well. We learned back in psychology school, at least when I was going through
my doctoral program in psychology, we were talking about diagnosis. And you
hear this from medical students too. They say when you hear hoofbeats think
horses, not zebras. So, and all that means is when you see a
familiar constellation of symptoms, you're going to naturally go to what the
most common explanations would be for that. And that's what this doctor is
doing. He's saying, "Look, these are the things that contribute to childhood
obesity." -And that's just like calories in versus calories out. I mean, we're going
to go back to that. -I also noticed he said that or the documentary pointed
out that he's seeing a lot more obese children that... -That children are coming in
heavier than they've ever been. -Right. Which probably indicates that this is
something we need to pay some attention to. -Yes. -Definitely. The documentary
actually gets into some discussion about is this genetics? Or is this
environmental? -Right. -And I think this is important when we get to the part that
we'll see you here in just a minute about the mom and what's going on in the
parenting end of things. It's really a combination of all of that. -Right. -You
know and we want so bad as parents to kind of be off the hook that it's not
any of our part. -Right. And there might... There
always a little bit of everything. There's a balance going on. But it's very
hard sometimes to admit which part is ours and what we need to change. And I
think we see that in this situation. -We'll skip over a part where Leon's mom
explains that she feels this is a genetic issue. And that's not surprising.
She is... As you will see, she's a very concerned, very connected mom. She wants
good things for her son. And so, for her to suggest that it's a genetic problem,
the doctor picks that up and he says, "Yes, we're going to look into that." -Right. -But
remember the doctor is trained to think horses, not zebras.
-Right, exactly. -For this to be caused completely by a genetic issue, very
unlikely. -Right. -He's going to look into the possibilities of that. But this brings up
for me, Vicki how important it is for us as parents to feel like we're doing a
good job. -Right. -And when something like this happens with our kids, we don't want
it to land on on us. -No. And I think one of the hard parts is there are genetic
components to a lot of things. Neurological biases and then there's
environment. And there's a play in all of those. -Right. -And I think one of the
hardest parts for parents to take on is that often, even though we may not have
caused it fully, right? Because there's a genetic predisposition for something,
there are things we can do that can shape it or correct it. And that
makes us kind of take on "Maybe this is all my fault.
If I can do something to improve it. Maybe I caused the whole thing." And I do
think that as parents we have to be really careful with that. You know, I run
into this a lot with parents who have children who are not neuro typical. -Yeah.
-And it's not that they've caused the problems but we do want to see what part
can we alter. So, does this child have a genetic predisposition to overweight.
Very likely he may. -Sure. -About what can we do in his environment to improve it,
to change it. What have we done already to make it worse? What can we do to make
it better? -Vicki, that brings up
some really important points about what we can do as parents. In fact, I think in
this next clip, the doc is going to explain some of that. So, let's take a
look. When you think of tooth decay and obesity and smoking
where does responsibility lie do you think? -We could stop all of them not with
high technology medicine but with simple things that really parents can take
responsibility and authority for a make happen. -Just what you were saying really.
-Parents can take responsibility for certain things that could prevent some
of these problems that are going on with their kids. -That prevention is so
important and correction. Both prevention and correction. And just
accepting what part we can manipulate the environment. -Right. -Schools out on the East
Liverpool Councillor State where Sharon has come to meet her 5-year-old son,
Leon. It's a journey of 700 yards. But Leon struggles with walking. So, Sharon
and her mother stand by with a wheelchair. -Okay. I'm just seeing some
things about that. -They're planning on him not being able to do it. -Did you hear
what they said about the distance? 700 yards. Okay, that's a pretty good walk. Is
it doable for a 5-year-old? -Yeah. -Absolutely. But mom and grandma show up
with a wheelchair. -Yep. Standing by to help. Right. -Okay. Let's let it play. -He
gets with the grass.
