All right, my deal,
follow the queen, follow her all around.
All right, who's ready for some wings?
Oh! Come on, man.
Thanks, baby.
There's a queen right there.
You're the best, Mrs. H.
You guys are the best.
You rule, babe.
All right.
Dude, she is so great.
I am so lucky.
Speaking of lucky,
you know that girl I told you about from my office?
Well, we went out for drinks
and then she took me back to her place.
How was it?
Let's just say, she's flexible.
Nice.
About butt stuff.
(all) Oh!
Nice dude.
That takes me back, takes me back.
A few weeks ago,
the kids were at their Gran-gran's
and my wife was so down to (bleep),
I mean, she's like, practically begging me,
so I grab my wife's hair,
I bend her over this credenza, right?
I'm like, so deep in (bleep), I'm like, "Who's your husband?
Who's your husband?"
What's the matter with you, man?
What?
That's your wife, man, okay?
That's not cool, okay?
We all went to college with her,
we're friends.
That's, like, sick. Sick.
Oh, I thought we were all kind of sharing some stories.
You're a degenerate, man.
All right, all right, anyway.
I had a little incident with that waitress
over at Padigan's the other night.
Oh, oh, hot Tracy?
Boom.
How did you do that?
She comes up to me and she's like,
"Can you help me carry this box into the office?"
Yeah, right?
What happened next?
I'll help you move your box.
Exactly, right?
So I go into the office with her, next thing I know,
she's pulling on my parking brake
like we're at the top of Lombard Street.
Wow, wow, wow.
What about the tits?
As advertised.
Yes, yes!
It's always the best when you don't expect it.
I remember there was this girl in college,
and I totally thought she was gonna put me
in the friend zone, right?
Well, we're hanging out, all of a sudden,
top comes off, she's riding me,
I'm rock (bleep) like a hammer.
And I'm like, "I wanna marry this woman!"
I can't believe it's been 14 years.
That is so gross, Rob, why are you doing this?
Nobody tells wife stories.
What are you, a psychopath?
Come on, man, she cooks us Christmas dinner every year.
She's Mrs. Christmas to us.
Hope you guys don't mind.
I used four different cheeses.
You shouldn't have.
God bless you, honey.
All right, you guys good on beers?
Yeah, we're great on beers.
You rock, Amy!
These nachos are insane, by the way.
You know what else is insane?
We don't wanna hear it!
Jesus!
Shut your face.
This is a story about a woman
who I am totally not married to, okay?
Go on.
All right.
Thank you.
We had just come out of H&R Block,
and she's all turned on 'cause we're gonna get,
like, a sick return.
And she can buy this purse
she's been talking about forever, right?
And she wants to bang right in the back
of our pre-owned Subaru.
What are you doing, Rob?
What are you doing?
We know it's your wife, Rob.
Its just-- I feel like vomiting right now.
H&R Block?
You guys, I have to be able to share stories
about the woman I love, okay?
I can't help it that she's my wife, okay?
She inspires me.
She is my world.
I just thought 'cause you're my friends, I could--
I could share some of our romantic things with you.
All right, all right, man, all right, all right.
Who's ready for the finale?
Chocolate chip cookies!
That could not have come sooner.
You're the best, Mrs. H.
All right, if nobody needs anything else,
honey, I'm gonna head upstairs.
Start lubing up so you can blast
my dirt (bleep) with your thumb
while you lobster-hand me in the (bleep), okay?
Seriously, I want you to (bleep) that mud pit
'til I make a pig noise.
And then you can (bleep) on my (bleep) while I call my mom.
Muah.
Okay. You guys are always welcome here.
I guess I should eat up.