- I like to educate people.
I wanted to be a teacher when I was a little kid.
I wanted to be a teacher--
Well, first I wanted to be a veterinarian,
then I wanted to be a teacher,
and then I wanted to be a huge celebrity, and then...
[audience laughter]
That happened, so I just stuck with it, so--
But today, here's what we're going to learn: Latin,
and not the Ricky Martin kind of Latin,
but Latin like people spoke way back in, you know,
the beginning of--like, a hundred years ago or something.
[audience laughter] Today's Latin lesson
is "quid pro quo."
"Quid pro quo." Do you know what that means?
What does it mean?
(woman) "This for that." Tit for tat.
- Okay. [audience laughter]
I didn't think--ah, yeah.
That's what it-- that's what it means.
And so, we're going to play a game in honor of that.
It's called Let's Make a Trade.
(multiple people) Let's...Make...A...Trade!
[game show music] [cheers and applause]
[applause]
- First of all, I'm very proud of you
that you know what "quid pro quo" meant.
[audience laughter] Here's how this works.
I'm going to wander through the audience,
and I just want to trade something,
so if you have something that I'm looking for,
if I ask for something and you have it,
then I'm going to trade you for something that I have.
And so go through your-- get your purses out,
your man purses, whatever, because--
Just--I don't know what I'm going to ask for.
I never know.
I don't have anything in mind right now.
I like--for instance, a $100 bill.
Does anybody have a $100 bill?
[audience talking at once]
She was right here. Okay, thank you.
[audience laughter]
Does anybody have-- [audience laughter]
[audience laughter]
No. What if I did that?
What if I-- Hi, what's your name?
- Roanna. - Roanna, okay.
So there's a Puss-- a Puss in Boots over there.
And-- [audience laughter]
[audience laughter] Where do you live?
- I'm from the Philippines. - Ah, the Philippines!
- Yes. - We just had someone on
from the Philippines, that little Balang guy, did you see?
- Oh, yes, I saw him on-- - Adorable, right?
- Yes. - Yes, wonderful.
Okay, so for that $100 that you gave me--
Did I give it back to you? - Yes, it's here.
- Why would I give it back to you?
[audience laughter] - For trading.
- All right. - We're going to trade.
- No, but you've got to give it to me
so I can give you something.
- Okay. - You're ruining my game.
- I'm sorry. [audience laughter]
[audience laughter]
- God, you've got a lot of money in there.
- No, no, no. [audience laughter]
[audience laughter] It's peso--pesos.
- All right. No, it's not, this--
This is not peso.
[audience laughter]
I mean, yes it is. I need more.
This is not 100.
[audience laughter]
All right, let's see what-- what I'm going to give her
for this $100.
[harp music]
Oh! [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
What is it? [applause]
- It's a 55" TCL Roku TV
to celebrate National Streaming Day.
It's a smart TV with sleek design, a simple home screen,
and you'll have access to more than 2000 streaming channels.
[audience laughter] - Two thousand channels!
[cheers and applause] Let's--
[cheers and applause]
And, uh, Puss over there. What's behind your box?
Or inside the box, because--
[audience laughter] Maybe--
Maybe I'll give her that, too. What is it?
[harp music]
[cheers and applause]
- Ellen, it's a 2-year Netflix gift card,
available at Best Buy.
Spend the summer binge-watching "Scandal"
and "Orange Is the New Black."
[applause]
- Of course, you can watch "Scandal,"
who--Portia de Rossi is now a series regular on "Scandal,"
so that's good. [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
"Orange Is the New Black."
All right, I'm going to wander around.
I'll give you your hundred back. I don't need that.
All right, thank you so much. [audience laughter]
And let me see who else has anything--
Who has something like a--
Like a banner that says "Miss Something."
What is this? [audience murmurs]
"Miss Military 2015?"
You won that contest? - Yes.
- Stand up, Mrs. Military.
[cheers and applause]
Congratulations. [cheers and applause]
- Thank you. [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
- I don't know what you did to earn it,
but congratulations. [audience laughter]
Well, uh--now you have to give it to me to trade.
No, I'm kidding. [audience laughter]
I don't know. I don't want anything from you,
but I--is there--is there one more TV back there?
Because if there's one more TV I want to give her that,
because she didn't give me anything.
Oh good, Andy found another TV.
[cheers and applause]
There you go. [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
- I like your outfit! - It's a good outfit.
- I like your sash. [cheers and applause]
- Thank you.
I really need somebody to trade me something,
so I'm going to walk over here.
Does anybody have any type of a food substance,
like some kind of-- [audience all talks at once]
[audience all yelling at once]
Okay, I don't want to take it. That's your apple,
but boy, y'all all have a lot of food in your--
[audience laughter]
Does anybody have like a-- like a--more food?
[audience all talks at once]
Okay. Wow.
One more TV and the two years Netflix card as well,
so you get that for the apple.
- Oh, thank you. [cheers and applause]
- Keep your apple, though. [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
You keep that water.
I feel like I'm not trading anything.
I feel like I'm just wandering around and--
[audience laughter] All right.
Well, here's what I'm going to do,
'cause this is going to take all day
if I keep going to each and every one of you.
I feel like I should give
every single person in this audience a TV.
[loud cheers and applause]
[music plays] [cheers and applause]