-Despite Dr. Deedee's advice to increase Leon's physical exercise,
Sharon think she can't make him do any more than he already does. -Well, a couple
of things I know so as soon as she said, "Okay, when we go when you get to the
grass, you can have a sit down." And he goes on and starts talking about
something about class. He's not even that concerned
sitting down. -He's not thinking about, "Oh, I'm going to get tired." But mom is. -Right. And
when he gets the grass, I noticed he's got energy and he's running. And he's not
whining and asking to sit down. -And mom congratulated him. "Oh, good job." Again, my
experience in watching Leon's story is that mom is really connected. -Of course,
she is. She really wants the best for him. Otherwise, she wouldn't have taken him to
the doctor. -But she made a good point, Vicki, that she is the one who's saying,
"Hey, get clear to the grass and then we'll let you have a sit-down." and then
it calls back to the doctor having said, "We've got to increase his activity level."
Right? But mom has hasn't to do that because she doesn't want to ask him to
do more than he can do more than he already does really. -In this next scene,
they get home after Leon gets a little lift in the wheelchair. Mom gets down on
the floor, she's playing with Leon, she's trying to engage with him and
she makes a comment about the diet. So, let's look at that next.
-His mother insists Leon's diet is healthy. As we film for 2 hours, we see
how hard she works on the difficulty she faces. So, the film crew is there for
2 hours. And they're attesting to she's working hard. She's playing with
him. So, I want to skip forward to another clip where mom offers Leon some snacks. I
want to see what you think about this too because you haven't seen this yet.
There's some interesting things that happen. Let's take a look. -Okay, listen.
Apple, strawberry? Apple, orange, banana all chopped up in a bowl.
Okay.
-Did you catch what happened there?
It's a little hard to follow the language. But mom is offering Leon... -Right.
-Fruits, right? Healthy snacks. Now, she's still holding the wheelchair. -Uh-huh. -They
just got home from school and she's she's offering them the snacks. Now, he's
pitching a little fit. -Yeah, is he upset about the snacks? -Well, I know this from
the context because he wants cake. -I thought I said apple cake or something.
-Yeah. And so he's throwing a little fit about
that. So, watch what happens. There's the cake.
Now, I am NOT going to Leon
school and saying, "Leon can not go that party because he's not allowed there."
-Okay, real quick. The cake comes. -Right. So, it was a gift at school. Maybe a kid had a
birthday party or something like that. -Now, mom is saying, "Look, Leon's not used
to having chocolate cake. She offers him healthy foods." But she doesn't want to
say that he can't have a treat for something that's happening at school,
right? They're having a party at school. She wants him to be able to be involved
and engaged with the other kids. So, he had thrown this little fit.
Grandma has the cake. She's picked it up at school.
And they produced it and he's sitting on the couch now enjoying his cake. -And
I can't quite tell. I see that there are grapes beside him. So, she has offered him
the healthy snack as well. -Right. -And I know that that's something that's often
you can kind of try to change environment by offering, you know, first
do this then do that. And maybe she offered that or maybe she gave him both,
I don't know exactly. -Right. A few minutes later after, he's eaten the cake,
mom offers him some healthy snacks. -Again? -Yeah. Let's look.
-Strawberries or bananas.
-Defensive of what she feeds her son. -I just wish someone by to put a
camera in the corner of my house and watch my son then come back and tell me
I'm doing something wrong.
-Okay. Oh, dear. Alright. First of all, just do the math here. He already ate the cake,
mom asked him... -But there were grapes beside him. Did you see? -She's
already offered him. She'd already had at least one snack right out to him. -Right.
Now, she says, "Do you want strawberries? Bananas?" Then she goes and cuts it up for him
prepares it for him and brings it to him on the couch. -Hmm. -Arguably healthy treats.
Now, she's being a little defensive here in this clip. Because as we talked about
earlier... -Yes. -She doesn't want to be fingered for, you know... "You're the one
who has caused all of this problem." She is a good mom who's
trying to do the best thing for her son. And so she said, "If you bring a camera
into my house, you're going to see there's nothing I'm doing wrong." There is a
camera in her house. And we're observing some interesting things here. I'm not
going to show this particular clip because this is a full hour documentary.
