(instrumental music)
- My mom had just taken me on this great shopping spree
for my birthday, and I bought these clothes.
I walked into the lunch room,
and everyone made so much fun of me.
I felt so ashamed, the fact that I was different.
There are just so many specifics that have stuck with me
to this day that have really instilled the sense
of, like, fear.
- I had a Pocahontas backpack,
and I loved that Pocahontas backpack.
I wore it to school and got ripped,
and everyone made fun of me.
It just became a routine where I would come home
from elementary school crying.
- I was teased growing up for being gay
before I even knew that I was gay.
Fourth grade, only played with girls at recess,
and my teacher took me out of class
and talked to me and was like,
"You should really hang out with other boys sometimes."
And I remember being like, "Why are you telling me
"who I should hang out with and why does it matter?"
- Growing up in elementary, I always hung out with the girls
but I did actually like them at that time.
I had a crush on like almost every girl
at the table I sat with at one point.
They're like, oh I just see you as a friend.
- (laughing) Awe. That's the saddest thing.
- But I remember the jock guys always telling me like,
oh you're gay, and like, (bleeping) gay,
and people making fun of me not only
cause they assumed I was gay, but because I was overweight.
- I was asked, growing up, like if I was,
and I was like, oh my god, are they going to find out?
Growing up, you hear stories
about gay people getting killed on the street.
- And that like happens still now.
- Yeah
- Which is horrifying.
- I was bullied in middle school
by somebody who eventually came out,
and he would bully me for being gay
which was him projecting onto me his insecurities.
- I think being bullied for being gay just kind
of confirmed that I didn't want to come out of the closet.
I was afraid of coming out and admitting to myself,
and to the world, like who I really am.
- I don't know if that kind of trickled down
into like my adulthood.
Now, I am sure it has cause everything that we experience
in our lives like affects us in one way or another.
(light instrumental music)
- I don't show PDA when I'm on the street,
like I don't hold hands.
I'm afraid that society is going to regress,
and then all of a sudden there's gonna
to be laws about being gay.
- Gay people are getting shot,
gay people are getting, like, attacked.
Oh, it's okay to hate people who aren't like you.
I definitely do feel like already a shift back.
I still haven't let it overwhelm me with fear yet,
but it is like this little thing nagging me
in the back of my head, like,
"Is it still okay for you to be yourself all the time?
"Are you going to getting a rock thrown at your head
"if you like hold your boyfriend's hand?"
- I think for me the biggest fear that I have is
that the younger generation kind of coming up people
in their teens and 20s have had it pretty good,
like, they've seen so much change in the past 10 years,
and where being gay is very accepted and almost a norm
in society, and they don't know how hard it has been
to fight for those things.
Some of those rights can still be taken away.
- And they are, even me, like, the difference,
I know it's not a big age difference, but there's a lot
of very privileged gay kids growing up now.
You could literally tell them,
"Oh, well this person helped with this movement."
And they'll be like, "Oh I don't care, blah, blah, blah."
And ya know, they should because that's the reason why
they can be so IDGAF on Instagram
and, I don't care haters, and this and that,
because of people like that that have fought for me.
- For me, especially, it felt like,
you're not accepted, you're gay, you're gay, you're gay,
and then all the sudden, wow, gays can get married,
it's cool again.
We forget about the middle of the country,
and the students out there who can't be protected,
and I think that there's still a lot of work to do,
starting to be more mindful of the laws
that protect people like me
and little kids out there who need it.
(ambient music)
- I think when I first came out, I was like,
"Oh yeah, it would be a lot easier if I were straight."
- I have never wished I was straight.
- I remember going to sleep sometimes, and being like,
"Oh, man, I wish I was straight, I wish I was straight."
And then crying and everything, it was intense.
- When I met my current boyfriend,
I told him that one day I would marry a girl
cause at the time I was not out at all,
and that's what I thought I had to do.
That's what society tells you,
please my parents, deny a big part of myself.
Now I love being gay because that's who I am.
- No, no I never wished I was straight, never.
- I absolutely did wish I was straight.
I thought, when I was younger,
that being gay would mean a life of more bullying.
- As much bullying as I went through,
and had to like endure, being gay has become something
that I am so, so, so proud of.
- But once you like rip that Band-Aid off,
you're out, no I wouldn't change a thing.
- You come out of the closet and you just seal that door.
- (laughing) Yep.
- But a lot of the time, I like forget
that being gay is seen as the abnormal thing
because it's just like what my life is
and how I love living my life,
and everyone has told me like,
wouldn't it suck if I was straight?
Cause then I wouldn't have all this like great,
gay sex, like...
(laughing)
- I don't know, like, I'm so creative,
and I love making people laugh.
The whole like creative aspect,
I've opened and let blossom
because I was honest with myself.
- Now that I'm gay, and I see how fucking great it is,
I would never wish to be straight.
We have so much fun.
Just my day to day life, being gay,
I can listen to whatever music I want,
and it's never a threat to my sexuality.
- You can be whatever you want to be,
compared to things that you can't do
cause maybe that would be a little too gay.
- How proud I am of this person that I've become,
and how I feel that I am the most me I've ever been.
I want that journey for everyone who is a little gay boy
or gay girl out there who doesn't feel accepted.
- I'm definitely so much more comfortable being gay
than I ever have been especially being
in a big city where it's so accepted.
I think that there's still a lot of hate.
A lot of people get gay bashed still,
and we don't always talk about it.
I'm trying to, as a gay man, become much more active
and talking about that and putting an end to it.
(ambient techno music)
- I think being gay and overcoming all the struggles
that we have growing up,
I feel like I'm a lot more empathetic
to different struggles.
Even if it doesn't have anything
to do with being gay, like you can relate.
- A lot of people are so obsessed
with other people's relationships
and like what they're doing
and they're not even working on their own selves
that for me it was kind of a step to be like,
"Don't worry about me, like, I'm happy,
I'm genuinely happy, so like you should be happy to."
It's just more accepting of like other people
and differences and that it's okay
that we might not agree on something,
even as gay people, cause we're both gay,
but there's probably, we might have differences
and that it's okay and we can talk through them.
- Being in the gay community has taught me a lot
about transparency and acceptance.
Whoever you are, you can be totally transparent
about who you are and we will accept you.
When you're queer, you have the freedom
to be as masculine or as feminine as you want.
- I think having anything that's inherently a part
of who you are that you have to actively overcome,
growing up, makes you so strong,
and I think that that's what makes me so proud,
is that I overcame the obstacles
that came along with being gay, and that led me
to a higher place of self-love,
and that's why I'm so proud of it.
I'm also just really proud of this community,
and everything that it stands for.
(light techno music)