Ugh, and thus perished Toad.
It’s Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games.
What a title!
And actually, it might be fair to say, “Thus perished this game.”
This is the 3DS version of the latest entry in the unlikely duo’s series of interactive
Olympics commercials—I’m sorry, Olympic-themed minigame compilations.
And I guess you could say, after three games in five years, the Olympic flame has gotten
a bit dim.
Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games, which we’ll henceforth refer to as Mario
and Sonic 2012, is the third title in SEGA and Nintendo’s half-hearted declaration
of peace.
Playing as characters from the Super Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog games, you compete
in simplified versions of popular Olympic events.
Or, as with this version, you push a few buttons.
That’s the most important thing to note about Mario and Sonic 2012 on the 3DS.
This isn’t the same game you’ll get on consoles, which in theory, could be a good
thing.
You typically want the handheld version of a console game to get special attention...that
is, provided that attention is special in a good way.
Not a, “Let’s water this crap down” way.
There are more than 50 events to compete in, although again...compete might be a strong
word for some of them.
The reason is that, on the 3DS, the events have been really...streamlined, I guess.
Or to be less charitable, made less fun.
Let’s take this sprinting game, for example.
All you do is hold down A until the race starts, then you mash the A button for five seconds
until the race ends.
You win.
Or how about boxing?
You know, a really strategic, physically intense sport?
Well, in Mario and Sonic 2012 for the 3DS, you let go of a button after your opponent
does.
I mean, there are video games, and then there is pushing buttons.
To be fair, as with any compilation, the quality varies.
So as inane and pointless as some of them are—I’m looking at you, volleyball—some
of them are actually decent.
Some of the shooting events require you to move your 3DS for aiming, which works nicely.
But for the most part, there are some real stinkers on this thing.
I mean, you actually have to yell at your system in the weight-lifting games.
And yelling at your system isn’t good for anyone.
Another problem is you can only choose between four predetermined characters for each event.
So if you want to play the boxing game as Peach to punch Bowser in the face, tough ****, Bob.
That’s not allowed.
Which seems like veiled sexism to me.
You know, Peach probably has a wicked jab, SEGA.
Mario and Sonic 2012 on the 3DS is more of the same Mario and Sonic Olympic stuff, only
not even that good.
Few assessments are quite as damning.
If you’re interested in this game, get a console version.
Any console version.
Just avoid this one.
Do it for your country.