(Intro Music)
Hi there! It's Katie again. Thanks for checking back.
Now todays topic is something that is kind of a little more abstract than I normally do.
I know you're thinking, "A lot of your topics are abstract. What the heck."
But, this one- I will try to do my best to explain but feel free
obviously to comment below if you need a little bit more clarification.
Now, what am i talking about?
Today I'm talking about hunger.
I know you're thinking, "we always talk about that, Katie.
You're always talking about food or eating disorders, binging, purging, restricting."
I'm not talking about that kind of hunger.
I'm talking about hunger for greater things in life.
For certain feelings that you've used to possess, you don't possess anymore.
I'm talking about an overall appetite for life.
Okay?
You see what I mean when I say it's a little abstract?
It's a little hard to grasp and understand.
So, what I'd like you to do is to start thinking about it.
Okay?
What the heck am I supposed to think about?
What I mean is, like I said in my other video
about listening to your inner voice
I want you to answer some of these questions for me.
When was the last time that you, yourself, felt joyful?
That pure, joy like a child when they're just very excited
and they don't even care what people think as they jump around
They get... When did you feel that way?
Might have been a long time ago
You might not be able to think about it or remember a time
And that's when the child memory like I talked about in
the inner voice video, can come into play and you can utilize
that to help you think of a time when you had that pure
relaxing, overwhelming sense of joy.
Alright?
So that's the first one I want you to think about.
Joyful.
That's hard, right?
The second one I want you to think about
Is a feeling of freedom.
Okay.
That one might be even harder.
I know, there's a time in my life. I can just picture it so clearly in my head
I'm driving along PCH, for any of those who live in California
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
It's a highway that runs right along the ocean.
It's a sunny afternoon. It's a Saturday.
I don't have any plans.
No plans.
Windows are down. Sun roof is open.
My music is playing.
I've never felt more free in my life.
Right.
That's a memory to me that's (boink).
As soon as I talk about freedom, that's the first thing I think about.
Also, I mean, there's a ton of others
even just thinking about that, I can think of more.
I'd like you to think about the last time you had that feeling of
freedom. Of complete release.
There's nothing I have to do anywhere.
There's no requirements.
There's no necessary calls or duties or anything I have
to do today. I just get to be me. All day.
Nobody interrupts.
Right?
So think about that.
When's the last time I felt joyful?
When's the last time I felt free?
Now, why am I having you do all of this?
By doing these exercises. By trying to think of the last time you felt a certain way
You can unearth your true hungers.
What?
I know you're probably thinking, "What the heck are you talking about?"
But what I mean is that when we find and think of those last times we felt
that way, had a good feeling, we felt free to be ourselves.
We're starting to kind of pull away the layers
of what we've created with our eating disorder.
Those protective layers, right?
Our eating disorders don't just come out of nowhere.
We create them to protect us from unwelcome emotions,
unwelcome experiences, maybe flashbacks,
anything that happens, we create this to stop it. To protect it.
Right? And it served a purpose.
For a time.
But that time has passed.
So, we have to find a way to know know what we're really hungry for.
Okay. Still a little unclear.
I know the connection's kind of hard to make sometimes.
But, what my point is, is that by trying to realize
the last time we had fun, we played, you know.
without any inhibition.
We were joyful. We felt free. Any of those kind of emotions
and sensations. I'm sure you can come up with some of your own.
Maybe when you felt completely in love.
That can even be a feeling of just, that almost childish
love, or there's no past hurts or anything you're worried about.
You're just deeply in love.
Those kinds of feelings are things that we need to think about
we need to write down, we need to journal about. What it felt like.
Who was around?
What stopped it?
When did it go away?
What do we tell ourselves about that feeling now?
Do we completely shut it out?
Do we let a little bit in and then shut it out?
Do we cry and just can't stop crying about the fact that it's no longer here?
those are things you want to notice
and to journal because at the core of those experiences and that
those issues, and the things that come up with it is our
true hunger.
Maybe, you have an appetite for love.
Maybe you need to be cuddled.
Maybe you need a little bit more attention.
I know all those things, often times with eating disorders come along with a lot of shame.
How dare I have any needs like a normal person.
I should not have to need someone to call me.
I should not have to have my mom give me a nice hug when i get home.
I should not... Yes you should!
You're a human. I'm a human.
I love to get hugs.
Those are one of my favorite things in the entire world.
My dad used to give like the best bear hug
just like, almost pop your back they were so good.
And I loved that feeling.
Alright?
Everybody has different things they need.
That doesn't make me shameful or weird or "too needy".
I know your eating disorder is going to tell you that that is what's happening
but that's not what's happening.
We're just starting to uncover
and notice what our real needs are.
What our hunger is for.
There's going to be some needs you have more than others.
Some of you might not need the physical touch like I'm talking about
Some of you might want shared activities.
I want somebody just to be with me, just to go
walk around, and like, window shop
and grab a coffee.
That might be something that you like or you
want somebody to go do outdoor activity with you.
Some, there could be a bunch of different things.
Everybody's different.
Some people just like people to sit with them in silence while they read.
Let's go to a Barnes and Nobles and just hang out.
You know?
Things like that.
Everybody has different needs and those needs are perfectly healthy.
And they're okay to have.
Keep telling yourself that. Rewind this back and play it again.
They're healthy.
It's okay.
I know your eating disorder is just dumping shame on you right now.
But it's okay.
Take your time.
Maybe you only think of one thing at a time.
But this can really help us uncover
why we have our eating disorder,
in the first place and what we're kind of trying to
cover up.
Like put a bandaid over, pretend it didn't happen,
or it didn't exist.
Before, right? We need to kind of dig in there
and find out what it is that we really need and want
and desire because our whole lives or however long we've had our
eating disorder, we've been telling ourself we can't.
We don't.
We don't deserve it.
It's not our right.
But, it is your right to have needs and wants and desires.
And we need to start thinking about those things.
Okay.
So, take your time.
This ones a little intense.
And I'll do other followups on it.
in the future, and check in. And I'll try to give you more tips on
how to unearth this information because I know
it can be a little overwhelming.
But even just taking your journal out and writing
"Things that I need but feel shameful about"
That can kind of sometimes cut across your
eating disorder, because you're acknowledging what it's already going to tell you.
And you're just making a list.
That can help sometimes.
Or, like I said, when was the last time you felt joy?
When was the last time you felt freedom?
When was the last time you really felt in love?
Right? And it doesn't have to be romantic love.
This could be like, love for a parent.
Or a cousin, or a best friend.
Doesn't have to be romantic.
But, just try to think about those things so we can find out
what we truly desire.
Because knowing that can help us heal.
From whats happened before.
Okay?
So let me know how that goes.
Like I always say, please subscribe above.
So next time, like I said, this isn't the only video about this that I'm going to do
so the next time that I post, then you'll hear about it right away.
And you give me your comments below. I love feedback.
Positive, negative, whatever.
I'm doing this for you, so if this isn't clear and you need more information
or you want to hear about another topic, let me know
Because I'm happy to help and I'm here for support.
So, feel free to comment.
And also, don't forget I'm on Twitter, as well as I have my own website
KatiMorton.com where you can post your own journals, and art and thoughts.
And you can even comment on other peoples.
And let's continue cultivating this healthy environment
as we work towards a healthy mind and a healthy body.