It highlights several other kids as well. Leon's story caught my attention for a
number of reasons. A little later they talked about the
exercise component. So, obviously, diet is an important part. And we've already seen
that Leon in a period of 2 hours has consumed 4 snacks including chocolate
cake and several healthy snacks that his mom provided for him on the couch and a full meal. And
I saw the plate for this meal. It was a full meal. This is a 5-year-old. -Yeah.
And I think that is something just nationally... Well, world wide. We've kind of
gotten a little bit of skewed about what our portions are, what our body needs.
-Right. So and sometimes, that gluttony that overfeeding happens as a result of
the anxieties that we have about our scarcity or lack or that our children
aren't going to have what they want and need. And this is obviously going
overboard a little bit. But go back to the exercise for a minute. Obesity is a
factor of calories in versus calories out. -Right. -Now, what causes that? Could it
be genetics? Could it be... Sure. There's a lot of things.... But calories out has
to do with activity, exercise. The doctor was asked a little later on about the
exercise because he was encouraging mom and grandma
"Let's get Leon more active. Let's get him increasing his activity." And they
said, "Did you know that when they pick him up from school, they bring a
wheelchair?" And the doctor about came unglued.
-You know, I think this really speaks to something that we as
parents. And I know I have fought against this myself is we're so
uncomfortable with our children being uncomfortable. You know? -Right. -It's just a
really common. And so, I think we have to ask ourselves, "Why am I so
uncomfortable with this situation? Is it because it's harmful? Or is it because I
don't want my child to be uncomfortable?" I remember saying to a friend one time
about... One of my sons who was married and going through a really kind of a tight
financial situation. "I just said, I just really don't want him to have to
suffer like that." Then she looked at me she said, "Well, why not?"
And I thought. "Well..." And she kind of just said... You know, led me to kind of walk down the
road of the things I've learned through going through some financially tight
times and what she had. I think that we just need to as parents sometimes get
comfortable with our child being uncomfortable. -You can see in this
example how if mom would be willing to allow Leon to struggle just a little
more. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to ask him to do more than he's
already doing. But if she would be willing to do that,
we could increase his activity level. We could decrease some of the calorie
intake here in an appropriate way that allows him to become healthy again. I'm
concerned about his health. -Right. -And they profiled this particular case
because it's an extreme case. But this happens at less extreme levels all the
time. I want to comment though, Vicki before we wrap up
video about the approach with mom. I believe that this mom loves her son.
And she is doing her darnest to create a healthy environment for him. She
doesn't see all of the ways that she could potentially contribute. One of the
problems I had with this particular documentary is the way the producers
confronted mom. And she became defensive. You saw that some of the clips. She
became defensive about what she was doing because her heart is in the right
place. She cares about her son. There's no question in my mind. And she said at
that one point. "You put a camera in my house..." -And tell me what I'm doing wrong.
-"...And see if there's anything I'm doing wrong. And you'll see that there's not."
I'm a good mom, right? Let's shift the question from what are you doing wrong to
what could you possibly do as part of the solution? -And be willing to truly ask
that question. -Right. Being humble and open puts us in a position where we have
some power. Show me how I could feed my son more appropriately. Instead of I give
him healthy food and then digging in heels and not being willing to budge. So, on
the other end of things, let's not be too quick to judge. Even as we watch these
documentaries, it's easy to say, "Oh, what a terrible mom." Let's not go there. -No. -I
think she's a good mom who could do more to assist her son. And I think at some
point in her heart she knows that. And that's why she becomes defensive. We as
parents I think need to remain open to and humble about what other things that
we could do to support our children. Because we definitely are part of the
solution. We've got other reaction videos here on
the channel. Check out the playlist for that if you're interested in some others.
And if you have suggestions for which ones you want to see. -We'll take them. -We're
open to that. Put that in the comments down below. And if you didn't know, we've
got a lot of resources available to you as a conscious parent. Hop on over to
DrPaulJenkins.com and join the community of conscious
caring parents.